


I Woke Up Dreaming

by EnviousHera



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 10k+ hits holy shit u guyzzzz!!!!, Abusive Relationships, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben and Kylo to the rescue, Ben is 27, Bisexual Ben Solo, Bisexual Male Character, Blood and Torture, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Concerned Finn, Confinement, Confused Rey, DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder), Dark Reylo, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Dominant Kylo Ren, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drug Withdrawal, Evil Kylo Ren, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Gruesome details ensue, Handcuffs, Hux is a cunt, Justice, Kidnapping, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Light BDSM, Lost Love, M/M, Mentions of Being In The Military, Molestation, Murder, Obsessive Kylo Ren, POV Ben Solo, POV Kylo Ren, POV Rey (Star Wars), Passed and present abuse, Past Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Personality Swap, Plotting, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Ben Solo, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Kylo Ren, Recreational Drug Use, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey is 17, Reylo - Freeform, Sad boy Solo, Sad girl Rey, Secrets, Sleep assault, Slow Burn, Smut, Stalking, Suicide Attempt, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, Traumatic Back Stories, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Unconventional Relationship, Underage Drinking, Unhealthy Relationships, Unreliable Narrator, but its not factual at all, drugged rey, mention of rape, mentions of and actual vaginal torture buts its kind of light?? kind of??? idk, reyvenge, very dark like extremely dark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2020-04-07 17:25:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 32
Words: 45,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19089664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnviousHera/pseuds/EnviousHera
Summary: Stuck in an abusive relationship, Rey's dreams to one day leave her toxic boyfriend and start a new life with a new man are answered - in seemingly the worst way possible.





	1. It's About Being In Love

**Author's Note:**

> this is gonna be done in some short chapters, some longer. there is no method to the madness. enjoy. 
> 
> Ben POV first
> 
> (story title from a Lydia Lunch song by the same name)

It was raining the first time I caught sight of her. 

I was standing at a crosswalk, wishing my coffee would cool down so I could kick the groginess for work. She was across the street and wearing grey, nearly blending in with the boring city surroundings. Grey leggings and a big grey hoodie. I always thought grey was so _dull_.

But she wasn't dull. 

No... 

She was _blinding._

I could feel my mouth hit the ground, my heart blasting out of my chest, like an old Tex Avory cartoon. I was shaking, and it wasn't just from the cold. 

She was sculpted by a master, by the God my mother prays to. Tan, with pretty white teeth and mossy hazel eyes. Brown hair in three bouncing, messy buns.

_Come on. Don't have time for this..._

The light turned green, but I couldn't move. I watched her approach in a daze, drinking in all I could as she got closer: slim and fit, her aura so warm. A small green gem in her nose. A few scars on her face, and perfect. Perfect, perfect, perf-

"Will you hurry the fuck up?" a deep voice hissed, breaking my trance. 

I hadn't realized that a man was next to her before. 

I squinted as they approached from the crosswalk, noticing to my absolute disgust that he was _touching_ her. Revulsion boiled into sick rage when I saw him yank her arm really hard, causing her to almost lose her footing. 

My nostrils flared. I was probably breathing fire. 

_Don't get involved._

The girl bit her lip and glanced around at the people walking passed, blush spreading quickly across her cheeks but no one was looking. Nobody cared. 

But I cared. 

Her eyes brimmed with tears as the man continued hissing mean shit at her and yanking her harder and harder by the elbow. She had been looking down at her feet, until just a few feet before they passed me, and then she looked up. 

Our eyes met, and her tears spilled over. 

Our eyes met, and there was a split, right down the center of the galaxy. 

Our eyes met, and I knew what I needed to do. 

The man yanked her again, even rougher than before; I didn't even notice she had stopped to stare back at me since everything was happening so fast. 

"Fucking _move_ it, for fuck sake, Rey. I can't _wait_ to get home..." He said through his gnashed teeth. 

My body turned as they went passed, and the cup of scolding hot coffee in my grasp was crushed, coffee flying everywhere and burning my hand as I started to follow them.


	2. It's About Being In Hate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: abuse, mentions of rape

All I've ever wanted was for someone to love me. 

My own mom didn't love me. She went to prison and then my father died, which left me with a man who really didn't give a shit about me. I was always so hungry, but I had to earn food. I had to earn being able to take a shower. What I had to do to gain these things... I'd just rather not say. 

This only made school that much more important to me. 

I had a few friends. Finn in particular was the nicest to me, and I tried to do anything that would keep it that way. I think I might have come on too strong because one night after school, he was making me dinner while his grandma was out... I did what I knew was best, and got on my knees and took my dirty shirt off. 

After that, he kept me at arms length. I was embarrassed as hell, so I tried to find someone who would love me the way I desperately needed. 

That's how I found Hux. 

He was a drug dealer, a year out of high school and mostly sold prescriptions and some heroin. I wanted to find something that would fill this horrible, aching hole in my chest, and heroin _almost_ did the trick. I would suck him off in his car after school and I'd smoke some smack and ride my bike back home, fighting to keep my eyes open. 

Eventually Hux started giving me rides, and that just pissed off my foster dad, Plutt. After my government appointed 'caregiver' had raped me twice, I begged Hux to stay with him. I remember him petting my hair and cooing to me so softly while I cried in his arms. I was lucky. So lucky. 

At last, a sweet man had rescued me. And he was so sweet. 

Well... He was at first. 

He would disappear for days, leaving me alone in a scary apartment where the door almost never had a break from people knocking. I had to withdrawal from heroin so many times, I started to wonder if I should just not smoke anymore and just go to a women's shelter. But then he would be back, and I'd be slung over the couch with him inside me and higher than before. 

I loved him. He was just busy a lot. Someone had to hustle and make us money. He had to do what he had to do. 

Then he would get mad at me... I don't really blame him though. I was just so god damned _dumb_ sometimes, always fucking things up... I don't think all that good, especially when I'm high. He had every right to be frustrated with me. 

I'd leave the stove on, I'd smoke the last cigarette, I'd nod out while I was blowing him... So I can't blame him for hitting me. He took me in out of the kindness of his heart. Also like, he was a red head, they're fiery people. He couldn't help it. He was so sweet usually. I'm just stupid.

 

It's almost our two year anniversary, and we're walking down the street after a night of deliveries (another thing that just proves how caring he is - most other drug dealers make their clients come to them) and the sun is trapped behind the thick, almost black clouds. It's starting to rain a little. Hux is mad at me for something I can't really remember... He keeps yanking me to stand up straight or walk faster but I'm still high and my feet hurt so bad. I can barely keep my eyes open. 

The pedestrian light turns green, and as we're walking, Hux suddenly grabs my arm tighter than ever and it hurts so bad my eyes well up with tears. But he doesn't like it when I cry so I try to hold it back while he blows off steam and whispers angry things in my ear. I glance around and see most people aren't looking, which is good. They wouldn't understand the situation. He's under a lot of stress. 

We make it across the crosswalk when I catch someone looking - no, not looking - _staring_. Our eyes meet and all I can see is black and white. He's super tall, super pale with black hair tied into a loose bun behind his head. A black and white suit... But he's staring at me. So intensely that my feet stop moving and we just stare at one another. 

He looks so sad... But also like he kind of wants to eat me. Whoa. 

I can't make sense of how I feel about it because Hux yanks me again and my head is ripped away from the sad stranger. Hux lets go of my arm and slithers his fingers into my hair at the roots and yanks again. I grit my teeth but I can't let another tear fall. That'll just make him angrier. 

A small part of my brain randomly wonders if the sad stranger would do this to me. I know I deserve it, but maybe someone out there will love me more. Maybe someone will hold my hand and not throw me around. Maybe someone will kiss my cheek instead of punch it. 

A little rush of euphoria soars through me for a second. 

 

Maybe someone will come save me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> doot doot da doot doot dooooot
> 
>  
> 
> ooof


	3. A Murder of Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title via a song by the same title by Eyedea and Abilities 
> 
> "No way, no how do we ever forget what we've seen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben POV

I followed them for blocks, growing more and more furious with each step. 

The man was just so... So _fucking rough_ with her. Why? Why was he like this to a small goddess? It was just cruel. Unfair. Wrong.

My eyes darted between them both quickly, unsure where I should settle. I was breathing hard through my nose, trying to calm myself down like my therapist Snoke had taught me. I tried to remain a good distance so they wouldn't notice me. I was pinching the burn on my hand, using the pain to keep me centered. 

_Just stick to the plan, Ben. Stick to the plan. Don't do anything rash._

The red hair on the man was a target, and the girl he was viciously shoving and barking at was the gift. 

The neighborhood was getting worse, the people becoming more sketchy: kids getting on the buses were in low income clothes, shoes with holes. Junkies and homeless people spread out trying to seek shelter from the rain. The buildings were covered in graffiti, trash flying around in the storm. 

When they turned to enter a particularly shitty building, I paused by a trash can and pretended to check my phone and watched them from the corner of my eye as he shoved her through the door, barking orders at her. 

I ground my teeth hard enough to add more onto my already intense tension headache. I rolled my shoulders and cracked my neck to relieve some pressure, but it hardly helped. 

I didn't care for him pushing her around, and I already knew what he'd do when they were alone. I had planned to wait and watch them, learn their routine, figure out a game plan to lure her out....

But I've never been necessarily _good_ at sticking to plans, though. That's why I was discharged from the army. My impulsivity isn't all too _welcomed_ in places based on order. They called me 'insubordinate'. I like to think of it as 'chaotic good'. 

That's how I found myself following them up the stairs, getting closer and closer to where Cupid's arrow aimed, my lovely grey nymph of rain. I felt like Batman. 

"Rey... Get it _to-fucking-gether!_ God fucking damn it! _MOVE!_ " The man all but screamed at her as he grabbed her sweater and threw her through the opened door. She cried out when she hit the floor and my heart seized in pain. The man slammed the door shut and I was frozen in place. 

But it wasn't time yet. I had to wait. I had catch him unaware. I had get him when he least expected. I had to make sure he hurt. 

 

_Breathe, Ben. Breathe. Wait. Wait. Wait._

 

I grasped the railing and closed my eyes. 

 

Rey... Her name is Rey. "I'm coming for you, Rey. Be patient, love. Wait." 

 

 

I entered the address into my phone and took a taxi back to my apartment in a daze, 15 minutes away. 

It was a little funny, that the love of my life lived so close, yet I'd never seen her before. I stared out the window, forgetting about work all together as I took the elevator up to my floor. 

I needed to clean up a bit before she moved in. Girls hate messy places. And she needs to see that I'm better than the red head. 

She'll see. I know she felt the spark between us. She loves me too. I know she does. 

She has to. 

I pocketed my bowie knife after sharpening it. I'd order take out tonight. She'd be impressed with my apartment. It was kind of nice. I worked hard for it. 

I was giddy with excitement but a little sick with anger. 

It wasn't right to leave her behind but she'd understand that I needed to make my apartment nice for her first. 

Our apartment. 

I smiled while I stuffed my backpack with plastic tarp, gloves and an apron. I hailed another taxi and gave her the address. 

I bit my blistered hand as I climbed the stairs to the door, my heart pumping so hard it made me dizzy. I took a deep breath as I picked the lock. 

 

She's gonna love me. I just know it.


	4. Burn Fetish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV
> 
>  
> 
> I think by now we've established she isn't very reliable so

Hux was very mad but I didn't know why. 

It's okay, though. The last three weeks, I'd started slamming dope so it didn't hurt all that bad when he hit me. I didn't really care, I knew my reward was coming soon. Just had to endure a little violence and then he would turn on that awful heavy metal music and we would have... sex. I cringed at the thought. 

Sex with Hux wasn't very good, but I hadn't really had many good times with sex anyways. It was just for guys to get off on. The girls in the porn he would watch while he pile-drived into me were faking it. That's what you're supposed to do. Fake it til they're done. 

Once he was done hurting me, he tied my wrists up and set up the tourniquet and injected me with a little more than he did last night. I was scared to look at the needle go in so he would do it for me. 

He was so helpful... 

As soon as I felt it hit my veins, my eyes rolled back into my head and the euphoria hit _hard._ I felt my mouth go slack with a happy sigh about the same time I felt the cold lube on my pussy. It sent goosebumps up my body but I relaxed and began to nod out as I felt his dick push into me. 

I felt a hard slap on my face. "Hey..." Hux grunted. "Don't... Don't fall asleep on me... I haven't even... Ugh.. Started yet." He slapped me again and again until my eyes fluttered open. It was so hard to be aware, but he was already set at a quick and hard rate. 

I barely felt it, though. 

"Mm... Mm, sorry." I muttered, trying to find the strength to moan how he liked. My eye sight was blurry and I was so high it was making me a sick. I couldn't remember the last time I ate. Shit. 

He wrapped his hand around my throat and I choked while he kept grunting and fucking me. I thought maybe I heard the door click open and shut but Hux didn't seem to notice it, so maybe I was imagining it. 

Although... It _did_ sound like footsteps, but it was hard to hear over the music and our skin slapping together. I tried to listen harder but the music was so loud it was useless.

I felt Hux fall against me suddenly, panting wildly in my ear, groaning as he came inside me. Yuck. I frowned in disgust - I hated when he did that...

I cracked my eyes open again as best I could. Everything was out of focus but I thought _maybe_ I was looking at someone. But that would be silly. Nobody was in here but me and Hux's sweaty body, all hot and sticky. 

But then... Maybe I wasn't imagining it at all. My vision tried to focus on the tall, black blur above me when -

_SCCCCKLEWCH_

Hux cried out, even louder than the pounding heavy metal music and there was a spray of warm liquid on my face. I smashed my eyes shut on reflex but I couldn't move much if I wanted to: my hands were tied together and held behind my head to the hook Hux had anchored into the couch. 

I was light years behind on what was happening in front of me but I felt when Hux was dragged off of me. I heard someone yelling and the sound of maybe meat being tenderized. I peaked one eye open and saw the black blur, kicking and stomping on something big on the floor. My stomach turned when I heard Hux cry out for help, but I was too weak to help. My head kept falling forward and my limbs felt like jelly. 

Oh shit. He was gonna be _so_ mad at me... 

I felt so fucking dizzy and sick. What was going on? I started to nod off again despite how hard I tried to get out of my bindings. 

Suddenly, someone was putting something over me and I remembered I was totally naked with company over. Damn it. How embarrassing... My cheeks were burning and I bit my lip, tasting... Blood? Maybe not. 

But then there was someone kissing my cheeks and nose, running their fingers through my knotted and greasy hair. Was it Hux...? He was never so gentle before... The person kissed my lips softly and sighed. I stayed still, my head swimming and I felt even sicker than before. 

He gulped loudly and traced shaking fingers over my face. "Oh, my baby... My poor baby. Don't worry, honey. We're getting you out of here and you're coming home at last." The voice whispered as I felt hands untying my wrists and picking me up. 

"Oh..." The voice murmured and I felt fingers graze the inside of my elbows, lightly touching my trackmarks I desperately tried to hide in big sweaters. "Ahh, well... This is an added complication, but we'll get your medicine before we go, honey, don't you worry. Oh, and so skinny, too..."

The person helped put my clothes back on and I lolled about, feeling like a doll. I swallowed the bile rising. Ugh. Hux gave me too much. I was gonna be sick. 

The man picked me up when he was done dressing me, holding me bridal style. I turned into his neck and groaned quietly. I hoped I didn't throw up on him. Then the man rubbed my back sweetly as he carried me and began to move things around, zippers being zipped. He muttered to himself with a low, deep voice. 

Hmm... This must be Death, finally coming to stake his claim on my soul. Warmer than I had expected Him to be. Not entirely what I meant when I asked for a man to take me away and love me unconditionally, but this was fine. Maybe better than what I thought I'd wanted. Oh well, whatever. 

A little giggle escaped me as I fully nodded out and blackness enveloped me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want y'all to know that a bird kept trying to attack me while I wrote this. Even the mama bird thinks I shouldn't write this. 
> 
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	5. Have Me Shaking In My Bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short but... sweet? ish?

The birds were chirping extra loud when we came out of the condemned building. Grinned and looked around, ecstatic. Nothing was doom and gloom anymore. Fitting.

I rescued my princess from her tower, slayed the red haired ogre, and now she was asleep in my arms. My prize. 

My smile was hurting my face. 

I had a back pack of her stuff slung on my shoulder, and I grabbed a real big baggie of heroin. That would make her happy, even if it made me sad... But you're supposed to accept things about the person you love. All the good, and the bad. 

Hell, my dad accepted a lot of things about my mom. _Mm. Even down to letting her sleep around._

I scoffed. 

I didn't intend on being _that_ fuckin lenient, though. That was just ridiculous. I rolled my eyes as I walked down the street with her in my arms, ignoring the stares we were getting. 

God, Dad was _such_ a weirdo. Idiot. 

Rey wouldn't think I was, though. She's gonna be so happy I saved her from that scumbag fuckface. 

"I can't fucking _wait_ to get you home." I whispered in her ear and squeezed her a bit. She shivered and I remembered how cold it was. Fragile little thing...

I picked up the pace, speed walking like a crazy person. 

_Not much longer._

I nodded.

She stirred a few times in my arms, softly groaning and sighing. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her gorgeous face and now that she was closer for inspection, I noticed even more cuts and bruises. 

That moTHER FUCKER -

_Relax._

I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes, that familiar rage boiling again. I shook with my efforts to chill out. I wanted to lose my shit so badly...

But instead of flipping out, I swallowed it down. Somehow. 

_That's right, Ben... Calm down. That's all behind her now. He's dead._

Yeah. She's safe now. 

No one can hurt her now. 

She has me to keep her safe now. 

And pamper her. 

_Hmmm... Did I clean up enough?_

Love her. 

Kiss her. 

_I wiped my prints, so..._

Touch her. 

Caress her soft skin. 

Spoil her. 

_I locked the door behind us, too..._

Everything was fine now. 

Nothing could get in my way of me and my sweet little darling. 

I nuzzled into her hair and smiled. 

Everything was gonna be blue skies, from here on out. 

_Heh. Well... We'll see about that, bud._

I stopped in my tracks as the hairs on my neck stood up. 

"You're not allowed to touch her." I hissed. 

People stared while Kylo laughed. 

 

_Oh..? We'll see about that._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun dunnnn


	6. Some New Kind Of Kick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV
> 
> bonding time for the sweeties 🖤

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been pumping out chapters for this story a lot faster than my other ones and the hits count has climbed so fast and 
> 
> like I just wanna say thank you all for reading this gahbage it really means soooo damn much to me, thank you guyzzzz 🖤🖤🖤
> 
> anyways how is Rey gonna react to being in a different apartment with a strange man?

Mmm. Something smells... _soooo_ fucking good. 

I rolled over in bed and rested my arm over my eyes while I stretched out my legs and toes. Mmm. Whatever that smell was, it was tempting me to get out of bed, even though I was still so sleepy. Hux never cooked, that was usually my job... Maybe he was in a good mood. I bit my lip to hide my smile, trying not to get my hopes up. 

I finally willed my strength and sat up, rubbing the sleepy crusties from my eyes and stretching out my back and arms. I finally opened my eyes as I scratched the inside of my elbow, inspecting my injection site. It was so dang _itchy_... Ugh. Need to clean it before it -

When I looked up, my heart stopped. Wait... What? I didn't recognize the room I was in. 

At all... 

The walls were covered in photographs of the city in black and white. They were really pretty, I had to admit. The furniture was modern and black. 

Expensive... 

It was clean and tidy, and when I slowly turned to set my feet on the white carpet, it was nice and cushy, super soft. I rubbed my feet on it while I looked around, confused. I wrapped my arms around myself, nervous. 

Where the hell was I...? Did I fall asleep at one of Hux's friend's apartments again or something? And where the hell was he? 

I got up to look at stuff, feeling only a little nervous then. I was still really tired, and my body ached. I must have done a touch too much today... Bleh, I hated that... I went to go looking for my phone, since it wasn't in my sweater pocket I was wearing and it wasn't on the bedside nightstand...

Where was it? And where was Hux? 

The alarm clock read 10:47pm big, and neon green.

I hope I hadn't done something wrong. I barely even remembered getting home this morning... I knew he was mad... I tried harder to remember the morning but it was all blurry... I think we had sex... Did we leave the flat again after? 

Argh! Why couldn't I remember? I rubbed my temples, trying to fight the headache I had from sleeping too hard. Stupid fucking brain... 

There was a cup of water on the nightstand and I snatched it up and gulped it down quickly. Mmm. Water. I licked my lips and cleared my throat. 

_Maybe I should venture out and see if maybe Huxy is in the living room..._

I tip toed to the door, cracking it open quietly. I peaked out, seeing more black furniture and plush, white carpet. It was nice and warm, so I slowly came out to the living room. Music was playing and I instantly recognized the band - it was The Smiths, one of my favorites. 

I didn't see Huxy anywhere, though... 

But there was a very tall man with black shaggy hair and very broad shoulders behind the bar, his back to me as he cooked on the stove. It smelled like sausage and pancakes and my stomach grumbled loudly. I couldn't remember the last time I ate food so I followed my gut further to the man, against my better judgement. As usual.

I knew I should have been afraid, but I was so groggy and hungry, I didn't really care. I'd been in weirder situations before. 

I cleared my throat again and croaked out, "Uhm... Excuse me? M-mister?"

The man turned around instantly, and a giant grin spread across his face. 

"Well hello there, Rey. How did you sleep? Are you hungry?" He asked as he wiped his slightly shaking hands with the towel he had slung over his shoulder. He was almost vibrating, his smile so big and contagious, I couldn't help but smile back. 

"Yeah, hi, I did, thanks... Uhm... Do you know where my phone is? And where Hux is?"

The man's eye brows knitted together for a moment, and then his face went back to his admittedly adorable smile. 

"Oh, uh. He said he had to leave for a few days to run some errands, but you were so sleepy I offered to let you stay here. I'm making breakfast for dinner. Is that okay? I should have asked before I started cooking, I'm sorry. We can order take out if you'd prefer. Anything you want. Not a problem. Seriously. Whatever you want." 

He was nervous and speaking really fast but it was also really cute. 

_Oof, no, don't. Can't think things like that... Hux would ring my neck._

"Oh no, breakfast is fine! Thank you so much!" I rubbed my feet on the carpet and looked around awkwardly. Hux went out of town? Oh. It wasn't out of character for Hux to leave me behind at a customer's house and this guy obviously was being sweet out of the kindness of his heart, treating me like a guest instead of a nuisance. 

And I was always a sucker for people being sweet to me. 

I randomly wondered if this guy and Hux had one of those agreements Hux has made once or twice with a friend to fuck me in exchange for free drugs to sell, making himself a pretty penny for no work at all... I didn't like when he did that but I couldn't say no. What if he kicked me out? I'd have nowhere to go... 

I wouldn't mind in this case, however... He was rather handsome... I pursed my lips while he cut up strawberries and kept glancing at me. He did look... Familiar... Maybe I'd met him before? 

"Uhm. So, what's your name?"

He grinned at me again. "It's Ben. Ben Solo."

Again, I returned the smile. He was so nice and polite. Very different than most people we dealt with so often. I liked him already. 

"You can put on a movie or tv show if you'd like," He said nodding to the giant flat screen tv. "I have Netflix, Hulu, Vudu, Prime. I even got a Firestick that I jail broke on YouTube... So really, literally anything you can imagine. Anything you want."

I put my hands in my sweater pocket and bit my lip as went and sat down on the big, comfy, black couch. 

"Uh... What do you wanna watch?" I asked as I stared at all the remotes on the glass coffee table. Whoa. Super hi-tech...

"Doesn't matter. Whatever you pick, I'm sure I'll like it." He called. "Dinner is almost ready... We can eat in the living room, too."

"Okay... Uh. How do you work this thing?"

He walked over, a lot faster than I'd expected. I watched him pick up four different remotes, working quickly to pull up Vudu. Hux and I didn't have nice tech like this, and I didn't even know how to work Vudu or what it even was. But Ben seemed eager to show me. 

I settled on Teen Witch, one of my favorite movies, even if it was a super dumb and corny. Hux hated it. But I loved movies where dreams came true, even if it made me a little sad that it wouldn't happen to me. Reality sucked. 

We ate our food on the couch and I tried to be super careful not to make a mess on his nice couch with the syrup... I felt him keep glancing at me, and it made my cheeks red. I wasn't used to nice, cute guys. 

I forgot about my phone completely. 

We laughed and talked a lot, well into the AM hours. We had a lot in common, in terms of TV shows and movies and music. 

Around 4:06am, he cleared his throat and looked at me. 

"Uh, Hux left your medication here for you."

I blushed hard... Oh god. How embarrassing. I didn't want a nice person to know I was a fucking drug addict... 

"Oh. Okay. Uhm... Well.." I rubbed my feet together and stared at the floor. 

Ben cocked his head, eyebrows drawn. "What's up?"

I twiddled my thumbs. 

"I, uh... I can't do it alone? I need help. With... With shooting it up. I'm scared of the needle..." I tried to laugh so it didn't sound as dumb with no success.

I bit my lip. God, how freaking _embarrassing_...

Ben smiled. "Yeah, I can help you. I've never done it before but you can..." He moved his hands around in a circle. "You can teach me and I'll do my best."

"Okay. Yeah. Thank you."

Ben got up and came back with a _huge_ bag of smack. My mouth fell open. Hux gave him all of _that_..?! How long was Hux planning on me being here?! 

Ben noticed the look on my face and shrugged. "He wanted to plan ahead, I guess."

I nodded with my mouth open. Uhhh... 

I awkwardly helped Ben measure it out, explaining the process step by step. I tied the tourniquet myself, holding the band between my teeth and offered him my arm, looking away at the ceiling. Ben stroked the track site softly before rubbing it with alcohol, something Hux never did. 

"Don't be nervous. I've seen this done plenty of times. Just gotta find a good vein. No biggie, honey."

My heart jumped at the term of endearment. I glanced at him, deciding to watch his face instead of the ceiling. His eyebrows were knitted together in concentration, his dark eyes lazer focused on his task of tapping to find a vein. 

His tongue even poked out of the corner of his mouth...

He was so darn adorable. Oh shit. I took in every detail of his face. I liked his big nose. His skin was so pretty and pale with a speckling of small, dark moles across his face like stars in the sky. He was very attractive. Maybe how I would imagine Hades would look... Everything about him was stark and interesting. And he could even cook some really yummy pancakes... I decided I really liked him. 

But then that thought instantly made me feel guilty. Hux was good to me. I shouldn't be thinking of one of his coworkers/customers/whatever like that... That wasn't fair of me to do. He took me in. He saved me from Plutt, even though he didn't have to. I loved him, even on his bad days.

I loved him, even though it hurt to. 

My thoughts were interrupted when he whispered, "Aha! Found one. Okay, deep breath, love... 1... 2... 3."

He stuck the needle in and pushed down on the plunger and a few seconds later, I was floating with a big dumb grin on my face. 

 

_He called me 'love'..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> send me some prompts on Tumblr! 
> 
> boogerzomaley


	7. Empathy Is The Poor Man's Cocaine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben POV

I watched Rey slump over onto my shoulder, her mouth ajar and eyes rolling back shut. 

It was kind of cute, really... 

_Uh... Sure, Ben. In a sort of... Really, really fucked up way, I suppose._

I rolled my eyes, ignoring Kylo while I eased my arm behind her and wrapped it around her shoulder. The TV was playing 3rd Rock From the Sun quietly in the background while I hitched her legs over my thighs and got comfortable. I nuzzled into her hair and sniffed along her throat. 

Her pheromones made me feel a little sleepy. 

_She's so... **Dirty**... Doesn't this girl ever shower?_

I shrugged lightly, trying not to wake her. 

Kylo huffed in disgusted disapproval. _And please stop rubbing your face all over her. It's so fucking pathetic._

I frowned as I pulled my face away from Rey and took another, closer look. Hmmm... Her hair was pretty greasy, and her clothes were pretty dirty, too... That wasn't good. 

"Should... Should I give her a bath?" I whispered to Kylo. 

Kylo hummed. _You should probably wake her up first. I don't think anyone wants to wake up naked with someone they barely know hovering over them with drool dripping from their mouth. Even sad, abused, broken minded, little drug addicts like her._

I was already hoisting her up into my arms and walking to the bathroom before Kylo was done droning on. He annoyed me so much. He thinks he knows the 'proper' way to act but I'm not some dipshit. I know how to act with people. It's not that hard. He's just jealous Rey likes me and we have so much in common. 

I set Rey down on the floor and turn on the water. 

Kylo laughed. _Oh, suuure. I'm **suuuuper** jealous of the drowned little ferret you've gone fucking goo-goo over... You had better wake her up before she does on her own, Ben. I guarantee she's not gonna be happy...._

I grumbled something like 'fuck off' before kneeling down in front of Rey and lightly tapped her face. Her eyes fluttered open and closed and few times and I whispered her name a dozen times before her eyes finally focused on me. I smiled, glad to see she was awake again. She muttered something I couldn't understand as she looked around. 

Ahh... She seems confused. How do I convince her to take off her clothes and bathe with out being a total creep..? 

Kylo was ready to answer that right away, with a sigh, as always... 

_Help her to her feet and tell her to get undressed and then leave her the hell alone, Ben. You're being a shadow. Girls don't like shadows. Give her some fucking space, Jesus._

"Argh... Okay, okay! Fine." I sighed and rested my hand on her cheek; she was warm and soft. "Rey? You gotta get up and take a shower, honey. I'll bring you some clean clothes and a towel in just a second, okay?" 

She just continued to stare at me, a weird look on her face. Does she.. Does she look happy? Maybe? I bit my lip and pulled her to her feet. She swayed a bit, but instantly started to take off her clothes. My cheeks burned and I turned around and headed right out the door, closing it behind me. I leaned against the door for a moment and sighed. 

_What the fuck are you so embarrassed about? You just saw her naked earlier. You didn't seem to mind so much then. I can't blame you, really. She is rather cute for someone so bruised and malnourished..._ He practically purred. 

I growled quietly at Kylo and swatted at the air like it could get rid of him, the annoying, buzzing hornet he was. 

"If I have to tell you to fuck off _one more time_ , I'm taking the medication and your ass is going to sleep. You hear me?" I crossed my arms, puffing my chest out. 

Kylo huffed in annoyance again. _Fine. You little fuckface... Let me know when you need me to kill yet **another** handsy asshole. You wittle cwy beebee. _

I got to the room with my back pack full of her things and started tearing through them, ignoring his jab. Everything was dirty and had worn-in holes... Hmm, I was gonna need to take her out to buy some new things tomorrow after work - 

**God. Damn. It.**

Shit.. I'd totally forgotten about work! I was surprised they hadn't been blowing my phone up all day. Gonna need to call in sick for a few days... Just until she was settled and I knew she wouldn't... Wander... 

I grabbed one of my old tee shirts and some old, clean boxers I thought might fit her if we rolled the waistband or something. I took them to the bathroom and knocked on the door, resting my ear against it. Rey's response was a quiet hum, so I walked in. 

She was sitting on the floor of the bathtub with the plastic curtain half drawn open, her eyes closed. Shampoo was bubbling in her hair. Her eyes opened slowly and she turned her head slowly to me and smiled a tiny smile. 

All I wanted to do was get in with her and wash her til her skin made squeaky noises and the bruises disappeared. Maybe kiss every inch of her, rub her down with lotion, feel her tan skin all over... 

"What's up, Ben?" 

Her soft voice startled me a little. 

"Oh. Uh... I brought you some clothes and a towel... Oh, and here's the lotion... For when you're done." I set it down on the counter and scratched the back of my head. "Your clothes were dirty so I brought you some of mine. I hope you don't mind." 

Rey grinned with heavy lidded eyes. "Aww. Thank you. So much. You..." She broke off her words for a moment and took a stuttering breath, smashing her eyes closed again. "You really don't have to do all this. I really... Re-really..." She rubbed her eyes. "Th-thank you, B-b-b-b... Ben." 

Rey was crying and I didn't even think before I was on my knees and embracing her in a big, tight hug. The water was getting me all wet but I didn't care. Rey held me back and sobbed for awhile. Eventually she calmed down and pulled away. She covered her breasts, crossed her legs and looked up and away at the corner of the shower, clearly embarrassed. 

"I'm sorry. That wasn't cool of me. I know men hate when girls cry. You're probably thinking I'm a total fucking nut job..." She shook her head, forcing a soft laugh. 

Kylo outright roared with laughter and I too started to laugh, which made her look at me, very confused. I waved my hands in front of me, trying to catch my breath. Her? A nut job? Please. 

"No, no, no. Really, you're not a nut job. I promise. Far from it. You just... I know Hux w - isn't very _kind_ to you and you know, I just - fuck it, I wanna show you some tenderness. You deserve it." 

She looked down for a long moment. "I just don't want to be any trouble, Ben. Please, just let me know when you want me gone and I'll go home and wait for Hux..." 

I shook my head quickly and smiled. "It's no problem, really. It's all good, love, really." She couldn't leave. As if I'd ever get bored of her company. 

Rey smiled up at me, her eyes sparkling in the fluorescent light. It took everything in me not to just squeeze her until she popped like a balloon. I patted her arm and closed the curtain, letting her finish her shower. 

I went out to start to make my bed on the couch, closing the all the blinds to the apartment to shut out the upcoming sunlight. 

Rey came out 10 or so minutes later, her long hair wet and braided. The way she looked, nearly drowning in my clothes, reminded me that I had a long road to travel until she was healthy again. Long, long road to recovery ahead. 

Body, mind and spirit. But I had all the time in the world. 

She kept trying to convince me to trade me the bed for the couch but I couldn't let her; she deserved good sleep. She bid me an awkward good night, lingering for a moment before ducking into my room to sleep. 

I crossed my arms behind my head and listened to her soft snoring carrying out to the living room and smiled. 

She really must be a nut job if she thinks I'm ever letting her out of my sight... I chuckled a little. 

But Kylo chimed in smuggly, always intent on pissing me off. 

_Oh sure, Ben. **She's** the fucking 'nut job'. Says the guy that kidnapped her and had his 'imaginary' friend kill her dope slinging, abusive cunt of a boyfriend. Then again... She really would be a nut job to want to stay when she figures it out... Meh... **if** she finds out. She seems sort of retarded, no?_

I turned over on my stomach and grumbled into my pillow. 

"Oh my _god_ , Kylo... Do you ever shut the fuck up?" 

Kylo flinched, his feelings clearly hurt. 

_As if you could survive without me, Ben. Now go to sleep._ Kylo snipped. 

"Sure thing, dad." I mumbled.

Kylo begrudgingly started orchestrating my dreams, Rey spotlighted as the star. I dozed off with a smile on my face, cuddling my pillow. 

Nothing but blue skies. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (: 
> 
>  
> 
> hit me up on Tumblr:
> 
> @boogerzomaley


	8. Love Is Just A Chemical By Any other Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyone else got that Lizzo 'truth hurts' song stuck in their head? Whewwwwww WHY MEN GREAT TIL THEY GOTTA BE GREAT amirite

I woke up late in the afternoon and it was still raining outside. 

I loved rainy days. I was glad I'd come to Oregon instead of somewhere like Florida. That would have sucked. 

Dang it... I'd slept _way_ too hard again. My arm was asleep and my back was stiff. Ugh. But his bed was super comfortable... I snuggled into the covers and inhaled deeply like a weirdo. He smelled _good_ \- even if it was his... Natural scent or whatever. It had a nice spice to it. I inhaled through my nose again, taking a deep breath. 

God, this was really weird. But I didn't want to stop. Couldn't. 

I never really liked Hux's scent. He always smelled like plain soap. Yuck. 

Ben's smell, however, made my mouth water. It made me feel sort of guilty again, thinking about Ben instead of Hux. But there was nothing wrong with just thinking about Ben. Thinking was fine. 

...Right? 

I bit my lip, glancing at the door before I settled back into the blankets and closed my eyes, letting my mind wander for awhile... 

I imagined Ben was next to me, sleeping soundly, his arm around me. Him waking up and smiling when he saw me, bringing me closer to him and kissing me all over and us giggling and cuddling. He would get up and carry me to the kitchen and set me on the counter while he started to make breakfast for us but then he'd get distracted and we'd make love instead of just getting fucked while being fucked up. Sober and in love. 

It was picture perfect. It was everything I'd always could have ever hoped for. It was everything I didn't deserve... 

I heard a sliding glass door open and close, so I decided to get up and tip toed out to the living room, but Ben was gone. I went to the glass door, peeking out. He was standing there, leaning against the railing on his elbows and smoking a cigarette. He was in a big black hoodie and black joggers. His hair was messy and he had some stubble on his chin. 

I sighed longingly. He was so pale and handsome...

His full lips were moving and I thought maybe he was on the phone, but he did seem to tend to mutter to himself a lot. It was a little weird but I didn't mind it. It was an interesting character trait... He was overall just interesting and kind and nice and sweet... 

My heart ached.

I couldn't deny it... I'd developed a little bit of a crush on him. It was gonna hurt when Hux came back for me. 

I went to turn away and sneak back into his room, maybe try to avoid him. That was best. Hux would be back for me anytime now and I would go back to my life with him and be... Miserable. I didn't miss him at all. But I should have. I should have missed him. Why didn't I miss him? 

_Bad Rey, bad!_ I chastised myself. _Ungrateful slut._

Ben turned towards me suddenly and smiled. He motioned for me to come out, so I did, slowly. I joined him in the crisp air, murmuring a hello. He took a hit and handed it to me as he blew out a big puff of smoke. I took it between my fingers, lightly grazing his fingers. _Maybe_ on accident. But I felt a little shock, making my mouth fall open a bit and my eyes flew right to his. 

Ben smiled as he looked down at me, smothering me with a fire in his eyes I didn't understand. 

"Don't worry. I felt it, too."

I looked away quickly and took a hit. It hurt my lungs; it'd been awhile since I'd smoked a cigarette. I coughed a little and handed it back to him, careful not to touch him this time. 

Ben inhaled and flicked it out into the street, and I watched it fall down stories and stories before losing sight of it. Whoa, we were really high up... He stretched and sighed. 

"Wanna get stoned?" He asked nonchalantly. 

I nodded, thankful for the chance to not be sober. "Yeah, sure. Why not?"

We went back inside and I tried not to stare at him (failing horribly) while he ground the weed up, sprinkling it expertly into a joint that he sealed with a quick lick of his long, pink tongue. My cheeks grew hot and I looked at the floor. 

_Stop. Being. Weird. Rey._

 

A few hours had passed and I was still high as a kite. Good pot.

We watched Samurai Jack in silence, Ben sipping on a scotch. I kept to water since my mouth was just so dry. I hadn't been high on anything but heroin in a long time... It was kind of nice: being snuggled up with a blanket and pillow, warm and fuzzy. Comfy. Ben was leaned back, his arm around the back of the couch, his long legs spread out. I kept sneaking glances at him and most times he would catch me and grin lazily at me and I would blush and pretend to watch TV, seemingly totally interested in the show even though I didn't know what was happening. 

Over and over we did this until the sun set and I eventually sobered up a little. Ben checked his phone at some point and cleared his throat. 

"Uh... It's about 8:32pm... Do you uh... Wanna eat? Or..." He looked up at me. "Get high first?"

I stared at him for a moment with my eyebrows knitted, a little confused. " Aren't we... Already high?"

He raised an eyebrow at me and I felt a little lost in his dark hazel eyes. He smirked. 

"Like..." He pointed to the inside of his elbow. 

"Oh! Uh... We can eat first." I felt a little mortified that he was so casual about my drug habit. Weirdly I wasn't _as_ antsy to push off... Super weird, actually. Usually it consumed my mind. But he had been bouncing around in my head instead, shoving it out of the way. 

Ben got up and went to lean on his counter, pulling out his phone as he called out, "What do you feel like eating, honey?"

Gosh. This all felt so... So _domestic_. I smiled into my pillow and called back, "Whatever you'd like, Benny. I don't mind." I grinned wide. 

I meant it. He could do whatever he'd like and I wouldn't mind.

Not at all. 

 

Hux who?


	9. I Like The Way Your Pheromones Make Me Sleepy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> went to Disneyland today with my man  
> saw a lot of people wearing Star Wars merch  
> my bf then said, "imagine... maybe one of these people have read your fics."  
> all I could say was "that would be so rad... the godless heathen."

Things were going _great._

We were stoned, just lounging around in my apartment, watching cartoons and eating pasta. It was really great. I loved every single second of it. I especially loved when I kept catching Rey looking at me, a little light in her eyes. Kylo even seemed to enjoy the way she looked away and blushed. 

_She likes you, Ben... Maybe tonight you can toe the water, see how she reacts. Remember: baby steps, don't frighten her away._

I chewed the inside of my cheek, my heart racing at the idea of touching her, even just a little. There was a spark between us - literally. The look on her face when she accidentally had touched my fingers... 

She felt it... And she _liked_ it. I smiled behind my hand. 

I'd been doing research on my phone when I'd woken up earlier about weaning someone off of heroin. It had to be small, gradual... I had time for that. I'd told work that I was sick with pneumonia, wouldn't be in for at the very least two weeks. I could get Rey all settled in. This was good. This was _great._

I checked my phone. Oh. It was time for Rey's medicine. 

She lifted her sweater sleeve and I traced the track marks. Just a little less than last night... I would get her clean and sober. I would fix her. Her bruises would disappear and so would her memories of that piece of shit rat bastard mother fucker -

_Ah-ah-ah, Ben. Even you know that's not how that works. Some scars never heal for good._

A flash of a memory I'd shoved down for years fluttered across my vision, just for a second. But it burned me like it did every time. Like the first time. 

My heart snapped in half. Poe...

Oh - NOPE. 

I shoved the thought away and swabbed Rey's arm with alcohol, inserting the needle and pushing the plunger down slowly. I watched her reaction, weirdly pleased to see her happy. It made me feel better, to see her look so dreamy... Maybe I didn't need to wean her off so soon... She looked so happy. 

_Ben..._ Kylo warned. 

I ignored him; he didn't know _everything_...

Rey slumped over a little, her eyelids fluttering. 

Ah, fuck it. 

I learned over and kissed her before Kylo yelled out, furious, in my head while she gasped a tiny 'oh' in surprise. 

_BEN! What are you doing?!_

I ignored him still, even more when Rey actually kissed me back, a little sluggishly. But that was okay with me, any kind of permission was good enough. I kissed her all over her face and she giggled a bit. Yes. Yessss. She liked it. See? She likes it! I felt so triumphant.

Kylo remained quiet but I could still feel his growing anger. 

Whatever. 

A pretty little goddess was happy because of _me_. I snuggled into her chest and wrapped my arms around her. Her heart puttered unevenly. I was still stoned, and kind of sleepy. Rey stroked my hair lazily, grazing her long fingernails against my scalp and I swear I would have purred if I could. 

"What do you know?" I muttered to Kylo as I drifted off into sleep. 

"Hmmm?" Rey hummed as she paused. 

"Oh... Uh. Nothing. Sorry. Please, don't stop?" I nuzzled against her small tits. Too tired to do anything about my half hard dick. Too content to care, really. She continued her light stroking. 

"Soft... So soft." She mumbled. 

"Mmhm. Pantine."

She chuckled and sighed. 

I couldn't keep the smile off my face. 

Kylo growled. _You idiot. This is not going to go the way you think. She's gonna find out what we did and she's going to BOLT. She's going to call the police and we're going to rot in prison. You fucking idiot. Idiot. IDIOT._

I shrugged. I knew that wasn't true. Rey would never find out and she wouldn't bolt even if she did. She was was _happy_ here with me. I was the knight in shinning armor who saved her. I did the right thing. Kylo was just... Stupid. 

He laughed suddenly and it sent goosebumps up my spine. 

_Don't **make me** put you to sleep again._

My eyes snapped open and I held Rey closer, tighter. 

She lightly gasped and lifted her hands off my head. 

"I - I'm sorry! Did I do something wrong...?"

I shook my head quickly and looked up to her, trying to smile. 

"No! No... No, of course not. Don't stop. Please."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kylo u trippin Ben is doing just great sweetie keep it up 👌
> 
>  
> 
> send me some prompts on tumblr! 
> 
> @boogerzomaley


	10. Mastermind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV and then Ben POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW suicide attempt
> 
> check out some of my other stupid stories and tell me they're stupid plz 🖤

He... He _kissed_ me. 

It was out of nowhere. 

It shocked me. 

It was wrong. So wrong. Bad. Wrong. 

But it wasn't _unwanted_...

I'd just been nodding out with a smile on my face, petting his luscious hair when he'd suddenly clung to me too tightly, and I got scared I'd made him mad... 

He promised I didn't, so I drifted off to sleep, happy. I believed him. 

Now that I was awake, staring at the ceiling, a dry lump in my throat and tears streaming down my face in silence... I didn't feel so happy anymore. No. 

I was a monster.

How could I do this to Hux? He was going to be so heart broken if - no, no, no - _when_ he found out... What if Ben told him? Hux would beat me into _a pulp!_ And if I survived that, he would obviously throw me out on the streets and I'd have nothing... I'd have nowhere to go! Why did I let this happen? Why did I have to be alive? I don't deserve Ben letting me stay here while Hux was away... Did I give any indications that I wanted him? Was this a test from Hux? Oh my god, I fucked it all up. 

This was all my fault. 

The best thing to do would be to call and tell him out right. That was the only thing that made sense. 

Tell Hux. 

_ASAP._

I jumped up, shoved Ben from my lap, and ran to the backpack with my stuff. I tore everything out, throwing it all around me in a panic. No sign of my phone. 

What I did find, however... I bit my lip, chewing on it anxiously. I was about to explode but this would help put everything to sleep. I stared at the kilo in my shaking, sweaty hands, my thoughts all screeching to a halt. All except one...

Guess it wouldn't take much smack to put me to sleep... For good. 

"Fuck it." I muttered.

I dumped a good portion into a pile on the black desk and shoved my face into the pile and inhaled several times. It burned so bad. I gagged but didn't stop. Follow through. Follow through. Too late to bitch out now. After the 7th or 8th snort, I was higher than the atmosphere. Higher than ever before. My eyes rolled back and so did my body. I guess I felt the impact, but not the pain. I think my nose was bleeding and my veins buzzed intensely. I felt sick. Fuck it. 

Eat your heart out, Scarface. 

 

******

 

I woke up on the floor, with Rey missing. My initial reaction was pure fledged panic: she had gotten lose and was never coming back. She had found out what had happened and had went to the police, she -

 _Oh for fuck sake, Ben! She might be in the bathroom... Calm down._ Kylo hissed to me. 

I swept my hand through my hair a few times while I caught my breath. I tried to use what Dr. Snoke had thought me and count to 30. I took a deep, shaky breath in and closed my eyes.

Okay, okay... Breathe with the numbers. 

Deep breath. 1... Deep breath. 2... Fuck it. 

I jumped up and scrambled to the bathroom. The door was open, dark. No Rey. My heart palpated uncontrollably. 

I began to chant. 

"No no no no no no no no no no NOOOO!"

I grabbed my hair and pulled roughly, strands come out in between my fingers, feeling utterly lost and scared. 

_The bedroom, you idiot! THE BEDROO -_

I was ten steps ahead as I slid and skidded to a stop on the carpet right at the cracked open bedroom door. I pushed it open roughly with my elbow. 

Her things were still there, all ripped out of the back pack. I hummed with aggravation while I crouched down to my knees as I put her things neatly back in. _Wait... Where is the bag of heroin?_

I sat back on my calves and scratched my head.

No. 

No, she wouldn't just take that and leave. She would take her clothes. They're the only ones she owned. And I should know - I went through all of her stuff. I rubbed my jaw as I pondered. I was about 3 seconds from ripping my hair out. I could feel the walls closing in and I was gonna become feral. 

Where. Is. She. 

Kylo noticed before I did. 

_Ben..._ Kylo whispered. _to the left..._

I looked over swiftly, only to see her feet first, and then her unconscious body on the floor. Oh. She was... Sleeping on the floor? Thank FUCK! 

I crawled over to her, ready to cover her in more kisses until I really saw her... 

Her eyes were a pinch open, glazed over and she was laying next to a spill of dark vomit. Powdered heroin crusted to her face in a fucked up, sad Santa beard. .

I immediately began CPR, never mind the vomit and smack. I began to shake her violently, tears running down my cheeks, probably gripping her too hard. 

Kylo was silent, also unsure of what to do. 

"Help me! HELP ME!"

Kylo paused. _...T-take her to the bathroom. Put her in the tub._

I nodded frantically and scooped her up and ran. Her skin was hot and she was sweating a lot. I checked her pulse after I set her down in the tub. It was weak, but still there. 

"What! Now what?!" I was breathless. Terrified.

_Okay... Okay. You need to get her to vomit some more. You remember that trick from high school._

Kylo sounded just as distressed as I did. 

I reached over and ran the faucet, dipped my shaking fingers underneath, getting them nice a wet. I opened Rey's mouth and jammed my fingers inside, practically fucking her throat with my digits. She instantly began to gag and vomit spewed passed my fingers, still half way down her throat. 

_Take them out for Christ sake! She's gonna asphyxiate!_ Kylo ordered. 

I leaned her forward and turned on the shower, icy cold water pouring down on us both. She hiccuped and threw up again, shivering violently. She fell back against the wall with her eyes still unfocused. Her lips were very pale, and she hung limply to the side. 

"H-h-hux... Hux i-is... He's g-gonna k-k-k-k-k-killllllllll meeeeeee...." She slurred as her head lolled about. 

My heart exploded in pure joy. SHE'S ALIVE! AND SPEAKING! 

Kylo even drew a breath of relief. 

I stroked her face, her hair, she shoulders. 

"Rey..." Tears poured from my eyes. 

She slipped back into unconsciousness before I could say anything else. But that was okay. She was still alive. But she had made my choice very clear. 

She was going to have to be on a stricter watch now. 

Kylo seemed to nod in agreement. _Let's get to before she wakes up. No more risks, no more chances._

I hurried from the bathroom and jogged to under my bed, getting the rope. 

This is gonna be for her own good.

_And ours._


	11. Swan Lake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Kylo and Nurse Ben are not medical professionals and neither am I

i shivered uncontrollably. Oh my fucking god. 

I felt _so horrible_.

I couldn't even open my eyes. It would have taken too much effort and I didn't have the strength to even consider using any effort. 

I was freezing, but my skin was slick with sweat. I was shivering intensely under the two big blankets that covered me. My limbs ached beyond belief and my stomach was in knots. I clenched my teeth when a bout of nausea rolled through me, my dry mouth instantly salivating, getting ready for the burning bile to spill from my empty guts. 

I'd come down before. Many times. Why was this worse than any of those, times 1000? Oh my god. This was too much... 

I could only moan pitifully. 

I heard some muttering going on somewhere in the room. Was it Hux? Was I back home? How did I get here? Did Ben regret what had happened and give me back to Hux? I didn't feel any bruising. My lips were cut, but I think only because they were so dry. I licked them but didn't taste any dried blood. 

Then I wasn't around Hux...

Where was I? 

My stomach lurched violently and I sat up quickly, defying my aching body, covering my mouth. Everything was blurry but I felt a bucket hit my chest and I emptied the bile into it. It smelled horrible. I fell back and wrapped the blanket around me, shaking and trembling. Someone smoothed my hair from my sweaty forehead and gently placed a straw against my lips. 

I gulped it down, fuck what my stomach wanted. I was so thirsty, it was hell. Everything about this was hell. I had a few vague memories flying around my head: a cold shower, fingers in my throat, red vomit, a pile of heroin and an in depth view of it... 

_Oh._

The blush crept up my chest to my cheeks. 

Oh. My. God. 

I tried to... to... To 'check out early' again... And it didn't work. Again. 

How. Fucking. _Embarrassing._

I groaned and pulled my arm over my eyes, blocking out the light. That meant that was either Ben or a nurse. I hoped it wasn't a nurse... I didn't have insurance and they'd have me hightailed out of the hospital in a second. Wouldn't be the first time... I groaned again. 

A cold cloth was wiped across my forehead. 

"Shh, shh. It's okay, Rey. You're safe, you're okay. Shh, shh."

I peeked from under my arm to see Ben, a weird expression across his face. He didn't look mad, thankfully. He looked... Happy? 

Why? That meant he had a dumb, junkie girl who wasn't stable enough to handle a kiss, and wasn't capable enough to actually kill herself properly. 

_So embarrassing._

I glanced around and realized we were in his room. 

"What... Happened...?"

My voice was haggard and rough. Product of all the bile, I guess. Shit. 

Ben just shushed me again and began to apply chap stick to my cracked lips. Some classical music I vaguely remembered from somewhere was playing softly and I noticed Ben had his hair in a bun. He reached for a bowl next to him and blew on the contents of the spoon before offering it to me. I stared at him as I took a sip of the plain broth. 

He looked... Different. 

I couldn't put my finger on it but... But he definitely looked different. Was I going crazy? 

"B.. Ben..?"

His eyebrows drew together and he smiled a tiny smile. 

"Ahh.. No. Ben is taking a bit of a back seat right now, Rey. But don't you worry your pretty little head: I'm happy to help." He gathered another spoonful and blew softly on it before offering it to me. 

I stared blankly at him. What the fuck was he talking about? 

I opened my mouth obediently anyways, glad to have something warm in my empty, raw stomach. A little bit spilled down the corner of my mouth and he dabbed it with a cloth. 

"Still a messy eater." He chuckled. 

"S-sorry..."

He shook his head. "Don't be. It's somewhat endearing."

He stood up and set the bowl down. 

"I'm going to clean out your mess. Don't worry, I'll only be a moment." He picked up the puke bucket and walked away. 

Even his walk was strange. His back was straight and he moved almost... Elegantly. What the hell was with him? And all that stuff about Ben not being here? Was I going crazy from being so sick? I must not have heard him right...

I laid back down and rolled into a ball, my bones feeling like they were made of peanut brittle. I closed my eyes and continued to shake. This was miserable. Is this what it feels like to almost die from an overdose? Ugh...

I heard Ben come back into the room, setting the bucket down near my head on the floor. He stroked my hair again, humming to the music. I was so tired but I needed to know... 

"What happened?" I whispered again. 

Ben sighed. "You took a face full of heroin, nearly over dosed. I took you to the hospital, but you don't have insurance. They did have a file on you, though. You're only 17?"

I curled deeper under the covers. Oh god. 

"I didn't realize you were so young, just figured you _looked_ young... The nice nurse told me some home remedies to get you back together. It's important to stay hydrated. I've bought you some Pedalite and lots of water." 

He pulled the blanket back and took my hand into his warmth, stroking his thumb against my knuckles.

"Don't you worry, Rey. We're gonna get you back to tip top shape."

I peaked one eye open to look at him and he smiled before it disappeared to tight line and he rolled his eyes. 

"Oh, please. Relax, Ben. It's not like that. Jesus." He muttered. "Ben sure is protective of you, little one. But don't worry; _my_ feelings are purely professional. I'm here to make sure you're taken care of, _properly_." He patted my hand before he withdrew it. 

"Let's have you sit up, and I'll taken your temperature."

He turned around as I painstakingly and slowly sat up. Everything hurt so bad. But I noticed he referred to Ben as a different person again and it made me feel nervous. Was he joking around? Weird joke to keep making... I rubbed my arms and stared at the black blanket. 

My heart dropped suddenly. 

Oh shit. What if Ben was crazy? Would Hux leave me in the hands of someone crazy? Someone more dangerous than him? 

"If... If you're not Ben... Who are you?" I whispered hoarsely. 

He turned around with a thermometer and chuckled. 

"Open your mouth please, under the tongue. That's right, very good." 

We stared at one another while we waited for the beep. 

He took it carefully from my mouth and he frowned. 

"Hmm... Still a little high. And you're shivering... Must be trying to break the fever. Would you like a hoodie?"

I nodded slowly, and he nodded along with me. 

He pulled one up from next to his chair and helped me get it on, pulling my greasy and sweat drenched hair gently from the inside and smoothed it out. He smiled politely again and placed his hands in his lap and just stared at me. 

I looked away as I settled back into the pillows and bit my lip again, tasting Carmex. I twiddled my thumbs for a moment before trying again. 

"You didn't answer... Answer my question..."

He sighed lightly. 

"I'm Kylo." He said. "Think of me as... Ben's conscience. We argue about things a lot, I'm sure you've noticed. I'm apart of him. I take over when he isn't... equipped for the task at hand. He was so scared about what had happened. And..." He cut off suddenly and I looked up at him. He has that same thin lipped look of slight annoyance again. "And he says he's every sorry about kissing you without your permission. He just got excited. But there won't be any of that while I'm in charge. I promise."

I continued to stare blankly at him. 

Uh... What? 

Ben - or... Kylo? - lifted his hand, offering me his pinky. I slowly took it, still totally confused and made a pinky promise for something I didn't quite understand yet. 

He smiled sweetly. 

"You're in good hands, Rey. We'll get you back together again. Maybe even better than you were before all this. Bruises heal, cuts can disappear. We know a thing or two about scars. We can get passed this."

He let go of my pinky, and kissed my knuckles. 

"That is a promise we both intended to keep."

He opened an orange pill bottle and I glanced the name 'Ben Solo' on it. He fished out one white oblong pill and cracked it half and held it up to me between his thin, pale fingers. 

"It's a vicodin. An opiate, it should help with the aches and help you sleep. Ah, and a nausea pill. For your raw belly."

He pulled out a smaller white pill from the same bottle. 

I just continued to stare at his hand. I didn't know what to think. What was happening? 

Kylo chuckled as he shook his head. "It's a low dose, don't worry. It won't 'zonk you out'. Unless you would prefer a sleeping pill to go with it? You could use the rest..."

I just opened my mouth for him, his fingers lightly tracing my bottom lip before bringing up the water and straw. I swallowed them and laid back down, bringing the blanket up to my chin. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He was a different person... Like Fight Club? 

The reality was setting in. I was stuck in an apartment with a crazy man. Oh God.

"Where is Hux... Did you tell... Him?" I whispered aloud. 

Kylo shook his head slowly, his jaw slightly set. 

"We'll discuss _Mr. Hux_ a bit later after you've slept, little one."

I nodded slowly. 

Kylo stood up and kissed my forehead.

"Sleep well, sweetheart. If you need anything, I won't be far. Promise."

He left the room then, and I laid there, listening to the classical music playing. It eventually began to lull me to sleep, my brain fighting over running for the hills and trying not to smile at him calling me sweetheart. 

Well... At least I was stuck with a nice, crazy man. 

I smiled and snuggled into the blanket, the pills working nice and slowly to soothe my pain, my eyelids falling closed. 

He called me sweetheart. 

My daddy used to call me sweetheart...


	12. Fix Me, Fix My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's learn about Kylo

This poor girl. 

At least this time, Ben and his impulsivity had done something _somewhat_ helpful... This young girl was subject to some very terrible things. Sitting back seat as Ben followed them down the street was... Painful. 

Stabbing him and then kicking the rot out of him, however, was... Cathartic. Ben couldn't do it, but even he enjoyed himself. It wasn't the first time I had to put garbage in the trash compactor. Down the shute he went, and now he was decomposing in his bath tub. 

I wondered if anyone had found him yet... 

We took his cell phone, forwarding all the calls to texts that said 'busy, call you back later' or 'fuck off, not in town for awhile'. Had to turn the damned thing off after a few hours. The man was popular among other junkies. He even had a nice fat stack of cash for us hidden in a drawer. It was a nice payment we could survive off of for at least a year. Which was excellent - Ben was going to lose this job pretty soon. 

Everytime our thoughts fell on Hux, a smile would turn up on my face. Ben would cringe from the images, but I relished in them. 

I myself was used to violence at this point in my existence. Ben and I shared the burden of war. We watched friends die, be blown up, shot in the face by the enemy. But even then... Poe was the hardest of hardships for us both. 

Poe was more than a brother in arms. 

We'd never loved anyone as much as we loved him. Not family, not friends. It was sheer luck we were to meet him. It was absolute magic to know him outside the uniform, his lean and tan body. His spirit was unmatched, as was his love making. 

Ben hadn't been able to get over it, and if I was being honest, neither had I. But quick snippets flashed before my eyes when I was in control. I couldn't help it; everything about him was admirable. I wanted Poe back. 

But now, we'd taken in a beaten stray. 

Rey was nothing but a sweet little kitten that flinched at almost every movement. I needed to understand how she gotten to this point. I needed to know everything about her, as did Ben. 

How does an angel get caught in a devil's thorny grasp? How does the Maker allow this? I needed to solve this riddle. 

_It's like the sky opened and God handed her directly to us, to save her. This is our greater purpose._

Ben sounded so dreamy. 

He was caught in her net. I couldn't really blame him, but Rey was too innocent. A junkie with a heart. I didn't miss a single beat from her: I noticed everytime one of us used a term of endearment with her, her eyes sparkled and she tried to hide her smile. 

Some of her mannerisms reminded me of Poe, however, and that stung. 

The messy eating, the strange way her mouth moved to speak causing her a tiny speech impediment, and the way she had stroked our hair.... 

_Poe and I were laying together in our tent one night. My head was on his chest. He didn't mind cuddling me, even though I was so much taller and bulkier than him. We used to make up stories to tell each other, hushed whispers and hardly contained giggles escaped us between kisses._

_'I wish we could be in a real bed... Order some phō, watch some Sopranos, drink some good beer...' Poe whispered into my hair. 'Actually be back out in the real world, be able to hold fucking hands.'_

_I leaned forward to kiss him, and looked into his eyes while I rubbed his earlobe._

_'I know, love. I know... Why, I didn't realize you had your ears pierced. What else don't I know about you?'_

My curiosity had no bounds. I could never know enough. And I never would, either. Three days later he was shot down right in front of me. I was frozen, but Ben reacted with passion. 

He shot down any man not in American uniform, screaming like a banshee. It was the first and only time I had sat back with no words, no wisdom. I watched his bloodshed helplessly. Ben fell down at Poe's feet, grabbing him by the collar, crying and screaming for him to open his eyes, to speak, anything. 

But there was nothing. 

 

I found myself crying on the floor, just outside the bedroom Rey was recovering in. My heart ached and it made me sick. I needed Ben's medication. I'd felt enough for one day. I crawled into the room, shuffling through all the pill bottles. 

I found what I was looking for and sat with my legs spread out, staring at Rey's sleeping face, holding the pill. Her bruises were turning a light green, the cuts were scabbing over. She skin was still a little pale, and the scars on her face where less noticable. I watched her sleep for a long time, and my heart felt less heavy. She was beautiful, but she was still closer to a child than a woman. 

Fuck it. 

I decided to toss the pill aside, and picked myself up. She needed us. And we were going to wrap her up in love and support, whether she wanted it or not. 

"Ben. We're putting in overtime."

Ben crowed victoriously. _Now we're talkin'! First thing's first: we're gonna need to strap her down._

I sighed. I was caged in with a lunatic. 

But he was right. There couldn't be any running. Not now. 

We were all bound too deep.


	13. I Woke Up Dreaming; You Are My Vision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV
> 
> Rey wakes up and sees what the boys have put together for her recovery. She isn't thrilled, and has a lot of questions that need answering.

When I had first woken up, I was confused. 

As my brain caught up to what was happening, I was scared. 

Then I was just plain mad. 

I was handcuffed, both of my hands, behind me and to the bed post. At least my legs were free, but because of how Hux had always been with me, this position meant extremely rough sex and since I'd realized Ben was a total crazy person, I wasn't so into the idea like I was before. 

And Ben was bigger than Hux and I was scared to see just how much force he would use against me. I had no chance of escape and that scared me. As the minutes ticked by however, I grew angry. 

He had no right to chain me up like this... I wasn't going to hurt myself again, I wasn't going to attack him. I hadn't even thought about leaving until the moment I woke up handcuffed. My anger grew the longer I sat there. 

Who did he think he was, anyways? He wasn't a doctor, he didn't know what was best for me. He had no right keeping me prisoner in his apartment. Once Hux heard about this, it was gonna be lights out for Ben. He was so screwed. 

I sighed. 

I wished I could get ahold of Hux, see what he was doing... I wondered why he would leave town without me, leave me in the care of a total stranger... Usually total strangers were big time dealers that had so much money, they would rather have sex with a girl like me than get more money. 

And that was fine... I was helping Hux and earning my place at home. Hux said I wasn't a good house bitch since I could barley cook and I was always too fucked up to clean as much as he wanted. But it made him happy when I sucked dick while he watched and weighed out what ever he was buying. He would sometimes buy me a nice dinner at Applebee's whenever things were done. 

I didn't like doing those things... But I loved to see Hux happy and counting his money. I liked to think I made him proud. All I ever really wanted was someone to praise me like my daddy used to before he died of liver failure. He would praise my drawings, and high test scores. I wasn't a good reader but I was good with math. That helped Hux out too because he wasn't very good at math. 

I missed him so much, suddenly. 

His good days outweighed the really bad days... He was rough and tough with everyone, not just me. He had to be, anyways. If someone couldn't cover a front they'd asked for the last time, Hux would 'knock their lights out'. I usually stayed outside when he did that, though. The first time was too scary. 

I was busy trying to remember how Hux sounded when he talked when Ben came in. 

My jaw hit the floor. 

He was wearing a ridiculous pink and frilly apron, a wooden block with food on it, and a big, red clown nose. 

What... The.. Fuck. 

Ben grinned at me and winked, setting the block down on the nightstand and doing a girly twirl. I couldn't contain myself - I burst out laughing until I had tears in my eyes. It was so random and weird. I forgot I was handcuffed, I was laughing so hard. 

Ben laughed with me, honking his big red nose. 

"See? Patch Adams was right: laughter really is the best medicine." He said as he sat down in the chair next to the bed. "How are you feeling?"

I yucked up the last of my giggles before answering. "Mm, I'm feeling a lot better. Thank you."

Wait... Thank you? No!

"Hey, no, wait a minute!" I exclaimed. "Why did you do _this_?!" I yanked on the handcuffs. 

Ben shrugged like it wasn't anything new. 

"You can't be trusted, Rey. We're afraid you're going to hurt yourself again, and we can't stomach another trip to the hospital." He raised an eye brow at me. 

I blushed. Yeah, okay... Maybe he... Or - _they?_ -had a point... 

"Well... I don't like it." I all but pouted. "It's not fair. And I don't think _Hux_ would appreciate to know what you're doing to me." 

I felt a little braver with that threat in my corner. Ha! I had an ace this whole time, he must have forgotten because his face fell blank, and then twisted into a weird combination of sadness and worry. 

Good. 

It didn't matter how handsome or nice he was or even how much I still liked him - he couldn't keep me here forever. 

"Yeah.... About that..." He murmured as he looked away, out the window behind me. "Ben? Do you want to tell her, or should I?"

So he was still playing that 'extra personality' game. Okay. Fine. I could play along. 

"Tell me what?" I asked, trying to catch his attention. I felt scared suddenly, like the bad news would break me in half. "What? What is it?! Tell me!" I could barely breathe. 

"Oh my god, oh my god, what happened to Hux?! You better fucking tell me!" I writhed around and yanked as hard as I could against the cuffs but I was still weak and in pain. I tired myself out too quickly and layed there panting, panic like a two story house laying on my chest. 

I stared at him, feeling like a wild animal as I watched Kylo hunch over a little and pulling the tie from his hair and flicked off the nose. This was Ben, I knew that for sure now. He looked sad as he bit his lip and swept his hand through his hair a few times. 

I was sweating and grinding my teeth in anticipation. 

_What?! What is it?! What could it possibly be!_

Ben finally looked up to me and shook his head, his eyes looking down and to the left. 

"Rey.. I'm so sorry, but Hux is dead."

My entire body froze, lead and ice replacing the blood in my veins. 

I... No... He? No... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... 

Ben wiped a tear from my cheek I didn't notice falling. 

I sat completely still for a long time, trying to process what he had said. 

There was no way... Hux was... Hux was invincible. He was too tough, too strong. He couldn't... He wasn't... 

No. I refused to believe it, even as my brain whispered several different things to me:

_He **was** only human... _

_He **was** around a lot of bad people... _

_He **was** a known hot head..._

It startled me how easy it was to already know him as past tense. 

It startled me even more at one thought in particular... 

_I'm free...._

Ben scared me when he leaned closely in and hugged me tightly. 

"I'm so sorry, honey. It happened last night. He was stabbed... It must have been a big time gangbanger or something. There aren't any leads..." I glanced at him time to see his smile disappear like a candle being blown out; so quick I must have imagined it. 

I took a giant shuddering breath in, the weight of everything falling on top of me. I sobbed and sobbed for what felt like forever, remorse and agony squeezing my insides. Ben stroked the back of my head and it helped my brain change gears in my head at break neck speeds. 

That thought reoccured once, and then over and over again. 

_I'm free... I'm free... I'm finally free..._

I completely missed the irony of that thought; I had never been free before, and I'd never be free ever in my life. But somehow... I was okay with being trapped with Ben and Kylo. 

They both took turns whispering to me, "It's okay, love, you're okay."/" We're here, we're here. Everything is going to be perfect. It's okay, it's okay."

Ben (and I knew it was Ben, because Kylo wouldn't be so rude) kissed me all over my face as I went from drowning sorrow to being blindingly happy. He held my chin in his index finger and thumb, making me look up to him. 

"You've got nowhere else to go, you've got no one looking for you. You're all alone," He whispered, gazing into my eyes. He smiled sweetly and kissed and licked my tears. 

 

"You're nothing - but not to us."


	14. Charcoal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben POV

Rey was surprisingly easy going after a few days, despite the news. She was all smiles, gracious and excited to see us when we walked through the door. It was sort of weird, to be honest... Didn't she miss him at all? Or had she just skipped right to denial? 

_Who cares? She's happy!_

Meh, trueeeeee. 

I hooked up my laptop so we could watch Netflix and gave her her daily dosage of vicodin, which I figured would help ween her off opiates entirely. But she complained more and more about body aches, and she convinced me a few times to shoot her up. Kylo would just huff like always, but wouldn't say much else. 

There wasn't really much else we could do... We had to keep her comfortable if she was going to be locked away until we could trust her. We even took the razors out of the bathroom, just in case. We ordered so much delivery but it was helping Rey finally start to gain some weight. 

We'd bring her out on the balcony when we smoked a cigarette, our wrist handcuffed to hers. We smoked weed and played video games. A notice in the mail came in, informing me that I had been fired. Whatever. There were tons of jobs out here in the city. Finding one would be a piece of pie. Or cake? Whatever. 

 

 

It'd been three and a half weeks since Rey came to live with us, and we'd taken off the handcuffs two days ago. 

Kylo and I decided that we should probably take her outside since the weather has been kind of nice.... Maybe even buy her some new clothes instead of the ratty sweater and Hux's old tee shirts. We even let her have her phone back, although... Under our supervision, of course. 

Rey nearly burst from the seams when Kylo told her. 

She jumped up and ran to brush her teeth and shower. The shopping was uneventful, and really boring. The only fun part was to watch her eyes sparkle when she tried something nice on. She didn't know it yet, but we were taking her out for a nice dinner, in the real world. 

She was still a little jumpy and nervous, but I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her in close, shielding her from all the gross people. I couldn't stand the idea of another person touching her. It would be a violation of _our_ princess. I nearly growled at men who even glanced at her. 

No touchy...

Rey tugged on my arm. 

"Yes, honey?"

"You two should get yourselves something, too..."

"Uh... I mean, I guess?"

She dragged us around the men's department of Macy's, picking up dress shirts and placing them against our chest. She made a silly, thoughtful face as she picked up a dark grey one. 

"Hmm... Might be a major change for you. No black."

I shrugged. "Black is easy to match."

"It makes you look like the that guy from the Matrix. Neon or whatever."

I pinched her butt. "Neo. It's _Neo_."

Rey made a face, mocking my deep voice while pushing me along the isle. "Nuuur, it's Neo!" 

"Rey?"

Both of our heads snapped towards the voice. 

It was a young guy, wearing a brown leather jacket, dark eyes, dark skin. My hackles were up instantly - who was he? How does he know her? Was he a threat? I turned to look at Rey's face, that was stuck somewhere between shock and false happiness. Interesting... 

"Heyyyy, Finn?" Rey walked right into his tight bear hug, tapping his back awkwardly. I raised my eyebrow, forcing myself to take deep breaths. Kylo was silent. 

"It's been so long!" Finn picked Rey up and turned in a circle before setting her down. "How have you been?!" Our eyes meet. "And who is this fella?" He winked at me. 

Uh. Okaaaay?

"I've been... Uh... This is... Ben? My boyfriend?" Rey made everything a question as if it wasn't totally obvious that I was her man. 

_Hmph. Hey now..._

I smiled. Okay, fine. **Her** men. 

 

They talked for what felt like hours... I was holding all her shopping bags and sitting in the food court with them, all of us drinking smoothies. I felt like a dad taking my daughter out for a play date. Ugh. 

All I really got from them was that they'd been friends, but then they weren't. High school, graduation, prom... Blah, blah, blah. Seriously boring shit, until Finn brought up Hux. 

"So.... Whatever happened with all that? Where did he end up? Probably prison, right?" Finn chuckled and swirled his straw around his smoothie. 

Rey stared at her drink for a beat too long, her entire body tensing. 

"Uh, no. He was, ahhh... He was murdered." She nodded her head mechanically, tapping her finger against the table and bit her lip gently. 

"Oh. Oh holy shit... I'm so sorry, Rey. Shit, I'm such an idiot. I'm - when did it happen?" Finn reached out to take her hand, but instead she leaned into me and I wrapped my arm around her. 

Yeah, asshole.

"Not that long ago. Not even a month. It was bad." I said. I learned forward to whisper. "She doesn't like to talk about it."

Finn nodded grimly. "No, of course. Right. Like... Yeah, duh." He shook his head and smacked his hand against his temple. "I'm so frickin' sorry again, Rey."

"It's okay," I said as I patted Rey's arm. "But we've got to get going. It was nice meeting you, Finn." I shook his hand and dragged Rey away. She waved bye to him and nuzzled into my chest. Finn sat and watched us go, a weird look on his face. Kylo nor I cared for that shit at all. Nosey little weirdo. 

That was enough social interaction for awhile.


	15. Red Dress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV  
> date nighttttt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been updating this one like crazy I'm sorry y'all lol

Seeing Finn was too bizarre... 

He had just graduated, like I should have by now. He had a car, a job, a significant other, and had an apartment lined up. Just like I should have had by now. 

Instead, I was being held captive by a very handsome man with 'dual personality' as they called it. No car, no job, no friends, no high school diploma. And to top it all off, I was a drug addict. 

It was so embarrassing, so I just let him talk the whole time. 

Apparently he and Rose started dating soon after I moved in with Hux and quit going to school. I was really happy for them, I was, but I was also a little jealous... 

Why didn't he want to date me when we were friends? Why didn't he want me the way he wanted Rose Tico? It was so unfair. If he had wanted me when I had offered myself, I could have gone to prom and taken pictures with him at graduation, both of us smiling and kissing. 

Why wasn't I good enough for a normal relationship? 

Why did everyone use me and my body? 

At least Ben and Kylo never pushed me into anything physical... They seemed totally content just hanging around me and watching TV. Sure, there was about a ten year difference, and they were a lot smarter than me, but who cares? They treated me like royalty.... Even though they wouldn't let me out of their sight, unless to use the bathroom. 

Normal boyfriends are probably the same way behind closed doors. This must be what it really means to be adored. I didn't deserve it, but I'd greedily take what I could. Why not? I probably won't last the year anyways. I was a burden on them and even if they couldn't see it now, they would soon enough. 

That was when the punches to the face would take over to kisses to my cheek. 

That's just how it was. That's how it would always be. 

 

It was three days later and I couldn't stop thinking about Finn. 

It took all the fun out of the date I was trying to get ready for, Kylo shaving his face while I sat in the sink and tried to put on make up according to the YouTube video I was watching. It wasn't coming out right and I was seriously getting upset, on the verge of tears. 

Kylo turned me around and tucked my hair behind my ears. 

"Shh, shh, shh. Here, allow me."

He licked his thumb, erasing the stupid winged eyeliner I fucked up and had me close my eyes while he painted it on the right way. He bought me a lot of make up to fool around with, making sure the foundation was the right shade, and even matched a highlighter to my skin tone. His knowledge in make up was kind of weird... 

"How do you know about this stuff?" I murmured as he applied the mascara, making me look down and to the left. 

Kylo only smirked. "Used to do theater in high school, and applying make up to fellow players was my specialty. I suppose I just have a knack for it."

He even helped me line my lips the right way so I didn't go over and make my lips look funky. 

I realized there was a lot about the boys I didn't know, never bothered to ask. I just figured they didn't have much of a life that they wanted to talk about, but obviously that wasn't true. 

I stared into the mirror when he was done, moving my face around to catch the light and see the highlighter shimmer. I looked pretty for once, and it was weird to think that, because I never really wanted to see my reflection looking back at me, covered in bruises and scars. 

My eyes teared up and my lip trembled. Oh no. I was gonna fuck up the work he'd done... I started to fan my eyes like the girls did in the movies. 

Kylo stood behind me and rubbed my shoulders, shushing me again. 

"The mascara is waterproof, honey. No need to fret," He leaned closer to my ear and whispered: "You look very beautiful. You're a goddess, and goddesses don't cry at their reflections."

My blush was hidden under the make up, thank the Maker. 

Kylo kissed the top of my head and let me get dressed into the little black satin dress with pretty orange roses on it. It fit tight, hugging me in ways that made me look less sickly and more grown up. Wow. I was a woman. Whoda'thunk it? 

 

We took a taxi to a darkly lit restaurant, and the menu was in some language I didn't know. Kylo seemed to understand it just fine, explaining to me what dish was what. He ordered for me since I was too shy and the waiter brought him some dark liquor in a square glass. 

I'd begun to really notice the difference between them. Ben was more relaxed and laid back, full of jokes and movies, where Kylo was more... Refined? He liked art and fancy places. It was still so weird that they were two different people in one person's head. 

I was anxious being outside and away from home but Kylo was in a good mood. And boy did he look handsome in the charcoal grey button up and black pants. He had the sleeves rolled up, exposing his forearms and I saw for the first time that he had a tattoo. 

I inched my finger across the table like a worm and touched the ink. It looked like dog tags that military people wore. 

"What's this?"

Kylo glanced at my finger stroking his skin and then busied himself with taking a drink. 

"It's for someone I was rather close with. We were bunk buddies in the military, you could say." He was staring off behind my head, looking like he was light years away. 

Oh. Touchy subject, I guess... 

I retracted my finger and laid my hands in my lap, staring at my water. I shouldn't have brought that up. He was mad at me now. I ruined the whole night. That was so stupid of me. I was so stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I always ruined everything. 

"How did you meet Hux?" Kylo asked suddenly. 

My heart skipped a beat and I started to pick at my cuticles. 

"Oh. Uh. He used to slang at my high school. One thing lead to another and he let me move in with him because my foster dad was...." I brought my thumb to my mouth and chewed at the pulled skin, looking away. "He wasn't every nice."

Kylo and I made eye contact for a minute until the waiter came back with our food. It smelled good but now I was stuck thinking about Unkar and my stomach twisted into knots. 

"I'll have another," Kylo told the waiter. "And a Pinto Grigio for her."

The waiter looked to me and then back to him. 

"And does the lady have an ID?" He asked with a slight attitude. 

Oh geez. 

Kylo glared at the man. "Insinuating I would order alcohol for an underaged girl? Rey, honey, tell him your birthday."

I didn't miss a beat, having been using a fake birthday for years. "September 18th, 1997."

The waiter swallowed and shrugged awkwardly. "Ookay... A Pinto Grigio for the lady, and another Bourbon. Just a moment." And walked away. 

I raised my eyebrow at Kylo. "What the heck is a peenyo greegioh?"

Kylo smiled and rested his chin in his hand, the low lighting reflecting in his dark hazel eyes making him look strange, almost like there was no one behind his eyes. But that was silly... Ben was there with him. 

"Don't worry, you'll like it. Maybe it will loosen your lips and we can trade secrets."

My mind went blank. Secrets? 

He rolled his eyes and muttered. "Oh, shut up Ben."

My eyebrows furrowed and I leaned forward to whisper. "What did he say?"

Kylo smiled again and booped my nose. "Does it really matter what Ben thinks?"

"It matters what both of you think..." I muttered. 

"Ugh." He said as he leaned back and made a face. "Don't encourage him. You give him an inch and he runs cross country with it... I wouldn't give him anything if I were you; He's not too trust worthy."

The waiter set down our drinks at that moment and walked away. Kylo took a big drink from his tumbler and set to eating, cutting his food up very precisely before taking small bites. I watched him for a moment before gulping back my wine and tearing into my own food, making a mess while I tried to catch up to what he had said. 

 

Not too trust worthy? What the hell was that about?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seems like the boys are having a tug of war


	16. Moonlight Sonata

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV continued

Kylo ordered 3 more glasses for me and on top of that, I'd taken two Vicodins before dinner. To say that I was a little fucked up would be fair, but then he stopped the taxi to buy another bottle on our way home. 

Sheesh... He was really trying to get me trashed... 

He carried me up the stairs like a damsel and I definitely felt like one. My brain was swimming and I was laughing at everything. This was fun! Why didn't I get drunk more often? 

I poked and pulled at Kylo's face and he chuckled along with me, stumbling around in the hallway, trying to get his keys from his pocket. He kept muttering to Ben and I couldn't hear most of it, just slight words here and there. That was no fun... 

I wanted to be able to hang out with both of them. Why did they have to take turns? I rolled my eyes and puffed up my cheeks. So dumb.

Kylo finally got us inside and we nearly toppled over but he regained his balance and set me down on the couch. I looked up at him, nearly drooling at how handsome he was. Wow. He was like... A whole man. 

My eyes trailed up his body as he turned and went to unbutton his shirt and turned on some classical music on the Bluetooth speaker. There was a white tank underneath the button up to my utter disappointment. I wanted to see _allllll_ of him. His chest, his stomach... But then I was blind sided by his arms. 

They were _huge_. Mmmf. 

"You're so preeeetty..." I sighed while I full on oogled him, struggling to keep my chin on my fist, my head swaying back and forth a little. 

He smiled while he folded his shirt (because of course he did), and then took off the white undershirt.

_Oh..._

He looked like a perfectly sculpted model or God or something poetic. I didn't have the vocabulary to describe him.... 

He was just... _lovely..._ Yeah.

He sat down next to me on the couch, and after unashamedly staring, I finally kicked off my heels clumsily and sighed, stretching my toes out and setting my feet on the coffee table. Kylo wrapped his muscular arm around me and I fell into his bare chest like a sack of potatoes. He ran his fingers through my hair and I closed my eyes. 

He smelled so good, too. Mmm. 

I was nearly asleep when Kylo asked, "Tell me a secret."

I blinked my eyes open and looked up to him. He was staring back down at me, his dark eyes twinkling. 

"... A secret? I don't really have any of those." I lied. 

"Ahh, sure you do. Everyone does." He shifted around, making me sit up and face him. "Tell you what: we'll make it a game. Tell me two lies and a truth, and I'll guess which one is true. And they we'll do the same for me." He gave me a double thumbs up. 

I glanced out of the window, the city lights twinkling. I felt a little scared... I didn't want to play but he insisted so much as he got up and uncorked the wine with his back to me. I chewed on my lip, trying to think of something to say, running my fingers up and down my dress. 

Kylo sat back down and handed me the bottle. 

"Uhh... I had a cat named Shithead... I... I love country music and... I hate Eddie Murphy movies?"

Kylo pursed his lips while I took a big gulp from the bottle and winced. Bleck. It tasted funny. 

"Hmm... Well, I know for a fact you hate country music, because you never ask to hear it. And you've never once complained about Eddie Murphy..." He paused before chuckling. "You really had a cat named Shithead?"

I shrugged lazily. "Yeah... My dad named him. He laughed a lot when I would say it." 

I yawned, and crossed my arms across my chest and closed my eyes. My body was tingling. "Your turn."

Kylo was quiet for a minute. I peeked at him and he was smiling while looking at his hand on his knee. He had actually had a few tattoos that I was too sleepy to figure out and a long scar that traveled up his chest to his neck. 

"Hmmm. Alright. Well, we were in the army, we once had a relationship with a man, and I've killed someone."

I opened my eyes fully to gawk at him. What the fuck kind of things to say was that? I racked my brain, trying to figure it out. The only one that wasn't ridiculous was clearly:

"I'm gonna say... The truth was you were in the army?"

Kylo grinned at me and nodded. 

"Yes, I was. But the other two are also true."

Uhh...? What? I rubbed my kind of sweaty forehead. 

"Oh... Uhm. A guy? You're gay?" My eyebrows knitted together and my heart felt heavy. Was that why he never wanted to kiss me like Ben? Oh... 

Kylo rolled his eyes. "I'm just not particular about whom I find attractive. I'm surprised that bothers you more than me having killed someone."

I bit my lip. "Well, if you're in the army, you kill bad guys, right? That's just what happens..."

"This person wasn't from our military days." He muttered. "Anyways, it's your turn again." Kylo said while he took the bottle from me and chugged for a moment. He wiped his mouth while he stared at me blankly, his chin resting in his palm. 

Had my breathing been this hard already? I felt so confused. My brain stuttered and paused over and over while we stared at each other, the seconds flying by. 

"Well?" He asked, handing me the bottle. I took another gulp and handed it back to him. Ugh. I didn't feel so light and silly anymore... More like heavy and awkward.

"Uhm... My favorite color is grey-" 

Kylo raised his hand and stopped me. 

"Too easy, I already know that's true. Come on... Don't you have any _real_ secrets to share? I showed you mine. It's only fair you show me yours." He winked and took another swig from the bottle and picked up his pack of cigarettes, pulling one out by his teeth and lighting it. Since when did he smoke inside? 

I fiddled my thumbs, nervous. He did tell me some secret stuff... Maybe I could just tell him. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It's okay, it's okay... 

"I used to... I used to be a prostitute. For Hux."

I peeked over at Kylo and his face was unreadable. Then a smile grew across his face slowly, and it was honestly a little scary. 

"And for that, I'll tell you another secret, but you have to promise you won't tell anyone." He lifted his pinky to me and I hesitatintly wrapped mine around his. 

He took a long pull from his cigarette and handed it to me. I took a puff and nearly hacked up a lung. In between my coughing fit, I could hear him mutter something like 'she deserves to know'. 

He took the cigarette back from me and rubbed my back a little, the classical music taking up the dead air between us. He chuckled again while I finished gasping for air. I got a head rush and the room started to feeling like it was spinning. Oh no... I inhaled deeply through my nose a couple of times to combat the twisting feeling in my gut. 

Kylo leaned forward, rubbing my shoulders, and whispered in my ear. 

"I killed Hux."

He said it like it was nothing, like it was something that didn't bother him at all.

The room started spinning faster and before I could even understand what he had said, the wine came back up and I leaned over and spewed whatever I'd had for dinner up onto the floor. 

I heaved and heaved. My arms were shaking trying to support myself. The words suddenly clicked into place as I wiped my mouth, trembling like crazy. 

He... _What?!_

The tears poured down my face as I stared at my vomit-mess. My lungs shriveled and I couldn't breathe. The room kept spinning and I couldn't keep up with any of it. 

_I killed Hux._

The words kept replaying in my head but there was no denial in my brain, just shock and anger at myself. 

Why didn't I see this before? I _knew_ it was weird that they wanted me here, that Hux hadn't come back to claim me. Hux would never have left me here for so long. A part of me had known it was true, buried deep down. How else would he have known that Hux had died before me? Why else would they have sensored my phone? Why else would they have kept me chained to a bed with out any outside connection? 

How fucking stupid could I have been to never question the insanity of this all? 

Stupid! Stupid fucking me! So, so, so unbelievably stupid of me! I deserved everything that had happened to me, because I was too stupid and blinded by kindness... Stupid, pathetic Rey. I had been better off with Hux all along. 

I sobbed and sobbed, too weak to fight Kylo's hands pulling me up into his arms. Too weak to push him away while he wiped my mouth out with a wet napkin. Too weak to run. Too weak to get away. Too weak to stop him from tying the turnequet around my arm, pushing the needle into my vein and pushing the plunger down. 

And then I was too high to care. 

Kylo stroked my hair while my eyes rolled back into my head and the feeling of euphoria dancing it's way throughout my body took over me. 

"Ben didn't want you to know, but I thought it only fair, since he dragged me into this mess in the first place. I did what I had to do, for him." Kylo whispered into my ear. "And if Ben wants to keep you here as a prisoner, then a prisoner he will have."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh Kylo, you little shit starter youuuu
> 
> and like, of course he folds his shirts and says whom 🙄


	17. Terrorist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short Ben POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's my manz birthday but I thought I'd get a quick chapter out before I was dumb drunk followed by dead with a hangover
> 
> ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

Fucking... Fucking _unbelievable!_

This motherfucker played my poor Rey like a fiddle and _of course_ her sweet, sweet heart fell for it. Of course she did, she's so trusting, so innocent... Even after all the terrible things that have happened to her, she's still so trusting. 

And Kylo had taken advantage of her. And drugged her. And told her something she _didn't. Need. To. Know._

Argh! Asshole! 

I was stewing in the passenger seat of my brain, watching him pick up my Rey and take her to the bedroom. I couldn't hear any of his thoughts at all, and that was concerning. I didn't think he would _do_ anything to like... Like _hurt_ her. 

Kylo wasn't capable of that... Right? 

I watched tensely while he set her down carefully, stroking her hair from her sweaty forehead with soft and slow movements. He caressed her face with almost admiration. No... He wasn't going to do anything to hurt her. He was -

But then Kylo's hands were ripping open Rey's pretty dress right down the middle, exposing her small tits and flat tummy. 

Alarms were firing off like sinking ship, and I was trying every thing I could to smash the brakes and stop him from touching her anymore than he already had but nothing was working. Even I could feel his pleasure from seeing her like this, unconscious and naked. 

_A plaything._

I was fucking _furious._

No! How could he?!

The effort to take back control was exhausting me and getting me nowhere but I couldn't stop trying.

I couldn't watch Kylo tear the dress open further to her black panties and I definitely couldn't watch as he tore them off of her as well. I still couldn't watch as he spit on his hand and rubbed our - no, _MY_ \- cock before slowly sliding into her. 

I couldn't watch, but the feelings were still... Maker, help me... It all felt _so good_. God I was a fucking monster but I couldn't control anything. I was just a helpless passenger to all of this. This wasn't my fault. This wasn't me doing this. 

This just isn't how I imagined our first time... 

I was nearly crying and ripping my hair out when Kylo finally spoke to me, all the way to the hilt with _my cock_ , as he fucked _my girl_ , in _my body_ , against my will _and_ hers. This was so fucked up. Even though I'd imagined this before, I would never have... _acted_ on it! 

"Oh, don't lie." Kylo whispered to me. "You could have if you would have just listened to me. But you couldn't follow orders, so we're going to do it my way."

Kylo set an even pace, in and out of Rey, and I cried. 

"Oh, buck up, you child," Kylo said as he painted. "She could use a proper fucking. You're not..." He groaned. "Capable of it. Can't kill, can't fuck." He laughed softly. "What kind of a man even are you?"

I sat back and watched him continue to assault her, all alone and pitiful while I cried into my metaphorical hands. 

This was all my fault... I should have listened. 

He was right. I wasn't a man. Only half. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooof how sad... Alexa play "Jesus Is the One (I Got Depression)" by Zack Fox


	18. Under the Bridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV
> 
> TW: memories of child abuse, molestation and rape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was intending on making this fluffy/twisted but everyone kept saying they had a bad feeling that something bad was going to happen and... well, Hera abides.

Everything from last night was a blur. 

Only little snippets came through while I drifted in and out of consciousness. I felt so groggy. I kept fighting to stay awake but plunged back into sleep over and over. I don't know how long I laid there but slowly things started to come into focus. The first thing I noticed was the ache between my thighs. I felt sore all over, but especially in my... vagina... It wasn't an unfamiliar feeling, but it still made me very nervous. 

Did I had sex with Kylo..? I mean, I obviously _did_ \- but why? Kylo wasn't a very physical person, so it didn't really make any sense... Was it Ben? Ahh, I wished I could remember... 

That's when I noticed was that I couldn't move any of my limbs. 

Oh no. 

Had I lost my rights again? Did I piss him off? I thought I was doing so well at earning their trust back... I opened my eyes, but I couldn't see anything; there was a blindfold over them. Tears began to fall while I laid there. 

_Shit._

What did I do to make them so mad? I was so stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid, _stupid!_ All I ever did was disappoint everyone... This is why Hux was so rough on me. This is was Unkar hurt me. This was probably why my dad died... 

I started to sob. I just missed my dad so much. He was the only person who ever loved me, never hurt me. He even had my mom arrested when he found out that she was hurting me... In more ways than one. 

My stomach churned painfully as I remembered my mom's abuse. I opened the floodgate. No turning back. 

She molested me and beat me and I don't know why. I would never know why. Dad said she was sick in the head, and it wasn't my fault. But I had always felt guilty about it. I was young, but not so young that I couldn't remember almost everything. 

Not so young that I could just happily pretend it didn't happen. 

I even remembered the doctors saying that what she had done to me meant I wasn't going to be able to have my own kids one day. My dad had cried and held me, apologizing over and over again in the car after the doctor. I didn't like seeing my dad cry, making me cry just as hard. 

My mom was sent to prison for ten plus years, sent somewhere in the south. Dad tore up her letters and would drink a lot every night, passing out on the couch. I would have to get myself ready for school and catch the bus. We lived off of his disability checks and welfare, but he always made sure I was fed and had decent clothes. 

My dad was a good man. But his liver wasn't as strong as I wished it was and he died a few years later. 

There was a few different homes I went through, some really nice but when I ended up with Unkar... It wasn't very nice. His house was grungy and ugly. He also liked to drink, but instead of being silly or sad like dad, he got angry at me for everything. He told me a bunch of times that he got why my mother had molested me and penetrated me with bad things: because I was a stupid, stupid little girl who couldn't do shit the right way. 

Maybe I was always looking for my father in other men, looking for the same kindness and compassion. But there was never anything like that out there for me. Even Ben and Kylo got mad at me, and now I was blindfolded and strapped to the bed, _again_ because I was just a fuck up. 

Nothing more, nothing less. 

I sobbed and sobbed, tears and snot running down my face. The only other noise in the room was classical music, and the sounds of the city outside. 

Suddenly I heard the door open, and someone _tsk, tsk, tsk-ing_ me. There was a cloth wiping my nose, fingers wiping my tears. My bottom lip trembled uncontrollably as I tried to stop crying. 

"Now, now. No tears, Rey." 

It was Kylo. 

"What... What happened? What did I do to be here again? I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." I squeaked. 

Kylo sighed and I heard him sit down in the chair next to the bed. 

"I guess you wouldn't really remember... What _do_ you remember from the other night?" It sounded like he was smiling. 

The other night..? I'd been here longer than just a little while? My throat ached and burned. That's not good. 

"Uhm... Drinking at the restaurant... Drinking more when we got back...? You taking your shirt off..." I felt blush creep up my cheeks. "That's... That's really... Really it." 

Kylo chuckled. "Oh, _honey..._ " He sighed. "Well, I guess we're going to have to go over _this_ tid-bit of information yet again, aren't we?" I heard him shift in the chair and all of a sudden, he was whispering in my ear. "We had a fun little back and forth of truths and lies. And against Ben's _insistent_ cries, I told you something that just _reallyyy_ upset you... You really... don't remember?" 

I tried my hardest to remember what we talked about... Maybe... Maybe something about... A boyfriend they had? Yeah - yeah, but there was something else... Something that reall - 

_I killed Hux._

My heart stopped before kicking into overdrive. My throat seized and I couldn't breathe. 

Was that true? Was it really true, or was he trying to play a cruel joke? Was Kylo just fucking with me? I squeezed my eyes shut. 

No... No, he meant it. _Yeah, it's time I got the fuck out of here..._

I started yanking uselessly against my straps, only hurting myself further and making the ropes draw tighter and making my hands and feet feel like they were purple and throbbing. But I couldn't stop yanking, trying to free myself from this room, this apartment, this fucking crazy man. 

"Stop! Knock it off, Rey! Don't be so _dramatic!_ " Kylo hissed while he struggled to grab my arms, which he soon did, too tightly. "You didn't want to be there anymore than an ant wants to be under a magnifying glass in the hot sun. You wanted out, Ben wanted you - I did what I had to do!" Kylo let go of my arms before snatching my hair at the roots. I clenched my teeth, knowing better than to cry. "Pathetic little Ben couldn't bring himself to do it, so I stabbed your little Huxley and smashed his head in with my foot. We did you a fucking favor! We brought you home to safety and security! And now you're going to shed tears for that... That _cockroach?!_ You fucking insult me." He spat. 

I was gasping for air, terrified beyond words. They stole me from my home. They killed my boyfriend. I was a prisoner and no body knew where I was. But Finn knew. Finn could find me. He wouldn't let me just disappear like everyone else. I latched my heart onto that thought and tried to bring my panic back down, so I didn't make Kylo anymore angry. 

Was Ben okay with this happening? Was Ben on Kylo's side? Ben had never been rough or mean to me... Kylo was always cold even when he tried to be sweet. 

Did Kylo hate me? 

"I'm... I'm s-s-sorry! I'm j-just confused-d-d, and sc-scared... W-why did Ben kidn- take me?" I stuttered out. Change the subject. That always worked on Hux. 

Kylo scoffed, letting go of my hair and went to fix my straps, easing the blood flow back into my limbs. Much better. I whispered a thank you. 

"He just _saw_ you on the street. Love at first sight or something. He wanted you - so we did what we had to do to achieve you, like a constellation prize." 

He sounded disgusted. But it weirdly flattered me... Ben loved me? I bit my lip to hide the smile that threatened to break across my face. Someone actually loved me? Oh my god... 

I heard Kylo lean back in his chair. 

"You know... I'll be honest. I didn't see anything but a sad, dirty, abused little addict. I haven't been able to move on from my own heart break. But _Ben_ so easily just _forgot_ Poe. Left him and his memory in the dust for _you_." He spoke from tight lips. "Poe was a brave, smart, sympathetic, and beautiful man. He changed our lives. _He understood us._ He never judged us. And he died, _saving_ us. But what have _you_ done? Nothing but cause Ben to turn into an absolute mad man!" 

Kylo huffed and puffed, absolutely pissed. 

I had nothing to say. What could I say? I kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to upset Kylo anymore, scared of what he would do... But something entered my mind. 

So the sex _did_ happen... When Kylo was mad at me? He... He raped me... Right? 

Fuck. Great. I was in a no better place than I had been with Hux. 

But Ben cared for me... He wouldn't let Kylo get any worse towards me. 

Right? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y i k e s


	19. Nocturne no. 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys... for fuck sake... you gotta tell me if I mess up with the italics... I go back to reread the chapter and it's a fuggin MESS bc my dumb ass posts without preview so yeah, tell me if it's all mucked up, plz lmao

Having Rey tied up again was just fantastic, and all over just easier. Although... Ben's insistent whining was starting to really grate my fucking nerves. 

I'd never understand Ben. 

He sees a girl, and he's instantly smitten. But instead of being a normal human being and just _talking_ to her, he drags me into this bullshit. And then fucking _cries_ when I treat her how a prisoner _should_ be treated. Childish. 

I would roll my eyes into my brain and get a good look at this pitiful bullshit of his if I only could. 

_Kylo, this is beyond fucked up! You know this isn't right. Why did you tell her about Hux? We could have just had her stay here with us forever, but now -_

"Yes, but now... She can't be turned loose, or else she'll tattle tale us on us to the police. And we both know that just isn't an option, now is it Ben?" I smirked while I made our little hostage some oatmeal. 

_You made that decision without me!_

I burst out laughing. The **audacity.**

"You've made far too many decisions without me, Benny Boy. I'm tired of taking a back seat, only becoming useful to you when you needed help." 

I washed off a few blueberries and began chopping them into teeny tiny pieces. I pretended to pout. 

"Awww, what's wrong? You don't like being passenger?" I poured the blueberries into the oatmeal. 

"Tough titty said the kitty when the milk went dry."

Ben became belligerent, screaming and cursing at me. 

I rolled my eyes and sighed. He'd learn his lesson soon enough, and he would never question me ever again. As long as I kept myself awake, Ben had no power. I drank coffee instead of water the last two days and although my hands shook a bit, I felt alert. 

I took the warm bowl to the room, quietly closing the door behind me. Rey was silent, but she perked up at my presence. The sad, pathetic thing. She and Ben were truly made for one another. Disgusting. 

"Hello, Rey. How are you feeling good today?" 

She shrugged lightly. 

"M'okay."

She was still a little high from her push off a few hours ago, and she was always so sloppy when she was. It was definitely a turn off when she was under the influence. I couldn't stand junkies, but I wasn't feeling particularly mean spirited enough to deal with her coming off heroin today. Maybe tomorrow... 

"I have an appointment within the hour. I've made you some oatmeal with blueberries and cinnamon. I hope you like it." 

Truth be told, I didn't care much if she did. 

I fed her quickly, but efficiently enough to not make a mess. Then I let her use the restroom, tying her back up properly, testing about three times that she wasn't going anywhere and finally got myself dressed. I locked the door and hailed a taxi, checking my watch every few minutes to make sure I was to be 15 minutes early. Ben always made us late and I couldn't stand the idea of not being punctual. There was never a reason by my own means to ever be late somewhere. It was just rude. 

 

Dr. Snoke had been a long time family friend of the Solo's and although he wasn't a great psychologist by my own standards, he was a good listener. He also really stuck to the doctor/patient confidentiality flawlessly. He was the first, and until recently, only person we had opened up to about Poe. 

Trust was essential. 

I shook his old, thin skinned hand and took a seat across from him on the couch. 

"Ah, Kylo. It's been a while since we've last spoke. How are you?"

I smiled and shook my head before placing it in my palm. 

"Oh, you wouldn't _believe_ the shenanigans Ben has gotten me into now."

Snoke grinned with his ugly, yellow teeth and gestured to me. "Please, do tell."

"Well... You know how Ben is just... So impulsive." Snoke nodded sympathetically. Of course he knew. "Well. He and I murdered a drug dealer and kidnapped his little dope fiend girlfriend." I rolled my eyes. "She's currently strapped down to our bed, as a matter of fact."

"Oh dear. That doesn't really come as a shock to me, knowing Ben." Snoke shook his head and chuckled. "Always trying to gain some sort of love from anyone."

"I know. But he's upset because I told her what we did, so now we can't let her leave."

"Ahh... Well, these things can be sticky, but... There are ways to get rid of messy happenings."

I nodded. "Oh, I have plans for when I grow bored of fucking her unconscious body and playing with her emotions."

Snoke leaned forward, his eyes sparkling. "Is that so?"

"Mmm. Overdose her and toss her out into the street. If the heroin doesn't total her, the weather will."

 _What the FUCK KY -_ Ben roared in my head, but tuning him out was an easy reflex.

Snoke chuckled again, excited. Sadistic equals, we were. 

"You wouldn't happen to... Have any photographs of her?" He licked his thin, pale lips. 

I smirked. "Of course."

All the while, Ben continued screaming in my head. He seemed particularly furious about Snoke seeing Rey, spread out and naked for our eyes. I ignored him the best I could while Snoke flipped through the gallery I had. I knew he would appreciate it. 

_You're both fucking disgusting, Kylo! I hope that creepy mother fucker dies a horrible fucking death. I hope me and you die, too. Whatever it takes to get her away from you, you fuckin MONSTER!_

I scowled. "You and I, Ben. Jesus."

Snoke looked up from my phone. "Ah, and what does Ben have to say?"

"He hopes we die. He's being dramatic, as always." I flicked my hand about nonchalantly. 

Snoke stroked his chin for a moment and narrowed his eyes. 

"Ben will never come to terms about himself. He will always be a child, hiding behind a mask."

Suddenly my head was throbbing, and I lurched forward and grabbed my head. Jesus! 

_Not much longer now, Kylo. And when I get out of here, I'm going to fucking kill you, and myself if I have to. Rey will NEVER be hurt, again!_

I grit my teeth, breathing hard through my nose. 

"You'll have to get out first, you pathetic little worm." I growled, straining from the blistering pain in my skull. 

_You underestimate my will. It's gonna be your downfall._


	20. Who Do You Think You Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV

Kylo hadn't let me up except to use the bathroom and my body felt disgusting without showering. He kept me so high I couldn't do anything but lay in bed with my eyes rolled into my head and my mouth hanging open. 

He had raped me mostly when I was nodded out but but I could always feel everything when I'd sober up enough to open my eyes. To my personal horror, he'd been cumming inside of me, too. That didn't scare me because I feared I'd get pregnant - I knew that wasn't a possibility. 

But he didn't know that. Did he not care if he got me pregnant? Why would he do that? 

It made me feel used more than anytime Hux had assaulted me... At least he had the courtesy to not fill me up with cum like I was some dirty sock or fleshlight. It made me sick to my stomach. 

To my surprise, he had fallen asleep in his chair next to the bed. I tried to silently free my self but I couldn't get any leeway. I was trapped and no body knew where I was. Nobody was going to come and save me. I was trapped here forever, until Kylo killed me either intentionally or I starved to death by his neglect. 

I started to cry again for what felt like the zillionth time when suddenly Kylo woke up. I froze in fear that he would hurt me or something but instead he yawned and stretched out, popping all the joints in his arms, legs and back. He smacked his lips together and scratched his head. 

His sleepy eyes fell on me and I swallowed in terror. 

Please don't hurt me again. Please, please, please -

Kylo yawned again and smiled at me. 

"Well, hello there, Rey. Did you miss me?" He whispered playfully smiling at me. 

I blanched for a second before I called out to him. 

"Ben!" I started crying again, wriggling around in my straps, wanting to jump on him and kiss him all over his beautiful face. 

Ben leaned forward and pet my hair softly. 

"Hi, love. Wanna get out of these restraints?"

I nodded enthusiastically as tears fell down my cheeks. "Yes! God, please, yes!"

Ben chuckled and set to freeing me. I lunged clumsily towards him like a dumb ass and wrapped my arms around him. He shushed me over and over as I bawled into his neck and stroked my hair. I eventually climbed into his lap and nuzzled into his chest. 

Ben was safe. I knew he wasn't a monster like Kylo. After Kylo had told me that Ben had fallen in love with me at first sight, I knew he didn't want to do me any harm. I could trust him. He could let me go... Let me be free. 

Ben picked me up and took me to the bathroom, setting me down carefully and turning on the faucet and plugging the drain. I stood there on shaky legs as he drew me a bath, pouring soaps and body wash, making the water bubble. He turned to me and stood up, taking my clothes off gently and taking my hand to help me into the steaming warm water. 

I wanted to scrub my skin off and burn away all of the bad things Kylo had done to me, but Ben instead just helped me wash my body, taking his time. He even washed my hair for me, carefully lathering my scalp and smiling sweetly to me. I closed my eyes and let him pamper me. 

I wasn't worthy of his affection and gentle hands but I was so needy for him being nice to me that I greedily soaked it up. I'd take all I could get. 

Ben didn't speak much, and his hands didn't wander anywhere. He left me to finish up my more personal cleaning and came back a few minutes later with a soft towel. He helped me stand up and dried me off while I clung to his big, strong shoulders.

He'd brought some of his basketball shorts and a giant tee shirt and hoodie for me to wear and picked me up again to carry me into the living room. He sat me in his lap and held me close, breathing quietly while I snuggled up him. I pulled the couch blanket over us and sighed. He was clicking around on his phone for a few minutes. 

It didn't make much sense to me how I could fell so safe and happy in the same arms that been assaulting me only a few hours ago, the hands that had murdered my boyfriend, so I decided to just not think about it. The same hands, but a different person had done those things. 

It was quiet for awhile and I nearly fell asleep in his lap when he suddenly whispered in my ear. 

"I'm so sorry, Rey... I really, really am."

Opened my sleepy eyes a little and shrugged a small shrug. 

"It's okay, Ben. It wasn't you."

He shook his head. "No, it wasn't me. But he used my body to hurt you... I screamed against it the entire time. I couldn't do anything to stop him the entire time. It was fucking horrible... I thought I would never have control again. But I've taken my medication and we shouldn't be hearing from him again for a long time, okay?"

I didn't say anything, just nodded. It made me feel so much better knowing he didn't want to hurt me. That's all that mattered. 

"I'm going to take care of you, my love. I'm going to get you healthy and strong again. You'll never be stuck in that bed again, okay? I promise." He squeezed me tightly in a bear hug and and it took my breath away. 

He kissed the top of my head. 

"What would you like to eat? I'll get you anything you want. Anything in the whole world. You name it."

I shrugged and looked down. "Whatever you want, Ben."

"No, no. It's what -" He tapped the tip of my nose. "- _you_ want. Anything."

I bit my lip. 

"Uhm... Spaghetti?" I asked meekly.

Ben chuckled. "Of course." He pulled his phone back out from his joggers pocket and started tapping away. 

I snuggled more into him and smiled. 

Everything was gonna be okay. I was safe again. 

 

We ate on the couch and watched Spaceballs. I even laughed a few times, even though I didn't get a lot of the jokes. Ben was surprised, and even a little offended, that I had never watched any of the Star Wars movies so he told me we would have to watch them later. 

I had never felt so happy to be cuddled up with him. We smoked some weed and watched the Office. We laughed a lot and I laughed like crazy when he started to tickle me. I snorted and cackled like a witch when suddenly he was only an inch from my face. My heart thundered. I looked into his glazed over warm, brown eyes for a minute before I pulled his face to mine and kissed him on the lips. 

He paused for only a second before kissing me back. There was a kind of rushed and desperate electricity in the air as we kissed each other, and I even found myself making soft little moans as we rubbed our bodies together, the friction feeling so much better than it ever had before with anyone else. 

Ben groaned when I snaked my hand between us and lightly grabbed his very hard cock in my hand. It felt so big, and I was so turned on I even bit his bottom lip a little. It was so out of character for me to take any kind of charge in sexual situations. I wasn't even really thinking very much anymore. 

I pulled his joggers down and his cock sprang free, fully erect and I stroked it up and down and he kept moaning and panting against my lips. The sounds he was making made my stomach do excited flips and soon I was taking off the basketball shorts and trying to shove his cock inside me, rubbing it against my dripping wet slit when he pulled away from me. 

My brain instantly set of the panic alarms and I froze. He didn't want me. He didn't like me. He was repulsed by me, he didn't find me attractive enough, he -

He looked at me confused for a minute before he smiled. 

"No, no baby. You're okay. Let me do you a favor."

He kissed me again, then trailed his kisses down my jaw and to my throat. He pulled the sweater and tee shirt off me, leaving me completely naked again. I should have felt embarrassed or scared, but I was finally excited to have so I didn't really care. I just wanted him to keep touching me...

He kissed down my throat, his hands gripping my small tits and then he started licking and sucking on my nipples. 

_Oh!_

I moaned and laced my fingers into his black and shaggy hair, pulling him even closer. I'd never had anyone do _that_ before and it felt so fucking good. I moaned like crazy and kept rubbing my soaked pussy against his cock, getting lost in all the delicious sensations. 

He pulled his head away from my nipple with a wet little _pop_ and I whined at him. Don't stop... Ben just chuckled and looked me with his glassy, red rimmed eyes as he continued to kiss down my tummy to my -

_Oh! Oh!!_

I tossed my head back as Ben kissed and licked at my clit softly and I moaned so loud that I covered my mouth. Ben grabbed my hand and pulled it away, setting it back on his head so I laced my fingers into his hair again. Okay. Okay. Oookay... This was good. He made me give it a little tug and he groaned, looking up at me as he continued to lick and suck my clit. It felt so good, too good, and I was panting and tugging a little harder and harder at his hair as he kept up his good work. 

I'd never had anyone do this to me before and being stoned on top of it had me feeling overtly sensitive. Ridiculously sensitive.

Soon I was starting to feel hot all over and a strange feeling between my legs that ached and had me panting more and more until suddenly the tension snapped and I moaned louder than before. My whole body quaked and shook and I gasped and pulled harder on Ben's hair. He never took his eyes off of me while I unashamedly grinded my pussy against his face and my eyes rolled back. 

"Oh, oh my god!" I cried out weakly. 

What the fuck..?! Did I just have an orgasm? Or something? It was almost like being high on smack... Definitely had some addictive possibilities. Oh _shit._

Ben pulled away with a huge grin on his face when I finally opened my eyes again. My body was lightly twitching as I came down from one of the best highs I'd ever felt. 

"Now that you're nice and ready..." He whispered. 

He pulled off his sweater and leaned over me, supporting himself with one arm next to my head as he aligned his cock up with my spit and cum drenched cunt, slowly pushing in. 

I moaned as he eased in and I wrapped my legs around his hips as he set a slow and even pace. His head fell against my shoulder and he groaned that lovely groan of his. We moved in tandem together, panting and sighing. I'd never had sex that felt so good - felt so right. Maybe those girls in pron weren't faking it...

Ben kissed me again and whispered against my lips. 

"Fuck... Fuck, I love you, Rey. Fuck, I'm so in love you. You're so fucking perfect, so fucking beautiful." He kissed me again before I could even process what he had said. 

My heart pattered like crazy and my brain swam in confused bliss. I answered without thinking. 

"I love you, too, Ben. Oh my god, I love you."

Ben lifted my thighs up to my chest and picked up the pace, making me cry out. Fuck, it felt so _good_. I think I was gonna cum again. Why didn't I know sex could be so fucking good? 

Ben was panting wildly in between kisses on my neck, gripping my thighs tightly but not enough to actually hurt me. 

"I fucking... Love... You..."

I smiled as our bodies grooved together perfectly, wiping my tears away. Is this real? Am I dreaming? Please don't let me be dreaming. _Please._

He loved me. _Finally, someone loved me_. I knew right then I would do anything to feel this way. Forever, if I could. Whatever he wanted. Anything. 

Anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aweee see guys, I can be nice 🙃


	21. Limes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote this chapter bc I hated it before and I also noticed there were a shit ton of errors and typos  
> y'all gotta tell me, im a dingus hokay
> 
>  
> 
> TELL MEEEE

Everything was perfect. Rey was perfect, life was perfect. Everything. 

The voice inside my head was... Not so perfect. The repetitive threats and swears Kylo made day and night were... not perfect. 

But I was taking my medication. His voice got a little weaker here and there so that gave me a lot of hope. Maybe Rey and I would be able to live out this honeymoon phase forever... All of the sex, the cuddles, the lazy afternoons. 

I can make this last. I know I can. 

Rey's problems disappeared almost like they never even existed in the first place. I mean I was still having to shoot her up every night but I'd been giving her a little less everytime. Soon she'd be able to quit and then that problem would disappear, too. 

Perfect. 

I'd been planning us a little trip out of the city. It was a secret, so Rey didn't know yet but I knew she was going to be so excited. I just had something I needed to attend to before we went. Well... It was kind of the reason we were leaving town, to be honest... It was the smart thing to do. If the cops came looking for us, they'd see that we weren't even in town when it happened. 

Everything wrapped up in a perfect little bow. 

I packed all of our stuff the night before, while she was still asleep. I even packed the bathing suit I'd gotten on Amazon that luckily arrived two days before. It was so cute and frilly. Perfect for the pool and hot tub at the hotel. All the dudes were going to be looking at her, but she'd be tucked safely under my arm. 

Mine. Just like she should be.

She was ecstatic when I told her in the morning. She jumped all over me, kissing my face and and strangling me with her thin arms. I laughed and twirled her around, knocking over my bong. I maneuvered her over to my hip where she preferred to be, like a toddler, and got to cleaning up the nasty bong water out of my otherwise spotless carpet. Gotta keep this place spotless so I get my deposit back. Maybe we could get a house together next year when my lease was up...

I went around and made sure the stove was off, that no water was dripping, everything was unplugged so I didn't have any spikes in my electricity bill. Checked it all three times just to be sure. But everything was in order, so we got our luggage and met up with our Uber, Adrik, outside. Everything was smooth, perfect sailing. Just had a little pit stop on our way out...

I had Adrik drive us to my psychiatrist's office and had Rey stay in the car. I kissed her and whispered in her ear:

"I'll be right back, love. Just gotta do something real quick."

Rey smiled and laid back into her seat, happy and high.

"M'kay, Benny. I'll be here." She then leaned forward with droopy eyes, tapping the Uber driver on the shoulder. "Hey, have you ever seen The Golden Child, with Eddie Murphy?"

The Uber driver frowned. "Who is Eddie Murphy?" He asked in a thick Russian accent.

I shut the door just as Rey launched into her disbelief, pulling out her phone. I smiled and shook my head. She was so sweet, even though she didn't have much social skills. She was probably gonna talk that guys ear off. 

_Of course she will, the annoying twat..._

I disregarded Kylo's meek shit talking. It was so infrequent now that I didn't notice half the time, his voice blending back in with mine, like before. 

When I got into the office, it was empty and quiet. I checked my phone, and it was perfect time for his receptionist to be on lunch, just like I'd planned. Which meant Dr. Snoke would be in his office, having his own lunch. I grinned ear to ear when I heard him playing that stupid classical music Kylo liked so much. 

_Because you have no taste..._

"You have no fuckin' taste, you dumb bitch." I muttered. 

I tied my hair up in Kylo's staple bun and knocked twice before entering, slyly locking the door behind me. I straightened my posture and slipped right into character before I turned around. 

"Hello, Snoke. Schumann? Excellent choice."

Snoke looked up, pleasantly surprised. 

"Ah, Kylo! I'd been wondering about you - you haven't sent me any texts in the last week or so. I'd worried Ben had made his pitiful comeback." He rolled his eyes and smiled with his disgusting yellow teeth.

I nearly broke character, wanting to rip his creepy fucking hazy blue eyes out of his head. Instead I smirked and took a seat. Shouldn't take long, anyways. 

"Ah, no. He's locked away tight..." I tapped my temple with my middle finger. "Still with his insistent bitching and moaning about Rey and how _unfair_ this is. You know how he can be."

_Pitiful doesn't even begin to cover it..._

Snoke nodded slowly. "Mm. Yes. So, how is that sickly little dope fiend? Still tied to the bed?" He leaned across the desk. "I hope snoozing on the couch hasn't been too awful on your neck. I could rub it, if you'd like... Perhaps talk about your.... Feelings?" He said with a slow lick of his nearly nonexistent dry lips. 

I could have fucking spewed puke everywhere, revolted at just how nasty and perverted this old fuck was. Garbage. Fuck Kylo for allowing him to ever touch my body. Fuck him for manipulating me into those disgusting blowjobs to make us 'feel better' after Poe. 

_Fuck you for everything, actually._ I thought to him, struggling to not speak it aloud like I usually did.

I kept the smile tightly plastered to my face, though, and narrowed my eyes a little. "How about we talk about your feelings, instead?" 

Snoke raised an eyebrow. "My feelings? Now why would we do that, Kylo?"

I chuckled softly and stood up, smoothly pushing the chair further back behind me. "Kylo? Where would you get an idea like that?" I said as I took a step towards him. 

Snoke sat back in his chair, a perplexed look on his face. "Because... Because you are Kylo... Aren't you?"

I chuckled again. "Bold of you to assume." I reached into my pocket and flicked open my pocket knife, waving it slowly around. "And you know what they say about assumptions, don't you?"

Snoke's eyes widened as they darted between me and the knife I played with, rolling it in between my fingers. He began to stutter but I spoke over him. 

"They make an ass of you, _and_ me."

_RUN! RUN, SNOKE, RUN!_ Kylo roared.

I laughed loudly. "He can't hear you, Kylo, but I'm sure he appreciates the sentiment..."

Suddenly, I flew forward, climbing onto the desk, shoving shit out of my way and grabbed his left hand. He was old and weak, hardly able to even attempt pulling it back from my firm grasp. 

"B-Ben! N-no, no! Please!"

His thin lips trembled and his cloudy blue eyes sparkled with tears but I only barked a laugh and ripped his gnarled hand further from him. Snoke cried as he flew towards me but still tried to twist away from me. 

"But I think... They mostly make an ass of _you,_ you stupid fucking manipulative, _evil_ pervert!" 

I stabbed him in the inside of his arm, puncturing the artery and making the blood spurt out instantly. I jumped back and out of the way of the spraying blood, sure that the sight of it might concern Rey and sweet Adrik. I watched the blood with rapt attention and morbid curiosity... It kind of reminded me a broken sprinkler. 

**PUMP... PUMP... PUMP... PUMPPUMPPMUP... PUMP.. PUMP...**

_NOOO!_

Kylo roared louder than I'd ever heard him, making my head feel like a coconut being chopped in half. 

I let go of his hand and crawled backwards, back into my chair. He weakly cried, his other hand grabbing at his stab wound, blood gushing. He sniffled and sobbed, staring at me like I was insane. I stared back at him for a moment, collecting all the fear I could before speaking clearly between thin lips.

"Listen to me. And listen fucking _well_." I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it quickly. I stuffed the lighter into my pants pocket, blowing out a big puff of smoke. Snoke's forehead was covered in sweat.

"Rey is not some... Some..." My hands curled into claws and I shook them around, looking for the right words. "Some fucking _plaything_ for you and Kylo to masturbate to and laugh at!" 

I ground my teeth and took another hit, blowing it directly in Snoke's face, making him cough. "She is _mine_. The love of my life. And she's been through _enough_ without you and dickbag Kylo's insane fucking antics."

Snoke's eyes began to go in and out of focus as he huffed and puffed, blood gushing over his hand and pouring down onto the floor. He was sweating a lot. 

Shit. He was fading fast... I was running out of time, anyways. 

_Monster! Call the an ambulance!_ Kylo sobbed. 

I waved my hand in the air in annoyance at Kylo and leaned forward, grabbing Snoke by the collar of his shirt. He cried out pitifully and looked at me in horror, his mouth hanging agape. 

" _She is mine._ " I whispered, my teeth clenched together so hard I can't believe my teeth didn't shatter. 

I threw him back against his chair and he coughed harshly, hacking while he continued to die. I put my cigarette out on his desk and dropped the butt into my pocket as I stood up again. I picked up his phone from the desk and walked over to him, grabbing his non-bloody hand to unlock his phone. 

I scrolled through his texts, finding the chat between him and Kylo and deleted the chat, riding all incriminating evidence of Rey having been keep captive and more importantly, deleting all inappropriate pictures of Rey from the world permanently. I used a tissue from the box he kept on the corner for the more emotional clients and wiped my prints clean from his phone. 

I tossed it onto the desk and walked over to him, checking his pulse. There wasn't one. I grinned again as I checked myself over for any drops of blood - I was clean.

Kylo was screaming, much more vividly than he had been before. 

_YOU HAVE MADE A HUGE FUCKING MISTAKE, BENJAMIN SOLO. **HUGE**. JUST YOU WAIT... JUST YOU FUCKING WAIT! WHEN I'M BACK IN CONTROL, YOU'LL RUE THE DAY YOU WERE EVER FUCKING BORN!_

"Oh yeah? What are you gonna do? Call the police?" I laughed. My head was throbbing still but I felt like I'd blown up all my problems. 

The receptionist was still out, lucky me. I whistled while I closed the door behind me and went to walk through the waiting room when the pain in my head was vicious enough to make me fall to my knees and grab tufts of hair. I screamed out in pain and fell face first into the carpet and bit my lip hard enough to bleed a little. 

"FuuuuUCKKKKK!" I screamed, kicking my feet out and wrapping my arms around my head. 

The too-familiar feeling of losing control swept through me, disorienting me. I felt like I was being knocked around in the ocean, the waves whipping me up and down, all around. It was making me sick to my stomach, and suddenly it was like someone was dragging me backwards by my collar. 

Shit! No... Please, fuck, _no..._

The pain began to ebb but my panic was heightened to a level I didn't know it could be. I couldn't see anything, even though my eyes were open. My blood was pounding, the sound louder in my ears. I started to cry, like really cry, hard enough that it hurt as I gasped for air. 

My vision was black for I don't know how long but it came back slowly.

The only problem was I that I was back in the passenger seat again. The medication couldn't even keep him at bay. What would it take? What did this mean now? I broke down all over again. I was scared and I was silenced all over again. 

I was prisoner all over again. 

And Rey was in more danger than she could ever imagine.

I watched while Kylo got off the floor and fixed my clothes before walking out the door. I watched as he approached the Uber and took out the rubber band for the bun, ruffling my hair, and watched him slide in next to Rey, who was still chatting away with Adrik. 

She turned and smiled at Kylo, scootching herself closer to him. Kylo rest his arm around her and booped her nose. 

Rey giggled and swatted his hand away. "How was it? Everything go okay?"

Kylo shrugged and smiled, all teeth. "It was perfect."

It scared me how well Kylo could pretend to me, to have all of my nuances memorized, the words I used to speak. I was trapped inside of a mirror. I'd never felt so helpless in my entire life. 

Kylo chuckled and cracked his neck. He muttered to me. "Oh, boo hoo."

Rey was in the middle of chewing on a stick of gum, when she lifted her sunglasses to showcase a blank look on her face while she gazed forward. Kylo didn't seem to be aware of it like I was, but my Rey wasn't stupid. She knew something was off.

She watched Kylo from the corner of her eye before dropping her sunglasses back onto her nose and settling in for the drive ahead of us, playing a game on her phone. She crossed her leg over the other, knocking against Kylo. 

"Oh, I'm sorry, Benny."

"Not a problem, Rey."

Rey froze and bit her lip. Ha! Kylo fucked up. 

Rey, notice me, see me, save me, please. 

 

What's the opposite of perfect?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> send me some prompts on tumblr or bug me on twitter
> 
> tumblr: @boogerzomaley  
> Twitter: @burntbleach


	22. Tonight, Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so quick question... do any fellas read this garbage? Like I think it's literally all girls or what have you but I'm just curious. Idk.
> 
> also if you know any dude Reylo writers, link me their stories!

We got to the hotel around 6:30pm, and it was surprisingly nice and warm out. 

I stretched when I got out of the Uber and said bye to Adrik. He was a nice guy. He told me about his wife and four sons and how he wanted to take them to Disney World but the tickets were too expensive. I'd only been to Disneyland once when I was about 7, and my mom was still around. She just stayed in the smoking section the whole time while dad and I ran wild through the park. He bought me a Dole Whip and a teenager shirt of Mulan, my favorite princess. We ate churros and watched Fantasmic and he carried me to the trams when I fell asleep on his back. 

Fuck, I missed him...

Ben was unusually quiet, but I figured he was just tired. 

"I hope you get to go soon. You gotta get the little Mickey ears, okay? For the kiddos!" 

Adrik smiled and nodded. He got out to hug me and watched Ben walk around to the trunk to get our stuff when he motioned for me to come closer again. I frowned and leaned forward. 

"That man... Is he safe, you are sure?" He whispered. 

My eyebrows lowered and I pursed my lips as I glanced back at Ben. 

I shrugged. "He's a good guy. Just a little odd, I guess."

Adrik's lips formed a hard line and he nodded once. "If you insist. Ostavaysya v bezopasnosti, milaya devushka."

I titled my head to the side, unsure what he just said. I smiled anyways and waved as he drove off, still looking back at Ben. 

Huh. Weird. I shrugged it off and followed him into the office. 

Ben checked us in and we rode the elevator in silence. I tapped my foot to the elevator music, some old Black Eyed Peas song. Ben slowly put his arm around me, bringing me closer to him. I felt him sniff my hair and sigh. 

"Uh... Are you tired?" I whispered. 

"Mmm. Just biding my time, love."

I stared at the floor until the doors opened for our floor. Huh. He must be really tired. He just seemed... Off. Maybe talking to his psychiatrist upset him... Maybe they talked about Kylo being mean or something. 

We were walking down the long hallway when my phone dinged. 

I pulled it out of my purse, not even recognizing the notification sound. Oh. Snapchat... I'd forgotten all about it. I unlocked my phone to see I had a message from Finn. Oh... Cool. 

It was just a message that said: _hey reyrey... are u at the Corelien Hotel???, 😮😱_

My eyebrows shot up my forehead. How the fuck would he know that? 

_uhhh yea lol? how did u kno that ?_ I sent. 

The little bubbles popped up while he typed.

 _lol it shows ur location... said u were near by wa.nna meet up with me and rose at the pool??💦_

I bit my lip, contemplating, when suddenly Ben snatched my phone out of my hand. 

"Hey!" I protested. 

But Ben wasn't paying attention, instead typing away on my phone as we stood in front of our room. 

"Uh, excuse me... That's MY phone." I scowled and crossed my arms. 

Ben cracked a smile and handed it back to me. 

"I'm aware. We're having dinner with your friends. Let's get you dolled up."

He unlocked the door with the key card. A smile cracked across my face. Wow. 'Dinner with friends' sounded so grown up. I got my make up bag out before Ben even shut the door and raced to the bathroom to sit in the sink and apply my make up. 

I was listening to some popular song I'd heard in a tiktok about girl power or something when Ben came in and shook his head, laughing. I frowned at him through the mirror, his arms folded and leaning against the doorway. 

"... What?"

He sighed and pushed himself from the door. 

"You still haven't perfected the whole make up thing. That's fine, I stole a little talent from Kylo. Come here, let me help."

I sat crossed legged on the counter and watched him test out eyeshadows on his wrist. I felt uneasy for some reason but I couldn't put my finger on it. This was Ben but he was so... Distant. Cold, even. Something definitely had gone wrong with his doctor. 

"Ben?"

He didn't seem to hear me. 

I cleared my throat and tried again. "Ben? Are you okay?"

His eyes flickered up to me briefly before looking back down at whatever he was doing. 

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. Just a little out of it. The medication does that to me." He said. 

"Oh. I'm sorry. I wished you didn't have to take it if it makes you feel funky... But uhm, speaking of medicine... C-could we uhm, get me taken care of before dinner?" I absentmindedly scratched my arm while I stared at the clean tile floor. 

Suddenly Ben burst out laughing. My head tilted to the side as I stared at him. God he was acting weird. He couldn't... Be Kylo? 

No. No, he'd be _much_ weirder. It's the medication. 

At least, that's what I convinced myself while he applied my make up for me. He blotted my lipstick and picked out a dress, did my hair and shot me up. Everything was so clinical and concise, but it was just the medication. 

It had to be. Kylo couldn't come back while he took the meds. 

We walked down to grab a cab and Ben had a weird smile on his face the whole car ride, still so quiet. It made me feel still so uneasy while we walked into the restaurant, his arm around me. 

It felt like a stranger's arm. 

Ben promised Kylo couldn't come back. It had been two weeks with out him. And he promised. 

And Ben wouldn't lie. He couldn't.


	23. Coriolan Overture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo POV

I had to hand it to the girl... She wasn't as completely inept as I had originally thought. 

My game must have been off quite a bit for her to notice something, and that didn't sit too well with me. I was a great actor, better than Ben. I just had to pay a little more attention. 

I had made plans to have dinner with her friends only so our alibi was seared tightly. Ben being so _stupid_ and killing someone like that had put _my_ freedom in jeopardy - not to mention, I'd actually grown to truly care for Dr. Snoke... 

He was a good man, and even more importantly: excellent at keeping secrets. 

I had so loved being able to have someone to relate to... Someone who didn't judge my more... _Sadistic_ qualities. Unlike Ben. He didn't understand. But Snoke had. And now I was without a kindred spirit to lament to. Even the sex with him had been decent; an old decrepit man who could still take a cock like a 16 year old girl was nice to have around. 

Ben had taken him from me. 

But that was fine. He would soon pay for his transgressions against me. Little Rey had shown to be quite fun with fuck with, and I planned to really test her limits... 

I held her hand in the cab, rubbing light circles against her flesh. She was so soft and weak. I couldn't wait for dinner to be over. Patience was something I'd worked hard for, and the finish line was in sight. 

 

"You really haven't watched the new season? Oh man! It's so good!" Finn crowed with food in his mouth. 

Disgusting. I sipped my drink. 

Rey shrugged and sipped her cherry Sprite. "I'm getting around to it... We still haven't even watched the new Ted Bundy movie yet."

Rose gasped. "Oh! But it's _sooo_ good! Shit, could you imagine being married to a serial killer and not even know?" 

Rey glanced at me and laughed weakly. "I know, right? Scary..."

I almost couldn't keep the smile from my face. Yeah. Imagine that... 

They all chattered constantly through dinner, slowly beginning to grind my nerves. I had thought I was a patient man. But dinner with teenagers was a new test of strength I didn't think would have worn me down so much. 

Still, I kept the smile plastered to my face and nodded along to their annoying prattle. 

"So... Finn told me about Hux... I'm so sorry, Rey."

Rey nodded absently and patted her mouth delicately with her napkin, trying not to smudge my art work. I watched her from the corner of my eye. 

"It's okay... You know, I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later. He was in with a really bad crowd."

Rose nodded empathetically before switching quickly to a smile and pointed between us. "So, how did you two meet?"

Rey looked to me with a stressed but forced happy expression. I patted her shoulder and leaned in. "Oh, it just happened when we were passing by in the street, actually. She bumped into me while she was on her phone. I asked her out for coffee and we've been inseparable ever since."

I wrapped my arm around her and kissed her forehead. She smiled up at me, a thankful look in her eyes. I tapped her nose with my finger and grinned. 

Meh, close enough. 

Rose sighed and touched Poe's arm. "Wow, that's so romantic..."

I turned to her. "And you two?"

Rose launched into a story about misunderstandings and I tuned her out, deciding to look at Rey instead. She did look quite wonderful with the right lighting and apparel, I guess. I got lost in the sweet memories of fucking her unconscious body, my chin resting my palm as I sipped my Bourbon. 

Huh.

Perhaps she wasn't _quite_ so bad, given the right setting... I found myself listening to her, something weird stirring around in my head. I watched her laugh and listen so sweetly to her friends and my eye twitched. 

I felt jealous. Of what, I wasn't sure. 

At least Ben was oddly quiet all night, thank the Maker. 

 

My phone began to ring sometime during dessert and I excused myself to take the call. 

"Ben?" 

"Hey, mom." Oh, she sounded upset. 

"Oh, Ben! Oh my god. Did you hear the news...?"

She was crying, probably drunk and popping her pills as usual. Our mother was usually some sort of fucked up, the usual style of an older, bored and rich white woman. 

I slipped into character. 

"No, I haven't... What's happened?" I asked with mock concern. 

"It's... It's Snoke, honey. He's dead! Some wack job came in earlier today and stabbed him! Oh it's so fucking awful!" She sobbed. 

"Oh... Oh my god... That's terrible..." I was layered on my sad acting extra thick, but it wasn't all really fake - the memory of watching helplessly as yet another person I cared about was ripped away from me washed through me and I ground my teeth. 

And once again, it was Ben's fault. 

"I just can't stop thinking about how that lunatic could have showed up while you were there and I... I..."

Our mom cried and cried until I heard our dad hushing her. 

"Mom? Mom, I'll call you tomorrow, I'm out at dinner. But please, tell me as soon as you find out when the funeral is. Please."

She sobbed more and promised she would. She told me over and over that she loved Ben - as she never really knew me very well in the first place. 

When I returned to the table, Rey turned and whispered in my ear. 

"Is everything okay?"

I nodded and took a few big, burning gulps of my drink and muttered, "Yeah. Just my mom. Almost ready to head back? I'm tired..." I placed my hand on her thigh and squeezed lightly, my pinky finger inching slowly up into her short, tight dress. 

Her cheeks flushed pink and she nodded, biting her lip. 

I smiled as she turned to excuse us, and I couldn't help but admire that sweet little bit of innocence she had to her, even after being a whore for her drug dealer ex-boyfriend. Fascinating how that happened. 

I shook Finn's hand, ignoring the weird look on his face. I was too busy watching how she hugged him goodbye, feeling almost uncomfortable with the knowledge that he probably knew more about her than I did. 

I oddly found myself hoping she could hold on to the sweetness somehow, even when I was done with her. Stranger still, I even found my desire to hurt her melt a little bit away to maybe even wanting to learn more about her. Wait.. What the hell? I shook my head, feeling a little dizzy. Maybe from my three drinks... That wasn't how I usually felt about anyone... 

Not since Poe. 

I helped her into the cab and walked slowly to my side. I paused at the door, my hand hovering an inch from the handle. My eyebrows knitted together and I sucked in an almost rattling breath. 

No. This girl wasn't anything special. Don't forget that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo you big cornball


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV

Ben was quiet during dinner for the most part, and he left to take a phone call. I could barely see him, but his face was blank during the phone call. Something was seriously off about him, but I couldn't really put my finger on it. 

His Devil-may-care attitude was gone, replaced with a forced mask of a smile that felt hallow inside. 

He couldn't be... Kylo. I couldn't believe that. The last time I had been around him, he wasn't nice to me at all. In fact, I was kind of sure he actually hated my fucking guts. I didn't know why, but men seemed to hate me all the time. I swallowed back my sadness and tried to shake my head clear like an EtchaStetch. 

Gotta stop thinking about stuff like that. It wasn't doing me any favors.

I felt a little tense on the cab ride home, Ben's hand felt heavy and awkward and he stared out the window with the same blank expression. I chewed on my sloppily painted nails, a dark grey color that I really liked. I had tried painting them on the long drive in the Uber but I wasn't very good at it. I narrowed my eyes as I examined the damage - I was bleeding. Dang it...

I quietly spit the flecks of polish out of the thin line of my lips, watching for any signs of life out of the corner of my eye. 

Nope. Nothing. 

The air in the car felt thick, and Ben's hand was sweating on my thigh through my dress. Geez, what was going on with him? 

"Hey, Ben...?"

His eyes slowly aligned with mine, and his eyebrow hitched up. He didn't answer, but his eyes bore into mine and it started making me feel uncomfortable. I decided to try again. 

"Ben...?" I whispered, dragging out his name. 

He finally blinked, smiling a little. 

"Yes, darling?" 

"Are... You okay? You've been sort of out of it since we got here." I reached out to touch his hand. 

"I'm sorry. I just... My mother called. My doctor passed away. I'm just sort of in a daze right now. Not sure..." His eyes glanced down at my mouth briefly before slowly back to look me in the eyes. "I'm not sure what to think anymore..."

"Oh... Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Benny!" I learned forward to embrace him. Poor guy... And to think I was being all stupid and suspicious. It made me feel bad. Really bad. That wasn't fair to assume that about him at all. Not good, Rey. Not good. 

Ben wrapped his arms around me and timidly kissed my cheek. I smiled and stroked his pretty black hair. Such a sweetheart. The cab came to a stop then, and Ben helped me out, taking my hand into his warm, calloused one. 

He payed the cabbie and we walked in silence through the hotel. I took off my stupid heels, rubbing the indents and cursing that I hadn't worn bandaids. What a rookie mistake, I'd known better than to tough it out in new heels without the right help. Guess I'm a... What's the phrase? Glutton for punishment. 

The elevator doors opened and we stepped in. 

I flexed my toes in and out, blowing a stand of my hair out of my face. I slumped against the wall and glanced at Ben, who was staring at me like he'd never seen me before. I laughed awkwardly and rubbed my arm. 

"Uhh... Is there something on my -"

Suddenly Ben pulled me to him, holding my face in one hand, the other wrapped around my waist. His thumb stroked my bottom lip and I took in a nervous breath, although I don't know why I was so nervous all of a sudden. 

His eyes searched mine before he leaned in and kissed me firmly. My eyelids fell closed and I brought my own hands up to wrap around his neck and sighed as he opened his mouth a little to take a breath in. He pulled me closer and traced my bottom lip with his tongue, caressing my face sweetly. 

It was one of the most intensely sweet things someone had ever done to me, and my head was swimming. Ben was usually so passionate, so quick like he was possessed by some lustful demon or something. 

But this was... This was different. 

The doors opened a moment later. Ben swept me up into his arms and strode quickly to our door, opening it in a flash and our lips met again as he laid me on the bed, still caressing me sweetly. His fingers ran through my hair and I moaned softly when he trailed soft kisses down my throat and lifted me up to unzip my dress. 

He pulled it down from my body, kissing me all over my collar bones and shoulders and I smiled as I watched his dark hair trail lower and lower down, kissing my hip bones and bellybutton ring.

Ben smiled up at me as his fingers grasped the sides of my panties, slowly pulling them down my legs and dropping them to the floor. 

"...I love you." His eyes bore into mine as he whispered it, before he softly kissed my clit. 

My cheeks grew red and I bit my lip, my eyes rolling back as he set to licking and kissing my pussy at a delicious pace. 

"I - love - love you, t-too..." I moaned, spreading my legs wider for him and brought my hands to my mouth to bite them, trying to keep my noises of passion down. 

_This can't be real. I must be dreaming..._

I panted fast while my eyes rolled into my head. I loved his tongue. Fuck, I loved him. I really did. This isn't where I ever pictured myself being, in a nice ass hotel room with a handsome, gentle man who really, truly loved me back. My legs began to shake as his tongue circled faster and faster and he slid two fingers inside me. My lower belly danced with fire and amazing tension. 

Almost there... Almost... 

"Oh. Fuck. _Fuck, Ben._ Don't stop - don't stop!" I murmured, squeezing my eyes shut tight. 

Ben doubled his efforts, pumping his fingers in and out of me faster, rubbing right against that sweet spot -

"Cum for me, baby girl." 

And that's all it took to make me come undone.

_Don't wake up, don't wake up._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmmm 🤔


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hai Ben

Being stuck in my own head was exhausting. 

Every emotion, every scene that played out before me, every word I wanted to scream had to be silenced. My silence was more important than anything, and it was paying off. Rather fast, actually... It was weird. 

Too weird.

I knew I couldn't I couldn't do much of anything, but very quickly I figured something out that Kylo couldn't see coming, not matter how fucking smart this dildo thought he was. 

It had worked much, much faster than I had anticipated. Just a few, small suggestions, and Kylo was putty in Rey's hands, just like I was. Little whispers, tiny nudges. I couldn't be too insistent, I had to bide my time. Tiny whispers. 

_look at her... how pretty..._

_she's very sweet, isn't she?_

_she's had a hard life, but she's strong_

_something about her... almost like Poe..._

Kylo had fallen head first into it all. I couldn't blame him; Rey was an angel. That sounded hella cliche, and I even cringed at it, but it was true. God, or whoever, had handed her to me, and maybe even to Kylo, to help us be better people. She was as bright as a halo, perfect in curvature, a sweet humming melody of heaven. 

I had to watch him make love to her, watch him take his time and gorge himself on the pleasure he gave and the pleasure we both received. I was jealous and bitter, but only at first... I would rather him treat her like the deity she was, much rather than him rape and hurt her. Anything but being held prisoner while he desecrated her mind and body so viciously.

 _Anything_ but that.

It was hard to try and absorb everything that was happening as he stroked in and out of her so slowly, so skillfully. He was better at fucking her so slowly, so sweetly. I could... I could admit that. Sure, yeah. Whatever. I was secure enough with myself to admit it... She deserved this, she deserved everything sweet. 

My heart sank a little as I watched though, feeling like a peeping Tom. Like I was intruding on something I shouldn't have been there for. He told her he loved her. And he had meant it. I felt that. 

Maybe... Maybe she was in better hands with Kylo. Maybe Kylo just needed someone he could be soft with again. He was sadistic as hell, but maybe that was from his heart break after Poe... He carried that burden while I shoved it away and made him deal with it. That wasn't fair to him. I couldn't handle really anything... I made him that way. I made him bitter and angry. I left him behind to be happy. What he did to her was horrible, but it was all my fault. I was weak and kicked him to the curb, only to drag him back into the spotlight when I needed something. What the fuck was wrong with me? 

I was just weak.

Kylo was stronger than me. With everything. Ever since I was a kid, and my parents would fight, he would take the emotional brunt and let me hide away and rest. I hadn't ever treated him very fairly, and in doing that, I'd made a monster. Maybe if I just pushed back into the darkness of our brain, he could take over, and I could just disappear altogether. He was the better part of us. I always knew it... I just didn't want to admit it. It was probably time I paid for what I did to him, how shitty I treated him. 

I closed my eyes and took a little step back. 

Maybe I should... I should just... Give up. 

I closed my eyes and relished in the darkness. 

This was fine. This was the right thing to do. Cancelled out Rey's sweet mewls of pleasure, and then cut the lights on everything else. I didn't deserve to have access to this anymore. I let everything fade to black that stupid song echoing out before it was also gone, just like me. 

_Hello darkness, my old friend..._

 

Suddenly I opened my eyes and shook my head, confused. I sat up in bed and looked around, and Rey slipped off of my chest down into the mattress. 

"What the... What the fuck?" I whispered while I ran my hands through my hair and swallowed loudly. I was covered in sweat and the room was mostly dark. The air conditioner kicked on a few seconds later that blew cold air into the room. It gave me goosebumps. Was I...? How did I get back in my body? 

_You're not as quiet as you think, **dildo**. Consider this a truce... For now._

I looked around as my heart pattered on unevenly. He... Was gonna _let_ me take control? That was... Oddly nice of him...? 

Kylo scoffed. 

_Please. I am a gentleman, after all. Don't reduce me to being one note. I surprise even myself sometimes..._ He sighed, sounding sad. 

_But she surprised me, really more than anything. I have guilt biting at my nails, swallowing me up inside at the way I've acted. I don't know how to rectify for what I've done to her... I'm ashamed of myself, honestly. That's not who I am, who I want to be. I - I don't know, Ben... I guess I was just..._

Kylo trailed off. 

I shrugged a little, unsure of how to feel. 'A truce'... "Scared to move on?" I whispered while I looked down at Rey. She was naked with her arms wrapped around her pillow and snored lightly. I loved how -

 _Long her eyelashes are? Yeah. Me too._ Kylo chuckled softly. 

I chuckled a little too, and I felt oddly peaceful. Kylo and I never agreed on really anything but Poe... and Rey, now. I guess it didn't really matter what the brain thought... The heart wanted what it wanted. 

I sighed and leaned back against the headboard, stretching out my - well, _our_ arms. We sat in silence for a long time, just listening to Rey breathe and the occasional foot steps passed the door outside. 

_Do you remember that night we confessed ourselves to Poe?_ Kylo asked abruptly. 

I nodded slowly and muttered. "Sure. Of course..."

We had been in our tent, out in the middle of bum fuck nowhere, the very distant sounds of explosions and guns firing off. The occasional helicopter flew above, but we were still half a day from reaching the fight. 

I was beyond scared shitless. 

I hated combat and I especially loathed shooting people I didn't know who maybe didn't deserve to die. I hated my mom and dad for talking me into joining. I hated going days without sleep. I hated being hungry all the time. Hated the guilt. I hated seeing my brothers and sisters die in front of me. I hated having to follow orders. 

I hated every single fucking thing about it. 

The only thing that made that shithole of an experience worth surviving was Poe. He was a such a cool guy... He was charming and sweet, always sticking his neck out for people when they were getting screamed at. He was always there to be a shoulder to cry on, for anyone. His deep brown eyes twinkled, even when the stars were suffocated behind smoke in the sky. 

I almost loved him, in a way I had never felt about anyone else. Ever. 

I remember I was having a particularly hard time, my friend Matika had been shot in the gut, and I had to help him apply pressure to the wound while he cried and prayed, to a God I'd come to terms with didn't exist out here in the hellish sands. There was blood gushing everywhere, soaking my hands and the sand under him. Poe was there, calling in help on the radio. I was shaking so much, but Kylo took over me and waited until the medi showed up. I wasn't sure if he was going to live, but Kylo was strong and made of stone. He took care of it for me like everything else. 

Poe must have noticed the switch, because later that night in our tent, he confronted me about it. 

"Ben... What the hell was that back there? I've never seen anyone do something like that in my life... You just..." He runner the back of his dark, tan neck while he see her for the words. "...became a totally different person, out of nowhere..." He whispered as he lit a cigarette and unzipped the small window pocket of our tent, blowing his smoke out. 

I'd come back into my own, Kylo sending me a silent warning. It was usually best not to tell anyone who wasn't Dr. Snoke, and he'd even fibbed for my parents so I could join. The military didn't tend to allow 'crazy people' in... Well, they did, but they didn't have a medical record like I had before it was striked and deleted forever. 

I rubbed my hands back and forth, sweaty palms and blisters rubbing together. I couldn't look at Poe, even when he offered me the cigarette. I blew out my hit and finally looked him in his pretty amber colored eyes. I felt caged in them, like they were trying to pull the truth out of me. 

Fuck it. 

"I have DID."

That felt nice to finally say. 

Poe raised an eyebrow, his handsome face filled with confusion. "What the shit is that..?"

I took another hit and held the cigarette between my teeth as I took off my jacket. 

"Basically split personality disorder. I'm not the only one in here." I said, speaking around the filter of the cigarette. "I share this melon with another person." I tapped the side of my head with my finger before handing the cigarette back to Poe. I expected him to laugh or run away screaming, since people like us weren't too fondly received. Mental illnesses tended to make people think those affected were dangerous nut jobs that just wanted to hurt everyone. 

But Poe surprised me. 

Instead of running, he sat down next to me and wrapped his arm around me. The abrupt, close proximity made me nervous, and I could smell his sweaty body. I loved the way it smelled. My mouth felt dry and I stared at the floor and listened to my pulse pound in my head. 

"Hey, man, I don't judge..." He squeezed my shoulder. "Could... Could I meet him? Or them? I don't really know much about it, aside from Fight Club and I don't how accurate that shit really is." He laughed a little. 

I licked my lips and laughed a little breathlessly. "I mean... It's just him - Kylo. I don't know how he would -"

 _Are you kidding me? I'm coming!_ Kylo exclaimed and suddenly I was in the passenger seat. 

I crossed my arms. Well that was fast. 

"Hi there. I'm Kylo." He extended our hand and Poe slowly shook it, searching our eyes. His eyebrows hitched together briefly before he exhaled, his face full of wonder. 

"Holy shit. Hi. I'm Poe."

Kylo smiled. "Oh, I know. I know, because Ben knows. There's no secrets between us." He laughed. "Well... What would you like to know?"

 

That night was filled with a lot of questions, on both ends, and I felt a little peace wash over me. It was weird - I never considered myself gay or bi or whatever. I never even found guys all that attractive before... But I'd had a massive crush on Poe for months now, and Kylo wasn't quiet about his shared feelings, either. It was rad to learn so much about Poe, and to finally open up to someone who wasn't holding a clipboard and trying to analyze us like lab rats. Our disorder was rare, so we kept it quiet. But Poe had opened us up, and it was beyond liberating. 

That was the first night we kissed, and our relationship snowballed quickly from there. It was natural and felt so safe... The passed relationships of high school were messy and chaotic. But Poe was compassionate and sensitive. Our first true love. 

 

I opened my eyes, and a few tears fell. Fuck. I hadn't thought about these things in so long... It made my chest ache horribly, and I finally started to come to terms with missing Poe as much as I did. 

Fuck. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

My chest heaved a little as I tried to bite back a sob. 

_I know. I know._ Kylo breathed, and I remembered then that he felt what I felt. 

Rey snored loudly in her sleep, and my eyes dashed to her, and it seemed that her snore had woken her up. She blinked her eyes open a little and rubbed her knuckles into them. She yawned and scrunched her face in a comical way and rolled over closer to snuggle up to me. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pet her long, pretty hair and she sighed before falling right back to sleep, snoring again. 

I smiled a little and wiped my tears away. She was so -

 _Adorable?_ Kylo sighed, almost contently. 

"Yeah." I whispered. 

_I know. I know..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gross. Did I just write lovey dovey shit? YIKES. 😬


	26. Mommy Dearest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW mentions of sexual abuse, physical abuse and mental abuse by a parent
> 
> just all over horrible shit

_I'm hiding under my bed because I hear mom just getting home but dad isn't home yet. She's calling for me, but I hold my hand over my mouth so she can't hear me breathing. But she does. She always does. She comes into my room, and she whispers that she can hear me, and if I come out now she won't be mad. But she's lying. She's always mad at me. I don't know why. She's going to hurt me and I don't want her to. The things she does to me hurts for days and days, and I can't sit right at school. My teachers ask me what's wrong but I don't want to tell anyone because I love her and I don't want her to get in trouble. I know what she does is wrong but if she gets in trouble, she'll be sad. Her sadness is my sadness, and her anger is... Is my fault. She lifts the bed sheets and finds me. I'm so scared I start to cry right away but she drags me out by my hair. I beg her to stop, to leave me alone, but she's drunk and unstoppable. I'm helpless when she throws me on the bed and rips off my school uniform that I try to keep her from taking, but I can't. She tells me she hates me as she hits me in the face, she tells me she wishes I was never born. I scream and cry, and she tells me she'll kill me if I don't stop. I can't stop, though. I'm terrified. I don't know why she hates me when I love her so much. She grabs my hairbrush off my night stand and I know what's she's going to do with it. The thing that hurts the most. The reason hairbrush handles make me so sick. I hope my daddy will come save me, but that doesn't happen until another year. She bares her teeth at me as she spreads my legs too rough and it's gonna leave new bruises on my old bruises. What did I do to deserve this? Mommy is crying, and it makes me feel worse, because it's all my fault she's sad._

_"I hate you, Rey. I fucking hate you."_

•••

 

I felt like shit when I woke up. 

I was sweating, had chills, and my muscles felt sore. I had a nightmare, but I couldn't remember too much of it. My mouth was dry and I had a really bad headache. My stomach cramped and I felt like I had the flu. But I didn't - I was coming down... We must have forgotten to push off last night. Shit. 

I could feel Ben's arms wrapped around me, and I wondered what time it was. It sucked that I felt so shitty, because last night was one of the best nights of my life. The love we had made was so... So _W wonderful._ Sex with Ben really shown me that sex could be good, fun and just... Personal. I nearly cried while he was fucking me so sweetly. 

No, not fucking - _making love..._

Ben was my savior, even though the way he had saved me was a little... Unconventional, to say the least. He saved me from Hux, he saved me from Kylo, and he even saved me from myself. I didn't deserve it. I was broken. I was used goods. I was disgusting. I had done terrible things and all I wanted was to get high right now and numb this terrible feeling. 

I hated being sober and feeling things...

I finally opened my crust ridden eyes and looked up at him. He was awake, and had a small smile on his face. I couldn't return it, though. Whatever my nightmare had been was making me sad and I just wanted to push off. 

"Ben?" I whispered, and my voice cracked. 

"Yes, my love?" He whispered and brought his hand up to touch my face, sweeping the pad of his thumb back and forth across my cheek. It felt nice, and warm. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head and decided to look at his collar bones instead of his eyes. 

"Can I... Can you... Uhm..." I lifted my arm to him. I felt embarrassed, even after all this time and sex to just ask him, even though he had helped me get high plenty of times by now. It was still too embarrassing to speak the words. 

_I'm such a piece of shit loser..._

Ben seemed to get the idea and nodded, kissing my softly on the lips before slipping out of bed and kneeling down to rummage through our big duffle bag. He got everything together and set to the routine, now a seasoned expert at shooting up his junkie girlfriend. 

I felt ashamed, but I was nearly drooling as I watched him pull back the lever on the needle, anxious to just get high and numb. I watched the empty tube fill up with that golden elixir, beyond thrilled to hurry it up and get it done with. I flexed my sweaty hands, running them off on the sheets. Gross. He took my arm gently into his big, rough hands and tied the tourniquet, tapping to help my vein pop up. This was such a normal part of our relationship, but I knew it was fucked up. It wasn't right to ask this of him, and I wondered how it made him feel to have to touch dirty drugs and get me high. Did it bother him? 

But as soon as I felt that familiar cold pinch and the rush of euphoria spread through my body, I didn't think much else. It was beyond anything I'd ever had in my life, and I slumped back against the pillows and smiled as my eyes fell shut. 

Nothing could compare to this... But Ben was pretty close second. I loved him, but in the back or my brain, I knew that if it came down to having to choose... I would pick heroin over him. It was a sad and sick thing to think, but I had to be honest with myself. Dope would always come first, and it was my fault that I had ended up with way at only 17 years old. 

But as I got higher and higher, and the aches and chills disappeared and became perfect numbness, nothing mattered. I slid down slowly, back to lying down and pulled the blankets up and felt nice and warm. I would bet this is what clouds on Jupiter felt like. Ben set everything on the small table by the bed and cuddled up to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me in and tucking his chin on my shoulder. 

He sighed happily and I did, too. This hotel bed was perfect and big, so comfy and perfect. We laid like that for awhile and I started to doze off when his hold tightened only a little. I heard him swallow and mutter something I couldn't hear. 

"Huh?" I mumbled. 

"Nothing, I just... There's something we wanna talk to you about."

My eyes cracked open to stare at the wall in front of me. 'We'...? Did that mean Kylo was back? My heart started to race and I felt that horrible feeling of being cornered all of a sudden, like I was trapped. Ben must have felt me tense up because he instantly started to try and soothe me. 

"Shh, shh shh shh. Don't panic, love. It's okay. It's not bad. I promise. I promise."

"The what... What is going on?" I asked as I slowly turned my head to look at him. 

He kissed my check and helped me turn all the way over so we were face to face. He tucked my hair behind my ear sweetly and lightly rubbed his nose against mine but I was still a little scared and confused. When had Kylo come back into the picture? When I was sleeping? 

"Kylo and I have come to a sort of... Agreement. A truce of sorts." He laughed a little and scratched his stubbly chin. I just stared at him. I didn't know what he was saying anymore. Reality was starting to slip away and the feeling of cold, emptiness crept up my body. 

"It's a long story but... We love you. Both of us. And Kylo wants to ask you something." I looked into his dark brown eyes, not sure what I was searching for in them. He was Ben. But then I watched him change, felt my eyes get really wide and then I was trying with all my might to get the hell away from him, pushing him away by his face and chest. 

"No! _No!_ Let me go! Let me fucking _GO!_ " I screamed. Fuck this, fuck him, fuck everything!

The panic made me become inconsolable and hysterical like a light switch and I started scratching and hitting Kylo, but he didn't get mad or anything, which only scared me more. I was screaming and crying, but he just kept me stuck in his arms, shushing me. 

"Rey, I know, I'm sorry, it's okay, calm down, calm down." He kept saying it, his voice so low I even stopped screaming for a moment to hear it. He was too strong, and was going to hurt me again, like he did before. Like he was gonna do again. It had to be a trick. I was just a fuck doll, just a broken mannequin. I couldn't breathe and my heart felt like it was being stepped on. 

Ben had made amends with Kylo... and now I was gonna have to get hurt over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again because Daddy won't come home and he doesn't know. Why won't daddy just come home? She's going to kill me this time. 

"Daddy!" I screamed, drowning in my snot and tears. "Save me, please! Daddy!!!" I was hitting mommy in the face, clawing at her throat and chest, drawing some blood. I was so scared I felt like I was on fire. Her grip burned me like her cigarettes. Like the curling iron. 

Under the bed... I needed to get under the bed. But mommy wouldn't let go of me. She was so strong. 

Why couldn't daddy come back home? Why did he leave me with her? Didn't he know she was bad? Evil. I looked into her eyes and they were yellow and horrible, evil like a demon. I felt sick to my stomach and dizzy. 

I had to get away, had to fly away. I could fly away, I just needed to be free first. So I bit mommy as hard as I could and she let go for just a tiny second and I took off out of the room and into the hallway. I didn't know where to go but mommy was calling for me and I had to hide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor baby Rey I'm sorry guys but the peace couldn't last long


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben/Kylo POV

_Shit_ she's fucking fast!

We sprinted down after her at top speed, and while of course we were worried about her panicked and hysterical soul, she was also running topless through a hotel hallway and that could cause a lot more problems than we could handle, especially if the cops were called. 

_Yes, well.... She is only 17._

"Oh my god, don't remind me!" I growled through gnashed teeth. "I didn't _know_ that!" Rey ripped open the door to the stairs and we caught it just before it shut. We were so close...

Kylo chuckled humorlessly. _I mean... I did, and that didn't stop me._

"That's because.. You're... A... A fuckin'... Deviant... D - d - degenerate!" I huffed wildly as we hopped another flight of stairs. We were rounding on her, our hands out in front of us, grasping for anything we could grab to catch her. Physical injuries we could deal with. 

_Anything_ but the fucking _cops._

She skidded to round a sharp corner but lost her footing, and ate shit right before the next flight of stairs. She was crying and frantically clawing to get away so when we jumped on top of her, she began screaming. We quickly clamped our hand over her mouth and pulled her into our arms. She struggled with all her might, be we were mightier. 

We knew exactly what was happening: she was having a PTSD attack of some sort. We'd had our huge share of PTSD attacks back in the day, but if we could just get her to the room and give her some of our medication, maybe it could zonk her out and calm her the fuck down... 

_This poor, poor girl. This is all my fault. I'm so stupid!_ Kylo growled. I shrugged. "Yeah, well... We'll have a great big pity party later." _Promise?_ "No." 

We picked her up and basically rolled her into a ball before we ran back up the stairs, two at a time. She was clawing and screaming, even biting our hand but we'd been through real pain. No biggie. We peaked out of the door at our floor, checking for any people and then booked it to the hotel room. Thank fuck Kylo was smart enough to leave something in between the door so we weren't locked out. 

An elderly couple passed us as we ran to the room, and we turned to smile briefly and shrug. 

"She's fine. She's fine."

They just looked at each other, with seemingly knowing expressions. Doubtful.

We slammed the door shut, struggling with the chain lock, and I wished we could split into two actual bodies so we could get the meds and also hold her down. But that wasn't possible to be two places at once, so one arm held her like an iron grasp while the other fished around our luggage. Come on, come on... 

Aha! 

We flicked off the top and dumped them on the floor, picking one to push through her tight lips and clamping our palm back over her mouth. We sat criss cross and held her violently squirming body, wrapping our legs around her. 

"It's a dissolving tablet, babe. You're gonna have to just deal with it. We're sorry." We bite our bottom lip and hunkered down to wait it out. She was so strong for being so thin... The poor baby. I wondered just what kind of PTSD she could be suffering from that would send her running topless, tits to the world, in such a panic. 

Kylo cleared his throat. _I think it's safe to say I had a bit of a helping hand in that... Fuck. There's a long road to recovery ahead of us, Benny Boy. A lot of shit I need to attend for... I'm a monster. What the fuck is wrong with me?_

I sighed and stared up at the ceiling, noting that Rey was calming down just a little. She must be tired. 

"To be fair... We _both_ are fucked up. It's so hard to remember that we're not actually different people, Kylo. We're the same person - we're just sick... Sick in the fucking head." I rubbed our face on our shoulder, wiping a tear away. "But we have to do better. We have to." I muttered. 

_Yes, we are. And yes, we do._

After awhile, the meds kicked in, and Rey stopped crying and slumped in our arms. We kissed the top of her head and she sniffled.

"Ben... I'm sorry."

'Sorry'..?!

Kylo and I both laughed, a little shocked. _"You're_ sorry? You've gotta be kidding." I said while we let her readjust, and she groggily turned to face us, swaying a little. She face was red, not just from crying, but also embarrassment. Oops.

"I just... Sometimes I get so scared. Stuff happened to me a long time ago, and I can't get it out of my brain... I don't want it to define me but... It does. It has. I think it always will..." She covered her face and started crying all over again. 

I held out our hand but Kylo stopped me. 

_Let me talk to her._

And just like that, we were reversed again and it almost gave me whiplash. 

Kylo scooted closer to her and set our hand on her shoulder, softly rubbing circles with our thumb. 

"Rey..." He whispered. "You're allowed to get scared, to feel like you've lost control. We will never judge you for that. I'm so sorry for what I've done to you. That doesn't fix it, I know that. But I'm gonna spend all my time proving to you that it won't happen again. Ben is here, and so am I." Kylo but our lip. "You know, a long time ago, we lost someone very important to us in a horrible way and we still have nightmares about it, too." 

Kylo closed our eyes and I saw Poe's smiling face morph horribly into the Swiss cheese, bullet holed corpse he was when he had died in that desert. My heart nearly snapped in half all over again. I backed away, horrified. Fuck. Fuck! No more! 

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry to both of you. I just miss Poe so much. I miss him more than anything. But when you came along, and Ben loved you so quickly, it.. It infuriated me. I lashed out like a monster. I hurt you, I hurt Ben, and that in turn just hurt myself." Kylo laughed a little as tears fell from our eyes. "This life has been an absolutely insane one, Rey." He lifted her chin up so she was looking at us. 

"I would gladly give it all up if that's what it took to make things better. I just... I don't know how to do it. Tell me what I should do. _Please._ " He begged, something I'd never heard him do. Not since Poe.

Rey wouldn't look at him, her arms holding her legs to her bare chest. Her eyebrows were knitted together and we were both begging to whatever higher power there was to tell us what she was thinking. 

Long minutes of pure silence ticked by, both of us on the complete edge of our already thin sanity. It was torture. Would she leave? Oh god... What happened now? What next? We both just wanted to shake her and rip our hair out. 

Just say _something_.

Finally, _finally_ , she spoke. She still wouldn't look at us, and Kylo flexed our fists, anxious. 

"You said you would do anything. Right?"

We nodded spastically. "Anything. Yes, anything."

She looked us in the eye then, a very intense and cold look in her usually soft hazel eyes. 

"I want you to kill my mom."


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still Ben/Kylo POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys... It's been awhile. Stopped taking seroquel and I've been somehow in even more of a daze, short term memory even worse now. Woooooooo. 
> 
> Anyways. Where were we? 🤔  
> Ah, right...  
> Kill the mommy.

Wait... What the fuck? 

Before I could even process what she had said, Kylo answered for us. 

"Just give me a name, darling." He laid our hand on her knee. 

_Whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA! Wait a second - we can't just kill her mo -_

"Hush!" Kylo hissed at me.

Rey's eyes snapped up ours and a few tears fell down her cheeks. She wiped them away quickly and stuttered out, "Q-Qi'ra Voss. She's thirty - thirty six, I think, she's from Corellia, Illinois and s-she was in Dathomir Prison for nine years. I don't... I don't know where she is now." She huffed and went back to staring at the floor. "I doubt you can find her but... But if you could kill Hux, you can kill her, too, right?" 

Kylo nodded gravely. "Anything for you. Let me just get the phone..."

We stood up and snatched the phone from the nightstand and Kylo began clicking away, first with a quick Google search. I sat back, totally numb. What the fuck could her mother have done to her that was so bad she wanted her dead? She was upset when we killed Hux, and that cock smoker tormented her in ways I didn't even want to think about. 

"Not our place to ask, just our place to fix." Kylo muttered as he continued his investigation. He looked up from the phone to Rey a few times and finally sighed. 

"Darling, why don't we draw you a bath and fix you up, calm you down. How does that sound?"

Rey nodded absently from the floor. We set the phone down, picked her up into our arms and carried her into the bathroom. There was a big glass shower to the right and a huge tub with jets off to the left. We set her down on the double sink counter and went to running the bath. 

Kylo's mind was running a thousand miles a minute, so I took the opportunity to take over and let him think. I tested the water's temperature, which was a little on the hot side but I figured she'd need it to calm down. That's how things worked, right? I don't fucking know... 

I swept our hair back and sighed. Things with Rey were starting to develop a body count... I never thought my life would be like this. Are we really going to add another person to our kill count? 

_Oh, so now that it isn't **your** plan, it's an issue of morality? She doesn't ask for anything, but now that she does... You're contemplating life? Grow up, Ben. We said 'anything'._

I made an exaggerated face full of mocking and rolled my eyes while I turned off the faucet. He was right - and I hated when he was right. God damn it. I closed me eyes for a moment before I got up to help Rey into the tub and sighed softly. Yeah. He was right. 

When I turned around, Rey was standing behind us, stark naked and holding her arms across her chest. She was rubbing her big toes together, and that's what I decided to focus on rather than being a total creep and ogling her pretty, skinny body. I'd seen it all before, no need to... Dwell. Especially not now. 

I lifted our hand out to her and murmured softly. "Come here, honey."

She lightly grasped our hand and took a slightly wobbling step to dip her toes in. She hissed lightly but slide in anyways and closed her eyes as she laid her head back against the wall. I reached over to unwrap the soap and dunked it in the hot water to lather it. 

"What was your favorite movie as a kid?" Rey asked suddenly. 

My eyes darted to her, seeing her eyes now open and watching me, glazed over. 

"Uh..." I inched closed to her and lifted her hand out of the water to start soaping her up. "I guess... I really liked Fantasia. But I think maybe that's because Kylo liked the music so much and I liked the weird little stories."

"Oh. That makes sense... What was your favorite part?"

I smiled while I swept the soap up around her shoulders. "Hmm.. It's gotta be a tie between the horse people and Night On Bald Mountain. Always loved the big devil guy. Scared me out of my wits, honestly, but Kylo always reminded me that he was just a cartoon."

Rey smiled and leaned forward while I washed her back. She turned her head slightly to look at me from the corner of her eye. "And let me guess... You liked the centaurs because of the boobs?" She lifted an eyebrow. 

I laughed and shrugged. "I mean... That may have had a little something to do with it... But I thought the fat, drunk guy and his donkey were pretty damn hilarious, too."

I handed Rey the soap bar and pushed myself up. "I'm gonna go get your stuff real quick - I'll be right back."

Rey nodded and starting washing herself. 

I got all the stuff together but paused to picked up my phone. The Google search was still up, but maybe if I looked through Facebook... 

_Bingo. Good thinking, Ben._

There was only one Qi'ra Voss, and judging from the picture, she was definitely Rey's mom - short brown hair, big blue eyes, full lips and sharp cheek bones. I squinted as I hurriedly clicked her picture and scrolled her page. It said she was in Ryloth, Oregon... And she was active 4 minutes ago. 

Holy shit. 

_Not far... Perhaps an hour or so?_ Kylo mused. _Dare we send her a message?_

I could feel Kylo's evil grin as it took over my own face. 

"Yes, I think we do dare..." I muttered as I tapped the messenger icon. 

"Ben?" Rey called. "Are you coming back...?"

"Coming, honey." I said as I typed a quick message and turned off the screen. I picked everything back up and sat back down on the floor next to the tub. Rey gave me her arm, and I smiled as how weirdly domestic we all were, even though I was shooting up my underage girlfriend with heroin I'd stolen from her boyfriend that I murdered with my split personality while we planned on murdering her mother. 

_Stranger things have probably happened._

I shrugged and pulled the tourniquet with my teeth, tapped her veins and slid the needle carefully into the crook of her arm. I pushed down on the plunger and Rey sighed dreamily, just as I received a message notification. I leaned over the tub to kiss Rey's soft lips and caressed her jaw. 

"We love you." I said, staring at her like a total creep. 

I finally tore my eyes away and opened the message.

**well hello there ! ur a tall drink of water ... wat r u doin up so late luv? lookin 4a frend ? 😉💦**

We nearly trembled with excitement. 

Rey hummed with her eyes fluttering closed. "Love you boys, too."


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV
> 
> Kind of long
> 
>  
> 
> TW: mentions of violent sexual abuse

I only vaguely remember Ben moving me back to the bed. Or maybe it was Kylo? Both, neither... Whatever. 

I was in and out of sleep a lot, feeling a little sick. I couldn't believe I asked them to kill my mom... And that they so quickly agreed to do it. I stared at the dark ceiling for awhile, listening to the rain hit against the window and the boys type away on their phone. I chewed on my lip and snuggled my pillow. 

They didn't even ask what she did... I was so glad they didn't. 

Where would I even begin with that? I barely was able to explain to the doctors that examined me while dad had to sit out in the waiting room and I cried and cried and cried. It was scary and it hurt, even though the women nurses held my hands and sweetly brushed my hair from my face and the women doctors spoke softly. 

Nothing could repair the damage Qi'ra had done. 

_Nothing._

"Hey, Rey, honey?"

I startled a little and rolled over to look at the boys who were sitting on the floor, their back against the big dresser, facing me. I stared at their face, illuminated in the dark by their phone's screen. It casted shadows across their face and I loved their dark eyes and big, pouty lips. They really were handsome... 

Guess it's a good thing a hot guy was the one who saved me. I don't think I would have been all too cool with an ugly, creepy guy trying to help me. Is that shallow? Oh god, am I shallow? I bit my raw lip. I'm not shallow... I just have standards. 

"... Rey?"

I snapped out of my thoughts. "Huh? Yeah?"

"We, uh..." He glanced around for a minute, his eyebrows knitted. This was Ben. Kylo never said 'uh'. He nodded. "Weee... found your mom."

My heart sank. _Holy fuck..._ They really found her? I didn't think it would be that easy... They found her. Oh my god. Where is she? What's going to happen? Oh my god, oh my god. 

"Oh." Was all I could whisper. 

Ben stared at me blankly for a minute and I realized they were having another quiet conversation. I didn't like when they did that. It felt too weird, and I think I wanted to just pretend we were normal. A normal couple with normal couple's problems. Normal vacations. Normal jobs. Normal hobbies... 

Well... As normal the three of us could be. 

"Now what...?" I asked and slowly scratched my fix arm. 

"Well... She's not far from here, actually." His eyes finally rested on mine. He looked so serious, maybe a little nervous, too. "We've already made contact and we have a, uh... Not like a _date_ -date, but a kind of date set up with her. Tonight." 

Ben set his phone down and leaned forward to crawl towards me up on the bed. His eyes where searching mine, and I don't know what he saw, but suddenly his entire posture changed, his expression too. 

Oh. Whoa. 

"Uh... Hi, Kylo..."

He smiled and tucked my hair behind my ear. 

"Hello, darling." He whispered. "What's going through your mind?"

I scooted closer to the edge of the bed. "Nothing, really. I don't feel really anything." I rubbed my feet together and ignored my pouring heart. "I just... Wanna know what you guys are gonna do to her."

Kylo smirked. "That depends on what you want, what you had in mind. I know you'd rather not acquaint but I think it would give us an idea of what's deserved." He booped my nose. "Hmm?"

I winced and gulped loudly, too loudly. Kylo shifted even closer, watching me in that weird, analytical way he always did. He never missed anything, so I knew I couldn't lie. 

"I... I can't tell you everything."

Kylo's dark eyes probed mine and he softly stroked my cheek. I suddenly felt trapped under the blankets and his gaze and him touching me. It wasn't his fault, but I started to feel like I could snap at any second again. I could feel my heart beat pattering away against the big, comfy mattress. Oh god. I don't want to talk about this, out loud. Not to them, not to anyone. 

"Rey, darling... Just an abridged version. Don't worry, our love. We're here for you." His hand left my face and rested over my fist that I was using to cling to dear life via pillow. 

I tore my eyes off of his and turned over onto my back to stare at the ceiling again. Light was creeping in from around the black out curtains from the sun outside and a tear fell from my eye and into my hair. I took a staggering breath and bit my chapped lips. I need to drink some fucking water... 

"Fuck... Okay." I whispered. 

Kylo rose and sat on the edge of the bed next to me, still holding on to my fist. He ran his thumb over my knuckles slowly and I ground my teeth. Just a quick... Explanation. I could do that. No big deal. 

But this 'no big deal' had me sweating and my muscles clenching in a panic. My throat felt like I was being strangled and I couldn't breathe very good and it felt like my chest was gonna burst open like the dick with teeth in Alien. The panic was building and I was clutching to the fluffy hotel blanket with all my might. 

I didn't even realize that Kylo had disappeared until he was kneeling next to me, his palm extended to me with a small, white round pill in his hand. 

I looked down at it with wide eyes and tried to swallow the dry spit in my mouth. "W-what... Is that?" I asked in a low, strained voice. 

Kylo smiled sympathetically and pushed it closer to my face. "It's Ativan, Lorazepam. It's for anxiety and it will calm you down quite a bit, love." He picked it up and brought it an inch from my lips. "Here. Chew it. It works quickly and doesn't taste too bad, either."

I stuck out my tongue, unsure, which he stuck it on and kissed me when I closed my mouth. I turned my face from him to chew it quickly and swallowed it with dry spit. It tasted like shit. I turned back to kiss him again, feeling a little guilty that Ben might be able to see and it would hurt his feelings. 

But I couldn't think rationally for long with the most perfect lips in the world searing my flesh off with all the tender passion he was imprinting on me. I gasped against his lips and my fingers found their way into his velvety soft hair and I ran my nails against his scalp and he groaned against my lips and -

Kylo broke the kiss out of nowhere and I gasped in a few breaths, my head was spinning. I looked at him, totally in a daze and I realized I was looking at Ben, instead. He took my hand and pulled me up, and I felt like I was getting whiplash from how many times the boys phased back and forth. How the fuck did they do that? It was so weird. 

"H-hi, Ben."

Ben held my face in both hands, cradling my head and neck softly searching my eyes before he slowly leaned in and kissed me gently. I melted right into it and sighed, which gave him an open invitation for his tongue to softly swipe in and caress my tongue. Oh, oh shit. I was getting turned on, like _really_ hot and bothered so I all but threw myself onto him and hitched my thighs around his hips. 

Ben grinned and trailed his hands down my neck and shoulders and to my waist, which he squeezed lightly before reaching behind and getting two handfuls of my ass and pawed at them as we continued kissing wildly. It reminded me of being in the backseat of a boy's car, writhing around desperately and clumsily. It was fun and nostalgic and it made my heart ache for him. As well as the stupid, horny ache inside me. 

Ben spanked my ass (more the back of my thigh than my ass but I didn't mind) and I kissed down his jaw to his throat where I kissed and licked and went to suck on before the next thing I knew, he was on top of me with my hands above my head in only one of his giant hands, the other holding my thigh and hitching it around his hip as he kneeled above me. 

Oh. It was Kylo again. 

I blinked a couple times and tried to get my bearings. God damn, what a head trip. I glanced around for a second. My body felt light and floaty, and I could feel a little bit of a buzz from whatever he'd given me. Oh, it was helping... Kylo was so thoughtful. 

I grinned up at him like a dope. "Hi, Kylo."

He returned the smile. "Hello, Rey. Ready to talk?"

My smile faded. 

Oh. Right... 

I closed my eyes and blew out a big, gusty sigh. "Okay... My mother, Qi'ra..." Her name still felt like poison on my tongue. "Assaulted me. Sex... ually. She did it so bad that I, uhhhh... Can't have kids?" Holy shit. I said it. I _actually_ said it... It hurt to say but it wasn't impossible like I thought. Kylo let go of my wrists and sat back. I didn't want to imagine what his face looked like so I pretended I was alone and saying it. I felt braver after finally saying it, too, so I went on with my eyes closed. 

"She hated me and I don't know why. I think it's because she didn't want to have a kid or something. Maybe she was just jealous that my daddy loved me so much. I don't know. But..." I took a deep breathe. Here comes the hard part... "She put things inside me, big things, hot things... The last time... She did it... It... It was sharp and it hurt so bad, worse than anything and when my daddy found me bleeding and crying in bed, he beat my mom and took me to the hospital. She went to prison for a long time."

I laid there with my eyes closed for awhile in silence. There. I said it. All my old therapists would be so proud, and I didn't even have to pay to say it. A tiny smile spread across my face and I felt like I'd just dumped ten pounds from the backpack of bullshit I'd been struggling to carry around every day for the last 9 years. 

Tears were streaming down my cheeks but I didn't care. I'd finally said it. I was invincible. I was amazing. I was strong.

When I opened my eyes, I looked up to find Kylo staring at me, tears of his own sliding down his cheeks, passed his spackling of dark beauty marks. Oh no... Why was he crying? 

"K.. Kylo? What's wrong?" I sat up and reached for him. 

He wiped his tears and bore his teeth at me, and I only just then realized he was angry. 

"That fucking _cunt_." He growled, low and beyond menacing. 

I flinched back instinctually at the malice in his words, his tone. Oh no. He was mad at me. He probably thought it was all my fault. He probably thinks I deserved it. Oh god, he was gonna hit me. It's all my fault. Oh no. Oh fuck. Oh -

Kylo gritted his teeth, the sound of teeth grinding making me feel a little sick. His nostrils flared and his breathing was hard and labored. I shrank away from him, glancing around wildly for a place to hide or chance to escape. He was gonna hit me, and judging from the size of him, it would really knock my fucking block off, just like Hux used to say. 

But there was nowhere to go, no where to run. He would catch me and probably hurt me even more. The sense of invincibility blew up like a mushroom cloud and all I was left with was total fear. I shouldn't have said anything. I shouldn't have said anything. I was so stupid, why the fuck did I say -

Kylo grabbed me so suddenly that I stupidly shrieked in terror, but instead of him hitting me or choking me, he pulled me to his hard chest and held me while he cried. Like _really_ cried. Holy hell... He was crying... I felt so confused... He must be broken or something. 

"Rey... Oh my god. Our sweet darling, what the fuck is with the world treating you so horribly? My sweet angel, my soft kitten, my - our - _our_ poor baby girl." He sobbed while he stroked my hair. I stared off at the mirror attached to the dresser and watched with a totally dumbfounded look on my face. Watching Kylo cry for me was beyond the weirdest thing that has ever happened. I didn't think he was capable of it. It made me feel... 

Loved..?

I timidly nuzzled into his chest and soothed him, whispering sweet things and 'it's okay, it's okay' over and over until he finally was reduced to sniffles. 

After awhile, he calmed down enough to pull away and wipe his tears on his bare shoulders. He huffed a stuttering breath in and blew out in a big gust. He chuckled a little and shook his head. 

"Shut up, Ben. So were you." He muttered and laughed a little harder. 

I laughed a little, too. I wasn't really sure at what. Maybe at what a fucking bunch of nut jobs we all were.

Kylo turned towards me and took my hands into his. He squeezed. "Oh, baby girl... Tonight is going to be a night, made especially for you, in your honor. We're going to make sure everything goes off perfectly." He was nearly vibrating with excitement, the biggest grin tacked across his face and his dark eyes twinkling with a violent rage I could never begin to comprehend. 

He began to kiss me all my face and tossed me down to tickle me. I screamed and laughed, but his words ninja starred into my brain and struck me hard. 

A sick guilt started to slick its way through my veins, like bad heroin; dope made out of ice. Was I really about to let them kill my mom, possibly torturing her and causing her sick amounts of pain and anguish? 

A sudden flood of a memory broke through. 

_"I FUCKING HATE YOU. I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE! WHY WON'T YOU JUST FUCKING DIE?!" My mother screamed as she assaulted me over and over again with a curling iron she had turned on. It hurt so bad, I couldn't scream any more, my throat slick with some blood. I could barely speak for more than six weeks afterwards. The pain was incomparable. She was vicious and evil, the devil in my mother's skin. What did I do to deserve this? What did I do?_

_She never even had an answer._

My eyes came back into focus and I nodded absently. 

Yes. Yes, I was. 

"I want to go with you. Tonight. I want to see her die. Horribly."

Kylo blanked and suddenly, Ben was staring back at me. 

"Are... You sure about this?"

I nodded only once. "What time?" 

"Nine thirty... We'll plan a little more later." He turned around slowly and crawled to the suitcase. He picked up another bottle of pills and handed me two. The white oblong ones. Vicoden. Cool. 

"First, we sleep. Then... We plan." He broke one in half and handed me the other one and a half. "Cheers." He shrugged, swallowing it dry and I followed suit. We cuddled up in bed, and I used his body like a giant body pillow. I fell sleep quickly, emotionally exhausted. 

 

I dreamt the boys were two people in two separate bodies. 

 

_Ben was a little thinner, and his long hair was whipping around wildly in the wind from the storm above us that flashed neon red and blue lightning. There was an ocean under our feet, but Ben was smiling and jumping around excitedly. He looked much younger, more carefree. Kylo stood next to me, his arms and chest broader and ripped. His hair was shorter, and he had a mustache and goatee and he was eyeing the storm with an annoyed look. He looked... Much older._

_Weird._

_"The rain is going to ruin your dress, my love."_

_I looked down to see I was wearing a black dress with red, purple and blue gems splattered around. It looked pretty, like outer space or something._

_Wow, cool..._

_I lifted the dress and spun around and threw the skirt over my head and laughed hysterically. Ben came then and swept me off my feet and danced around with me, cyan blue rain glowing in the dark storm._

_Ben called Kylo to us, and he took both of our hands and we danced around on the ocean, all of us barefoot and dripping from the weird rain. We all laughed and cheered and spun into a circle until I got dizzy and then the boys merged back into one body. They kissed me hard, and ripped my dress from my body like it was made of wrapping paper. Then they spilt again._

_They bent me over and fucked my mouth and pussy, and I was nothing but the luckiest girl in the world, passionately being plowed by the two men I loved more than anything else in the entire galaxy. It was depraved and odd and I couldn't choose who I liked looking at more. My eyes flicked back and forth until someone off in the distance caught my attention._

_It was my mother, watching me get fucked almost in half._

_What the fuck...?_

_She stood with her arms crossed, that famous ugly scowl on her face._

_"FUCKING WHORE!"_

 

I shot up, fully awake and turned to screamed into my pillow.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had half of this typed up on here and then it refreshed... So I'm gonna have to start the chapter all over again from scratch. Damn it. 
> 
> Kylo POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little long... Kylo pays a very meticulous attention to detail and it's hard to pull back on it. I really hope this doesn't come across like a ridiculous Stephen King Coked Out Word Shpeel ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

We rented a car for the night's plans: 

A lovely, new Prius in black. We paid extra for the smoking surcharge and also bought a small ashtray. Littering was disgusting, no matter how much Ben tried to excuse it. 

_Fuck off, it's only cigarette butts. It's not like I'm throwing entire trash cans out the fucking window..._ Ben grumbled before clearing his throat. _Do you, uh... Is she gonna be okay?_

Rey was totally silent on the drive to Qi'ra's, gnawing on her nails in total silence. 

I had already been pondering endlessly at what she might be feeling... Anger, excitement? Despair, maybe? She was a mystery to Ben and I both. Did she really grasp the situation at hand yet? Would she come regret it? 

_Will she get angry with us if she does...?_

I shrugged slightly and flicked my ashes out the crack of the window and hit the windshield wipers. It was starting pour, and the headlights from the other cars were far too bright. Some total fucking idiot in front of us was swerving, and I assumed they were on their phone. 

I grimaced. Apparently they'll give a driver's license to anyone these days. Ridiculous. 

_You sound like an old man... But agreed._ Ben sighed. 

Rey suddenly turned the radio down and turned towards us. I glanced at her, a little happy the statue had finally become human once again. 

"Okay. Whatever you do, don't let her kiss you on the mouth. Seriously. I don't care how hot you think she is."

Ben and I both bristled, disgusted. "Oh, Rey, _please_. As if we find her any sort of attractive -"

Rey held her hand up and closed her eyes. "Still. Just... Don't."

We nodded once. "Yes, ma'am."

"As I've said before... I want to be there when it happens. So I'm gonna wait like, 15 minutes before I come up. I'm gonna knock -" She rapped her knuckles against the dash. "- 3 times, like that. Make sure she's tied up and gagged. I don't want a lot of noise." 

Her voice sounded empty. I really hoped she wasn't going to regret this. 

_I think she will..._

"Of course." I ignored Ben and glanced at the GPS. We were close. Our hands tightened on the steering wheel. 

It was almost time. 

"We'll have to... Improvise with what we do to her before she dies. I don't own any thing she would have... Used." She cleared her throat and I realized she might cry. 

I set our hand on her skinny thigh and squeezed gently before rubbing soft circles into her black leggings. 

"Don't stress yourself out, love. It's going to be alright. This may even be a therapeutic breakthrough for you that most don't get to have." I looked over to her and smiled. She looked pale and a bit sick, but still adorable drowning in our big black hoodie. 

Rey closed her eyes and sucked in a shuddering breath. She looked up at the road. "That's what I'm hoping for... Oh - oh _holy shit, watch out!_ " She screamed as her hands shot up to grab the handle above the door. 

My eyes darted ahead and I saw the idiot from before had slammed on their brakes, red tail lights glaring back at us. I glanced for a millisecond before swerving just in time into the next lane, narrowly avoiding a head on collision. 

I smirked. Eat your heart out, James Bond. 

We turned to comfort Rey, but she already had her window down, screaming out at the imbecile with her middle finger out as we drove passed. "You fucking _idiot!_ Learn how to drive, you fucking cock sucker!"

A grin broke out across our face. 

_That's our girl!_ Ben laughed hysterically. _Fuuuck, that was close... Nice maneuvering, Baby Driver._

"All those years as a professional NASCAR driver, I suppose..." I muttered and grinned behind the back of our hand. 

Rey buckled herself back into her seat and rubbed herself face with both hands before smoothing her hair into place and adjusting her three buns. "Oh my gods, that was so scary..." She groaned. 

"Scary, but a little exhilarating, hmm?" I nudged her with an elbow, still grinning. Rey peaked out of her hands and finally cracked a little smile. 

"... Maybe."

 

Six minutes later and we were parked outside a very tiny house, maybe even a studio type home. It was a run down neighborhood. There was an old orange car, a Gremlin, parked in the drive way and a plastic pink flamingo stuck into the dying garden. The porch light was also pink. 

I scoffed. Hmph. How quaint. 

_A cute little home for a sick bitch._

Rey was back to chewing on her nails, leaned over in her seat passed us to stare at the house. Her eyes were wide, barely blinking. I drifted a bit closer and cupped her cheek, caressing the soft, freckled skin tenderly. 

"Are you sure about this, Rey? We can go back, and neither of us would think any less of you, darling. We just want you to be sure." I whispered while I scanned her face for any doubts, but she never even looked away from the house. 

"I'm sure." She said. Good enough for me. 

I went to put on the latex gloves we'd brought as to leave no finger prints, when she suddenly grabbed our arm. 

"Wait! Will you just... Help me push off a little before you go in?" She finally rested her gaze on us, her eyes wide and pleading. "Please?"

I licked my lips and inclined closer. "Yes, ma'am. How could I say no to such a sweet girl?" I murmured. 

We leaned in and gingerly kissed Rey's plush lips, lingering for a moment before reaching down and picking up the black make up bag she'd made into her own drug kit.

Sweet, innovative Rey. 

 

 

We snapped on the gloves at the door and knocked once before hearing the sounds of the locks turning and the door being ripped open. 

"Took you long enough." Qi'ra slurred a bit. We had to look down as she was much shorter than expected, and looked _much_ older than she had in her pictures. The wrinkles around her eyes and mouth especially took us off guard. 

She was practically haggard. I wondered how many other men were instantly disappointed at her real face, lacking the Snapchat filters. 

_Ew... What the hell? Prison was not kind to this bitch. Gods._ Ben shuddered. 

I had to contain my chuckle, instead smiling ruefully. 

"Well, hello there."

She licked her hot pink painted lips and grabbed us by the shirt and pulled us in. She kicked the door shut and locked the deadbolt, the door lock and chain lock. Right. Bad neighborhood... Suddenly I wasn't so wild on letting Rey sit outside for so long in the car. Especially a nice car. 

_Better hurry this along and go fetch her ourselves._

"I never considered myself a size queen, buuuuut..."

We turned to find Qi'ra leaning up against the pale, cracked green wall, a Big Gulp in her tiny, horrid tattooed hands. I forced a smiled and swept my hand through our hair, a move I knew for a fact women were soft for. 

"I'll assure you, you'll be much more appreciative of the size of my cock, sweetheart." I smirked while I grabbed at my cock, an obscene gesture I detested, but she seemed to enjoy it. 

Qi'ra bit her lip and let out a little groan, her eyelids fluttering lightly. She went to slurping her drink loudly and coughing a bit. Must have alcohol in it. Sloppy lush. 

She was truly just repulsive. Her dress was ill fitted, baggy and tight in all the wrong places, showcasing her hideous prison tattoos. Even her make up was smeared, and I wondered what else she may be fucked up on besides alcohol. 

Old, sloppy, trash. I suddenly couldn't wait to get out of this sad, rotting house. I almost didn't want to murder her, simply so I wouldn't have to touch her. I was going to take a bleach bath when we returned to the hotel. 

_Perhaps even a Clorox cocktail with Tide Pod olive garnishes. Christ._

I took a few, slow steps toward her, feeling like a lion cornering an old, sick gazelle. I placed my hands on either side of her head, and smiled down at her. Qi'ra's hazy blue eyes were wide, unfocused but clearly excited. 

She wiggled her eyebrows and grinned. "You gonna -" She coughed, not even covering her mouth. Wretched. "- man handle me or what?"

 _Oh my gods, just break her fucking neck._ Ben gagged. 

I smiled and grabbed her wrists with one hand, making her drop her styrofoam drink and yanked her along while I stalked to her couch. 

"Sit." I commanded as I pushed her down on the couch. "Rope?"

She giggled and pointed to the first door in the short hallway. "There..." 

She leaned over and picked up one of the small shot bottles off her messy coffee table that was littered with loose tobacco and empty jars of marijuana, a tiny bong and bobby pins. There were a few pieces of paper with unreadable gibberish scrawled on them. Pills strewn about. 

How classy. 

When I opened the closet door, there was clothes and boxes shoved in, and the rope was on top of the only open box, along with many sex toys, a blindfold and a ball gag with holes in it. 

A flash of Rey, a very young Rey, being sexually assaulted with toys like that suddenly made me so sick to my stomach, I had to cover my mouth before I retched all over the place. 

I smacked our hand over our mouth and swallowed it back down quickly and sucked in a few deep breaths before I snatched up the entire box and whipped around with a nearly demonic smile stapled in place. 

"Close your eyes." I said, attempting to sound 'sexy', but coming out more like a growl. 

Qi'ra was too drunk to notice apparently and her eyes fluttered closed with that stupid smile glued to her stupid, repulsive face.

I made quick work of tying her wrists behind her back, ignoring her jabbering on about the disgusting things she wanted us to do to her, carelessly slapping on the blindfold and right as I was about to place the gag in her mouth, there was three quick knocks on door... 

"Who the fuck is that?" Qi'ra' asked. 

_Oh, finally!_

I crossed the two steps to the front door instantly and quickly unlocked the door, ripping it open to find Rey standing there, still the most beautiful girl we'd ever seen. The pink glow of the porch light making her ever more ethereal. She snapped her black latex gloves on before we pulled her close to us, enveloping her in a very tight hug. 

"Who is it? Who's at the door?" Qi'ra called, but we barely heard her over the angelic harp playing. 

"Oh, how we've missed you, darling. She's _horrible._ " I breathed into her hair. 

Rey pat our back once before tearing away from us and stepping towards her mother. She was shaking. We kicked the door shut, locking the doors as quick as possible, drawing the curtains closed. 

"Hello? Who the f-fuck is it?" Qi'ra asked, sounding annoyed as she struggled in her bindings. "You could have told me you were bringing a friend, babe. I'm into kinky scenes." She laughed like a moron, but you could tell she was still nervous. 

Rey picked up the gag and tossed it from one hand to the next before kneeling down in front of Qi'ra, her face hidden since she was staring down at the gag in her trembling, gloved hands. 

"Hello, mother." Rey hissed between clenched teeth. "Did you miss me?" 

Qi'ra went completely still and her mouth dropped open. 

"R-Rey...? What the f... What the fuck?!" Her mother began thrashing wildly. "What the _FUCK!_ How did you -"

Rey jumped up then, struggling to get the ball gag in her mouth properly and pulling her hair. 

"No, _NO!_ You don't get to fucking talk, _mom!_ You don't get to say another _fucking word!_ You _bitch!"_

Once the gag was secured, Rey slapped her mother a few times, harder and harder each time. Once they were both crying, we decided it was time to intervene, and get to work. We had a long night ahead of us all, and it was best to get to going as soon as possible. 

We rolled our sleeves up and helped pull Rey off the old, drunk woman and embraced her tightly. 

"What would you like us to do, darling? She's at your mercy, and we are your vessel."

Rey sobbed into our chest for a few minutes while we stroked her hair and stared at the cluttered kitchen blankly, preparing for the task at hand. Qi'ra continued to thrash and writhe around until Rey finally turned her head away from our chest to death-glare with tear rimmed eyes. 

"I'm going to find some things she deserves to feel shoved up inside her. I'm thinking... The curling iron? Or made a knife?" Her voice was shaky, but devoid of emotion. "How does that sound, mother? A hot curling iron? Or a knife?" She called, a little louder. 

Shaking her head fast enough that her hair flung with her, Qira tried to plead 'no', (I could only assume, like anyone else would), but Rey barked a bitter laugh and kicked over the coffee table. She picked up a cigarette off the floor and lit it. 

"Oh, what's that?" She exhaled the smoke. "You want the curling iron first? Then the knife? So we can slice into your gnarled pussy blisters?" She inched closer to Qi'ra's tear, snot and drool soaked face then, snarling like a predatory beast. 

"Good. Sounds fucking good to me. _Mom._ " Rey susurrated with a curled lip and put her cigarette out on Qi'ra's exposed thigh, who then screamed a diluted scream that made Rey laugh. "Ohh, does it hurt, _mama?_ Do you want me to _stop?"_

Rey's tauntings faded into the background for a long moment. 

Ben and I watched a few feet behind, yet nearly on a different planet. Ben felt scared, and worried. 

I, however, had never loved Rey more than I did at that very moment. 

Our Valkyrie woman. 

I was so proud of her. This was going to finally end her suffering, laying to waste all of those who had used, abused and wronged her. A side of her I never knew had even existed. I watched in near slow motion as she went back to grabbing Qi'ra's dress and punching her in the face while she tried to keep her voice level. 

She was beautiful. An equal. 

_This can't end well..._

The scene rolled into faster into real time, the movie moment gone. I rolled my eyes and readjusted my gloves. I lit a cigarette and tied my hair into my top knot. 

"You're so vexatious, Ben."

 _Only when I'm right._ He sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be long as well full of TWs and a brief summary at the end if you can't stomach that sort of torture. 
> 
> Y'all know how I like to write my revenge chapters long and strong and probably too detailed. Lol
> 
> Whose perspective should I write it through? Let's do a vote! 
> 
> Rey
> 
> Ben
> 
> Or Qi'ra? 
> 
> let a bitch know! 😌


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV
> 
>  
> 
> TW: light (?) vaginal torture, violence, suicidal thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heh... hey y'all, sssss'been awhile... 
> 
> This fic officially has 10k+ hits!!!!! I'm so fucking hype y'all holy shiiiiit ty ty ty ty!!!   
> 😭😭😭
> 
> I just made a new Twitter specifically for my fics so I can do polls and maybe get some prompts or just to chat and stuff so if you care to check it out, it's @envious_hera.
> 
> ty ty ty for reading guys/gals/non binary/and everyone in between, seriously 🖤🖤🖤

It's hard to describe this strange feeling of absolute _power_ I have right now as I glare down at my birther. I've never had control before - not ever. Never ever. It's almost as euphoric as slamming heroin and I never want to come down. I can't. Can't allow it. 

I'll never give this feeling away, no matter what. 

Qi'ra sobs uncontrollably on the couch, bound and gagged still, shaking with what I can only guess is total fear. She's probably so scared right now. Terrified. Horrified. Petrified. 

_Good._

I snap at the boys to collect all the things I'll need to fuck her up for the rest of her life. I decided I didn't want to kill her after all. No, no. I want her to feel this pain for the rest of her miserable life. I want her to be so afraid that she can't ever hit a REM cycle again. 

The boys appear next to me so suddenly that I jump almost right out of my skin. I'm so enraptured by my mother's terrified, gagged screams I forgot they were even here with me. 

"Fuck! You scared me!" I smack their arm and gulp back a big gust of air, pulling down the sleeves of my hoodie over my fingers. 

"Sorry, darling." Kylo whispers and brushes his long, pale fingers across my cheekbone. "Didn't mean to startle you..."

I wave him off and set my lips into a thin line. 

"It's - it's fine. Just... Give me all of that stuff and bring her to the bed."

Kylo nods, also staring down at my mother's pathetic crying, his head slightly cocked. "Of course."

I watch him hoist her up and over his shoulder and follow him into the bedroom. It's even grosser in here, somehow - there's actual nicotine stains dripping down on the dark pink walls and tons of holes punched in all over. Looks like she's just as rage filled as ever... 

I frown as I eye them. Vague, nearly completely blocked out memories flash by and I shiver a little. She always did have a fondness for destroying everything. 

Me, especially. 

I turn to look around, feeling Kylo's eyes on me. There's trash all over the floor, cigarette burns in the sheets and carpet from her falling asleep smoking, no doubt, and I notice even more empty bottles of booze in here as well as tons of prescription bottles. I wander over and check the labels of random people's names and grin. 

Oxy, Morphine, Valium, Xanax, Norco, Vicoden... 

I've hit the fucking _jackpot._ Tonight is just getting better and better... Even though my knuckles ache from punching the snot out of her. 

Kylo tosses Qi'ra roughly onto the dirty, unmade bed and she bounces once or twice. She instantly starts to flail around hysterically, screaming into the gag again. Before I can even think, Kylo slaps the fuck out of her and she quiets down real quick, whimpering instead. I cringe away on instinct at the sound, glad I'll never be on the receiving end of that. 

Hopefully. I'm still not sure, really. Can never be sure, I guess. 

I shuffle over with the tote bag full of my instruments of terror and drop it on the floor next to me. Lucky for us, there's already restraints hooked up to her bed, and Kylo sets to tying her up while I watch and try not to think about all the dirty, anonymous sex she's had on this nasty bed. Dad is probably turning in his fucking grave. 

When she's good and ready, I plug in the curling iron and hold it tightly while it heats up as high as it'll go. 450° seems good enough. I kneel on the bed and rip off her blindfold and we both get our first good look at each other in 9 years. Her blue eyes are blood shot, and one is puffing up into a black eye, swelling shut. She's glaring at me with all the hate in the world, but it's nothing compared to what I feel towards her. 

She aslo looks totally horrible. 

Good. 

I take a deep breath, adrenaline thumping roughly all throughout my body, making me shake. I muster up a smile before I spit in her face. 

"Hey, _mom_." I force out from my clenched teeth. My jaw aches. She glares back at me, mumbling behind the gag but I can't understand her. 

Doesn't matter, anyways. I don't want to hear what she has to say now. I'm ready, and so is the curling iron. 

"Take her underwear off." I whisper, gripping even tighter on the plastic on the iron and it's makes my latex gloves squeak, and my knuckles ache even worse. Gotta latch on to the pain. Don't chicken out now. 

Kylo does as he's told instantly, ripping them off of her with no effort at all and steps back again, watching me intently. I don't know what he's looking for in my face, but when I glance at him, he's devoid of any emotion at all. As usual. 

I kneel on the bed, hands shaking now. Oh god... Looking down at my mother's vagina is fucking _weird_. My face contorts in disgust. Ew. 

It's especially weird because it's where I came from, how I came into this world... I came from inside of her, I was apart of her, but she didn't love me like mother's are supposed to love their children. She _never_ did. She was _supposed_ to. Why didn't she? Why _couldn't_ she? 

I bite my lip when it starts to wobble and hot tears prick my eyes like blistering needles. Fuck this. Fuck her. 

_"Fuck you, Qi'ra."_ I hiss as I grab her knee, digging my finger tips into her flesh as hard as I can before impaling her with the scolding hot curling iron in one swift jab. It slides into her easily and I try not to think of why. I'm trying to stay present in this moment but my stomach flips in nausea. 

My mother's body lays still for a few seconds, only her eyebrows raising and I worry maybe the stupid iron doesn't even work. I glance down and see the green light on. It's on, but... 

"What the fu -" I mutter. 

But then it happens:

Her entire body tenses and then rises right off the mattress, seizing, and she screams so loud, so bloodcurdling fucking _LOUD_ that I panic and rip it back out of her which only makes her scream more. I drop the iron and cover my ears, but Kylo jumps right into action wraps his arms around her head and stifles the screams with his huge bicep. 

All the movement and chaos on the mattress makes the iron roll towards my leg, and it burns me through my black leggings. 

"Ow! _Fuck!_ " I hiss and pick it back up, wanting to smash it for burning me. "Stupid fucking... Thing!"

"Don't stop now, darling." Kylo pants, tightening his near choke hold on Qi'ra, whose eyes are rolling into the back of her head while she weakly flails about, twitching and sobbing. "You're doing so well. We're so proud of you. So proud, darling."

Kylo smiles, genuinely smiles with his teeth, and I stare at him totally dumbfounded. They're... Proud of me? Really? I know my mouth is hanging open, but I can't help but be amazed. The last person to tell me that they were proud was dad and that was just because I got all A's on my report card. 

I have to swallow down my stupid tears again, though. Now isn't the time to get distracted by positive affirmations. Like dad used to say: _"Now hang on girlie - you've only done a half a job, and you've got a full smile."_

I grit my teeth and nod once to myself. Full job, then a full smile. 

But my determination falters _a lot_ when I look back down at my mother's vagina. 

It's already blistering, red and swollen, grotesque and disgusting. I cover my mouth and try not to gag, failing miserably. I recoil in horror as sympathy pains shoot up my body, remembering just how fucking _unspeakably horrible_ this feels and I start to cry and toss the curling iron away from me and back away as fast as I can from her gnarled pussy. 

"Jesus fucking Christ!" I sob, shuddering viciously. "Oh my god, no - no, no, no, no! I can't do this! Please! Please, I can't - I can't do this! Don't make me! Please!"

I fall the floor and hug my knees to my chest as tightly as I can and rock back and forth, crying as much as Alice did, probably just as able as she was to fill the room up with my tears. I can't breathe, and yet, I can still smell the fucked off stench of burnt flesh. I gag and sob obnoxiously, pulling on my hair. 

_Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. What the fuck am I doing?!_

There's too many emotions clashing together and I'm only barely aware of the boys wrapping their arms around me, shifting me into their lap. I feel sick. I'm gonna puke. I'm so angry, so scared, so revolted, so sad that I can't process any of them individually, let alone all at once. 

"Shh, shh. It's okay, honey... It's okay. This isn't who you are, and that's okay." It's Ben now, stroking my hair and whispering into my early while I wail. "Really, it's okay. What do you want us to do? Whatever you want. We can leave. Wash our hands of this. You got your revenge. It's okay, honey. It's okay."

We sit like this for a long time, until I'm reduced to sniffles and trembling. I still can't process anything but I do know one thing: we can't just leave. She'll call the police, and we'll be arrested for torture and I'll never see them again and I'll have to hang myself with my bed sheets in my cell because I'd rather die than be away from them, or my dope. 

"We can't just leave..." I whisper into their shoulder. 

Ben sighs and shakingly kisses my temple. I think he's crying, too. I don't know why. "We... We could. We can figure it out. It's okay."

I shake my head and finally open my eyes, staring absently at the wall behind them. There's cracks in the wall and chips where paint has flicked off. I see a line of ants leading out of the room. This place is seriously disgusting. Should be condemned. Burned to the ground. Yes. Burned. 

"No. Just... Just kill her." I whisper, wiping my tears off on their shirt. "Kill her and burn this place the fuck down."

Ben stills, stops stroking my hair, and pulls away to look me in the eye. In this weird moment, I feel like I'm really looking at both of them at the same time. The eyes are both soft, yet glistening with excitement. Their lips somehow both frowning and smiling all at once. I blink back slowly, taking in this weird moment. 

"Are you sure?" They ask, watching me raptly. 

I don't respond for a minute, still transfixed. Finally, I nod once. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Yes. 

"I'm sure."

We stare for a moment, before I pull them into a sweet kiss and they wrap their arms around me, pulling me closer and holding me tightly, but also gently. Our tongues only briefly caress before they pull away with a soft groan. They smile at me, searching my eyes before murmuring to me as I tenderly stroke their cheek. 

"Anything for you, Rey."

They slowly help me up and guide me from the room, helping me sit on the couch and they turn on the television for me. I can faintly still hear Qi'ra, but she might as well be in another dimension. 

"Just give us a few minutes... And then we'll make our dash back to the hotel."

"Don't forget to grab all those pills from her night stand." I mutter, feeling my eyes already starting to glaze over. 

Checking out while recharging mental battery is the best. Everything is fine. They're just gonna kill my birther, steal her drugs, and burn her house down. That's fine. I'm hungry. Think I want some Jack in the Box on the way home. 

Kylo boops my nose and I wrap my arms around my legs, forcing myself to zone out on Jerry Springer playing. I've already watched this episode, but that's even better for right now. 

Kylo jogs into the room and back out, all the pill bottles in his arms. I pick one at random and pick out a dark blue pill and chew it, blanked out. I sign 'thank you' to them and lean back into the cushions as Kylo slowly walks back into her room. 

"Still conscious, Qi'ra? Hmm. You're tougher than we'd anticipated. But don't worry - you won't be for much longer." Kylo chuckles as he closes the door behind him. I turn up the volume, leaving this nightmare behind. 

"I almost finished the job, dad. Almost." I whisper into the air. Dad is listening, he always does. 

I smile lightly, thinking about dad braiding my hair. I miss him so much. Need to visit his grave tomorrow, I think. 

 

Half a smile for half a job. At least I tried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, not as gruesome as I was planning, but let's be real, murder and torture isn't for everyone. 
> 
> especially not for warm, soft, cinnamon rolls like Rey. 
> 
> again follow my new Twitter! 
> 
> @envious_hera
> 
> 🖤🖤🖤


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twitter! @envious_hera 🖤

Kylo shut the door, turned the lock and cracked our neck.

 _pop, pop_. 

Qi'ra was conscious still, somehow. She glared up from the bed, tears spilling down her red cheeks, mascara staining the trails black. I was kind of impressed - pretty sure I would have passed out if someone stuck a curling iron up _my_ pussy. 

Kylo was dead silent, no thoughts or anything passing through. It was creepily quiet in the room, aside from Jerry Springer blasting in the living room. I was _not_ happy about the situation _at all_ and Kylo knew that. I was loudly fuming while he had held Qi'ra down before, encouraging Rey to go on even though it wasn't good for her. 

Revenge wasn't for everyone. It should have been just us from the beginning. Exposure therapy was fucking insane, but so was Kylo, apparently. 

Qi'ra and Kylo stared at each other for a long time, neither of them moving even a little, before Kylo finally knelt down next to the bed. Qi'ra flinched away from our hand as he moved to remove the gag, so he smacked the stars out of her as a warning. 

"I'm going to ask you a few questions. If you scream, or do anything outside of what I specifically ask - you will regret it. A blistered pussy is hardly the worst I can do." Kylo smirked, inching closer to her face to whisper. "I promise you that." 

Qi'ra nodded once, that defiant look never once wavering. 

I rolled my eyes and groaned. Jesus Christ, they were both being so fucking dramatic. 

_Can we get this going? We have a very upset Rey out there and I really couldn't give a fuck about this stupid cunt right now._

Kylo shook our head, huffing. "Be quiet."

I think he was talking to both of us, but I didn't care. This was _my_ body, too, god damn it. 

_No! You've done enough! We don't have time to waste! We need to just -_

Kylo growled and punched Qi'ra this time, shutting me right up. I winced, somehow feeling bad for her, even after all things considered. Empathy is stupid. 

Kylo snaked his fingers around her throat and squeezed tightly, making her cough into the gag. 

"Like I said - be fucking quiet."

Qi'ra nodded then, her eyes rolling a little back into her head. Kylo nodded too and ripped our hand away, releasing her throat. He then tore the gag from her mouth and she gasped in air, still coughing. She looked so rough... I just wanted this over and done with and to get Rey somewhere safe and comfortable. 

_Just hurry up..._ I sighed, anxious. 

Kylo sat down on the bed next to Qi'ra, hands on our knees, and stared down at her crying form for a minute before sighing to himself. 

"Let's chat for a bit."

Qi'ra's teary eyes blinked rapidly before her lips drew into a hard line. 

"Fine." She rasped. 

Kylo cocked our head. "Why?"

Qi'ra stared blankly. "Why what."

"Why?" Kylo asked again. 

"Why _what?_ "

Kylo smacked her again, blood drooling down her chin. 

"Don't pretend to be daft, Qi'ra. You're horrible, not stupid. Don't make me ask you again."

Qi'ra shifted her glare to the mattress and flexed her jaw. 

"Because I hate her." She spit out after a long pause. 

Kylo shook our head and leaned over to drag the box of weapons to our feet. "That doesn't answer my question." He fished around inside until he pulled out the giant butchers knife we'd found. 

Her eyes widened as he brought it up to her face, less than an inch from her eyeball. Kylo grinned as he lowered it down, dragging it across her cheek with just enough force to lightly cut her. She shivered. 

"Okay - okay!" She squeezed her eyes closed and spoke quickly. "I hate her because - because he loved her more than me. He - Dryden - he never gave me any love after she was born. She took it all from me! Like he loved me until she wasn't apart of me anymore and... And..." 

Qi'ra broke down into sobs then, almost drowned out by the blasting TV in the living room. I rolled my eyes. 

_That's it?!_ I yelled. _Jesus Christ - just fucking kill her already. I'll fucking do it!_

Kylo chuckled and nodded while he slowly swept her hair from her bloody, tear stained, boogery face. 

"Shh, shh. That must have been so difficult for you." He cooed.

Qi'ra nodded pitifully and turned her face into our palm. 

"It... It was... It wasn't _fair_... I gave him everything. My virginity, my heart... And he tossed me aside for _her!_ " She sobbed, smearing her bodily fluids all over our hand. Kylo sighed and stroked her greasy hair, tucking it behind her ear. 

I recoiled in disgust. Ewww. What was he doing?! 

"No... That's not fair." He whispered, lifting her chin with our finger so she could look up at us. Her blue eyes were hazy and I remembered she wasn't really even sober, and literally insane. I was seething with pure, unadulterated loathing now, so much so that it was making our body tense. I was one second away from taking over and doing it _myself_.

Kylo smiled down at her softly. "I'd like to... Introduce you to someone."

And like that, I was in control again. 

"Fucking finally..." I muttered as I looked down to flex our fingers around the knife. When I looked back at Qi'ra, her face was full of confusion and I grinned like a shark down at her. 

"That was hard for you, huh?" I bit out. 

She nodded slowly. 

"Yeah, I bet. Can't help but imagine how hard it was for Rey, though." I was shaking. Livid. 

"I - she - wait - _wait!_ " She screamed, trying to roll away from us. 

But it was too late. 

I clamped our hand over her mouth and ripped the knife into the air before ripping into her right rib with all our strength. The wet _squuulch_ sound was barely audible over the crowd cheering on the TV, egging me on to roughly rip it out of her body, even though it tried to suction around the blade. 

"You _hurt_ her!" I hissed. "She can't even have _kids_ because of you!" Stabbing her was a lot harder than Snoke - his skin wasn't as young, I guess, and didn't put up as much resistance to being, well... Stabbed. 

I was panting like crazy from the effort, starting to tire myself out after less than a dozen assaults. Qi'ra groaned into our palm with each plunge and pull, growing paler all over. Except her face - which had so much orange face make up on that I didn't see much of a difference. The bed was soaking with blood, and our hands, too. 

I felt weird. Almost like we were working in tandem, coming together to destroy this evil bitch beneath us. I had one second of clarity as we ripped the blade from her gut one last time, blood spurting out of her belly and gushing like lava. The bloody wounds reminded us briefly of Poe, full of bullet holes. 

We pushed that image away quickly. Not now. 

We stared down at her quickly fading, almost corpse and smiled together. At the same time, we both spoke:

_"Something drew us to her, to help her. Save her.  
We're gonna marry her."_

Qi'ra coughed up dark blood in response, twitching. 

We cocked our head to watch her and Kylo murmured, _Should we take her teeth? Perhaps?_

I shook our head. 

"Nah. Pretty sure if we burn her, that should be enough."

Kylo huffed. _But I'd like at least a trophy, Ben. Maybe we can make it into a necklace for Rey. I think she'd love it._

I scratched our head with our gore soaked, gloved hand. "Uhhh. Maybe... Alright fine, just one."

Kylo clapped our hands and grinned as we reached into the box for the plyers. 

_I want a canine. Oh - let's get both! We can have matching necklaces with Rey!_

"You're fucking sick, dude... I love it." We turned back to find Qi'ra very cold and very dead. "Oh god damn it! We missed it."

We _hump_ ed at the same time. Oh well. 

_Waste not, want not._ We shrugged. 

We snatched Qi'ra's hideous cold, dead face and pried open her jaw, adjusting her to get a good grip on the first tooth. 

"Think those are real gold?" I muttered. 

_Doubtful._

"Oh. Bummer."

 

Pulling teeth was somehow harder than stabbing. 

 

 

Once wed cleaned ourself up in the tiny bathroom, double and quadruple checking for any signs of murder, we knelt down next to the bed, busying ourself with our very last task of the night. 

We poured all the booze into one bottle, dumping lighter fluid in to fill it up all the way and drenching Qi'ra in it. We drug the grip of match heads against the box and dropped them onto her corpse. She went up into flames immediately while we watched for a minute, happy. 

"Hey."

_Hmm?_

"Don't make her do anything she doesn't want to again."

Kylo was quiet for a bit. 

_Deal._

We nodded together, turning on our heel out of the room to pick up Rey, who was knocked out on the couch, cuddling all of the prescription bottles and snoring. We gently picked her up as the flames began to travel out of Qi'ra's room, licking up the walls and crackling.

Once Rey was tucked safely in our arms with all the orange bottles, we left the ugly pink house behind us and set her softly in the passenger seat. We gently touched her freckled cheek and smiled. The house was burning nice and quickly behind us. 

"We love you." We whispered. 

"I know." Rey mumbled back in her sleepy stupor, her little face all scrunched up. "The smoke stinks..."

We laughed and closed the door and slide over the hood of the car and set off back to the hotel. We cranked the heater and chain smoked on the way back, feeling exhausted but content as we rested our hand on her skinny thigh. Rey snored loudly the whole way. 

We pursed our lips as we silently spoke to each other. 

_Not the most popular way to start the healing, but it's a start._ Kylo mused. 

I nodded. "And therapy. Lots of therapy. For all three of us."

Kylo chuckled. 

 

_Deal._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one chapter lefttttttttt

**Author's Note:**

> let a bitch know how you feelin'. 
> 
>  
> 
> alsooo hit me up on my tumblr:  
> boogerzomaley


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